Part 1 of 2: You’re All Winners. Seriously.

Let’s be real: it can’t be non-stop action in The Hamps (even if we crave it). Sometimes you have to be as cunning as Queen Vic and dabble in a little… sabotage. Anyone else cackle when she said that peering through a window? After reading Conrad for letting Daniel get mixed up with Helen and The Initiative (which is the worst girl group name ever), she decides to emasculate a rival of Conrad’s at Emily’s wine auction. Oh yeah, Emily is throwing a wine auction with the intent of getting Helen away from the Initiative – and she’s got her boys Aidan and Nolan at the ready. There was the usual workplace dramz for Nolan. Padma’s back. Marco’s gone. Que sera, sera. But we can’t forget about our secondary plotline involving “Get Me Those Bullets” Fauxmanda, as well as Connie and Ashley’s run for… something political. I always want one of the Grayson’s brandies after thinking about this show.

 

I’m going on record to say that The Ryan Brothers are the worst sub-plot for Revenge(!!!) ever. Ever. It’s like if The Hardy Boys started trafficking coke and weapons. One’s hard as nails, the other’s jovial and doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Can the boat just explode, already?

 

Here’s our boy Declan, clearly working hard to fill Jack’s shoes now that he’s in the slammer. I see we’re only up to one pocket on the chest, Declan? Don’t worry, soon you’ll be wearing two-pocket shirts in nearly indiscriminate colours with the best of them.

 

Fauxmanda is totes sad her baby-daddy is locked up. Naturally, she falls to her “sister” Charlotte for comfort (re: money), who couldn’t be more adorable in this damask sundress. It hits just above the knee and looks to die for on her. Together, they hatch a scheme to have Conrad bail out Jack. ‘Cause you know, he’s so reliable.

 

What’s this? Oh, if only they were hugging! This was on its way to being a passable over-the-shoulder hug stare.

 

Since Jack is doing time he at least has a real excuse for never changing his shirt. You see that stern face with finger point? He’s telling Fauxmanda not to take on The Ryan Brothers. Wise advice from a shrewd man. But Fauxmanda? She’s a little hood after being locked up herself.

 

Getting away from the dockside folks, Ashley saunters back into Grayson Manor with a few hilarious demands for Conrad. Girl, you better check yourself – the man could have you deleted. I’m not following the all beige aesthetic she’s loving these days, but let’s chat about those pants for a minute. Oh wait, they ain’t pants y’all, they’re linen shorts! The blouse reminds me of a Coach/Hermes clash, and little older than what Ashley usually wears. At any rate, that fashion blog, lifted knee pose is fierce. She could definitely play the part of a political aide…

 

…which is exactly what Conrad wants her to do. Yes friends, Connie is running for office! Which one? Pfft, minor details we can figure out later. He’s modest so it’ll probably something like Ward Office, or local Sheriff. It’s nice to see him out of the Wall Street uniform these days, too.

 

Revenge(!!!) definitely makes social climbing look fun and sexy. And achievable by anyone. Seriously, even this guy. The first time I saw Marco, I was all, “so that’s what happened to Rickie from My So Called Life. He has two looks: ill-fitting office wear, and “I’ve been working supes late” shabby office wear. Girl, you need to go.

 

Never forget: Rickie #MSCLF

 

Marco’s only competition for social/corporate climbing was Padma and when she swanned back into the office in this dazzling red dress, y’all knew it was game over. Finally, a head-to-toe shot of (one of) Nolan’s (many) ex-lover(s)! Can’t say I’m wild about the zipper following the length of the dress; I think it causes a slight billowing effect. But what the hell, she’s gorge.

 

In fact, Padma was so gorge that she got TWO head-to-toe shots this week! This floral number is definitely my favourite of the two dresses. The metallic belt is such a chic accessory, and the lace detail on the trim of the skirt is a cute overload. I’d like to see Marco own that look.

 

You may be wondering why the formal wear is on deck this week. Well, remember that wine auction I mentioned? It’s happening in the city. New York City. And we’re treated to a Revenge(!!!) rarity – a real exterior shot!