Less Revenging, More Unveiling

It’s been so long since last we saw the twins. We’ve done a flash forward to Alec’s bail hearing, where the gang is (understandably) worried about what will happen if he gets out and Emma is (somewhat understandably) awkward around Ethan, while Rebecca pretends to give a shit about someone other than herself. Her scheme with Sutton is slowly unfurling – she just wants her family back together! Awwww! Except! Ted still wants to be with Kristin, Sutton doesn’t want a sister, Rebecca has a son she forgot to mention, and Alec totally knows there are twins! So many secrets.

 

Before we recap their outfits, let us take a moment to pour one on the ground for our fallen gang member, Char. May she be happy and dressed like a young politician’s wife wherever she may be. We’ll never forget her. 

Now, on to the fantastic outfits!

 

When this gang hits the courthouse steps, it should come as no surprise they do it with mad steez.

 

The best was the monochromatic Bobbsey Twins, Mads and Thayer. 

 

 

Mads’ giant hair has her looking more like a wee lollipop than ever before, but the striped dress is a ballsy choice for a court hearing. (Prisons ought to bring back the stripe. It’s so en vogue). Yet it’s also amazing, what with the stripes going in different directions and the bow in the back. It’s a little grown up, but for girls who are usually into daytime glamour, this is pretty girly.

Thayer keeps it classy business casual with subtle check in his jacket and a simple black shirt, unbuttoned just so. Just what any respectable young man would wear when he’s hoping to God his father won’t be released from jail.

 

Emma (you know it’s Emma because she goes for a flatter hair do) brings it in a bright blue sundress to shake up all the monchrome.

With her Birkin-ish orange bag to complement the colour, she looks like she’s headed to lunch, not to confront the man who may hold all the answers about her birth mother. She’s also one of the few not in stripes at some point this week. It’s her way of breaking all the rules. 

 

Sister Laurel is on the fast track to Taylor Swiftiness. Early-Swiftiness of course, not all glammed up Swifty, as you can see from her choice of an earth toned floral sundress and long necklace.

 

Evil sister Sutton (you know it’s Sutton because the hair is way bigger and therefore full of evil and secrets) decides to hide out in a courtroom bathroom stall.

The strips on these Jessica Simpson platform shoes aren’t the only trend – they’re all wearing the plats this week (sadly, I wasn’t able to get screenshots of them all). I thought maybe Sutton was a little overdressed for a public washroom when I saw this:

But then I rememberd she is usually overdressed when she meets her twin in public washrooms. And then I was completely surprised by the rest of the outfit:

With those heels and those shorts, she is a floppy hat away from having an outfit worthy of 12 year old Jodie Foster. Unexpected from a girl who likes her sequins before lunch. It’s no wonder she’s pissed that Emma has her life and her closet (although, can someone remind Sutton it was her idea to pull the Parent Trap routine in the first place?). 

 

Back in the courtroom, we learn that his stint in jail hasn’t made Alec any less creepy.

That might be a mature and responsible burgundy tie, but I’d deny bail to the dude who creepily winks at teenage girls. Well done, judge. Well done. Behind those winks, he’s got some kind of secret worth defending, because he’s convinced Dan’s girlfriend Theresa to represent him.

I hope Alec pays well so she can stop dressing like a lady detective on a TV show. 

 

While her husband is being creepy, Rebecca is doing her best to be a respectfully distraught wife. She takes a cue from Mads and Thayer and goes for a neutral sheath as well.

Being Rebecca, she can’t help herself and has to punch it up with an oxblood clutch. This is why we respect and admire her underhanded ways.

 

Even when scheming in Char’s (pour one on the ground) pool with one half of her daughters, she needs colour in her life. Is this Missoni-esque bikini what a mourning TV wife wears? Why no, no it is not. Methinks she really doesn’t give a fig for that husband of hers.

BTdubs, it’s not Missoni – it’s by Vitamin A. Way to Get the Look For Less, Rebecca!

Sidebar: I wonder if Sutton’s sad that she won’t be able to put her bathing suit on a hanger when she’s done at the pool? Love the color, hung up or no.

 

Yes, life is pretty hard for Sutton these days. She has to get her nails did by her birth moms, not by a professional! The horrors!

At least her striped top is cute. And it’s the only practical part of her “Imma seduce you during a bike ride” outfit.

 

Maybe if she had put on some boots with the leggings it would have been practical. But python print platforms have no practical purpose in life. They exist only because you want cute shoes. However, if she hadn’t worn those, then she would never have pretended to sprain her ankle and then this would never have happened.

Sutton, you crazy bitch, you. While I’ll be mad if Ethan chooses you, I respect you for having a nice robe and floral negligee while hanging out in the Cabin of Secrets. I can only assume there is a satellite magic closet up in the mountains to provide you with such wardrobe changes. 

 

On the wrong side of the tracks, white undershirts are the name of the game.

This gave the staff room sads because we wanted some Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness and Ethan is often good for that. We’ll take what we can get. He’s still hot in plaid. His brother however?

Dan, get it together. I’m still clinging to my teenage crush on Nikolas Cassadine on GH and your schlubby cop look is causing me to do this:

For reals Ethan, I feel you. 

 

Before we head to the fancy party of the week (their society parties are so much less fancy than the Gossip Girl soirees we’re used to), can we take a moment to talk about how boring Kristin is? 

The girls are all, “why you so dressed up, mom?” And I’m all, “grey jacket and a dull cream coloured ruffled blouse? Okay Carol.” Yes. That’s how bored I was by her outfit – I forgot her name! I even originally named that screenshot file “Carol1.jpg”. Lady, you need to get it together.

 

And this chartreuse pashmina isn’t cutting it.

It’s like the concept of colour evades her. Either she avoids it completely or she chooses the least flattering hue. Ted’s trying at least. I like the blue polo mixed with the white jacket. Very sharp.

 

Our other party goers pick two very different styles of dress. Emma goes for simple, soft florals with a navy straw tote.

Pefect for an evening picnic and concert on a golf course. Her date-who-isn’t-a-date went for checks and accessorized with the sads.

Who wants to place bets on him having secrets of his own that are going to ruin any future happiness with Emma? Any takers? 

 

On the other hand, I’m quite confused by the neckline on Mads. What is this? What’s happening here?

I’m not sure the fabric knows either. Apparently it’s a dress.

Or something covering a skirt and top? I don’t know. If I knew what was happening, I could form a proper opinion of it. 

 

On stage and Swiftier than usual, Laurel wears a striped mullet sundress. 

Her singing is pretty and so is the pattern, but the mullet just ruins it all. 

 

Across the golf course and looking like she’s up to no good (and like she maybe has a portable wind machine, which is necessary when you’re scheming), Rebecca wears the most questionable peplum.

The colour is great. Nothing says, “I’m the hussy out to ruin your marriage” like a little red cocktail dress at a casual family concert. However, that peplum is doing her otherwise great figure no favours. 

 

Also up to no good, although she claims she is, is Sutton on her quest to win back Ethan.

I don’t trust her and neither does ABC Family, if their hashtags are any indicator.

#noshitsherlock

 

But if I thougth Mads’ dress was confusing, well, that chiffony, layered number of Sutton’s stumped me good. Are there shorts or a skirt under there? Should there be? And why does it have a racerback?

The outfits and the secrets have me asking so many questions. Like, why does Sutton hate her sister? And what does Alec know? And why would Sutton pair a quilted beige bag with this outfit?

And why won’t anyone even mention that they’re living in poor Char’s (pour one on the ground) house? Or how is it that Rebecca failed to mention she had a secret son that’s almost exactly the same age as her twins? 

Secret triplets?!? 

I’m so glad the twins didn’t accidentally make out with him. And I’m so glad this show is back.