Part 1 of 2: The Gents

Between The Initiative, AmeriCON Industries, Grayson Global taking over NolCorp and the whole Jack’s Bar sitch, I have pretty much no idea what’s going on with this show anymore. Luckily, Emily gently began to lead the show back to something more fun. And who did she bring along for the ride? Oh, just the original Revenging Roomie… the RED SHARPIE OF DOOM!!! (!!!) 

 

Remember how a thousand years ago, Daniel took over Grayson Global, and that made some people happy and others unhappy?

It also made Daniel start dressing 1000% douchier. I especially dig his folded-up-newspaper prop.

Raise your hand if you believe Danny Boy actually read that. Or even unfolded it. Actually, I bet he carries the same one under his arm every day to try and look totes profesh. What he doesn’t know is that actual businessmen get the news online, not in newspapers.

 

One of the best parts of this episode was the unveiling of Conrad v2.0: now with 100% more unemployment! With his son in charge of the company, Connie’s free to let his freak flag fly.

STOP! CONNIE TIME!

Apparently, he’s taken Nolan as his new sartorial inspiration, a decision of which I wholeheartedly approve.

The madras print shorts are blowing my mind right now. I don’t think Conrad’s legs have been unleashed from full-length pants in at least two decades, which explains why he was practically skipping through the restaurant. It takes some time to re-acclimate to how gravity effects your legs when they aren’t drowning in Hugo Boss.

 

Conrad 2.0’s even got a new burgeoning bromance with this evil judge guy! Check out their sassy matching stripey polos:

Conrad’s shirt has way more steeze than Evil Judge Guy’s though.

Conrad Grayson presents: Blue Steel 2013.

“Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”

 

Meanwhile back at the office… your first clue that Aiden is a fake spy businessman, not a real businessman, is his constant lack of necktie.

He’s also always pulling at his pants and/or jacket which — OK, actually looks kinda hot in a Don Draperish way. Apparently no-tie is Aiden’s attempt at branding himself a la Nolan’s double popped collars.

 

Which is why it’s v. hilaire when Daniel casually appears at Emily’s soiree dressed in his best Aiden disguise.

Does he think that she’s dating Aiden because of his lack of neckties? Like, if he stops wearing ties she’ll come running back into his Evil Grayson Arms? On an unrelated note: did Daniel even like Emily until Queen V manipulated him into it? Has he ever had an original thought in his head, at all, ever? (RHETORICAL QUESTION.)

 

Furthermore: has Declan ever done anything other than be THE WORST EVER?

(RHETORICAL QUESTION)

I will give Dec credit for wearing a shirt with an actual pattern on it, rather than yet another American Apparel tank and/or hoodie and/or henley.

… but then 50 points from Hufflepuff because the print in question is a set of shark dentures.

 

Also Jack was there. In the same shirt he wears every episode.

BUY A NEW SHIRT OH MY GOD. xoxo YKYLF

 

Oh, and then he got arrested.

I don’t know why, exactly. I know he took the fall for Declan, but I don’t know why Declan was in trouble, exactly. I mean, Jack called the cops on the Bad News Bears who were using his bar to smuggle drugs, but then somehow he’s the one going to jail? Whatever. Hopefully this means the whole thing with the Obviously Evil Brothers is done now.

 

And just when you thought all hope was lost and this episode would never get interesting, like a long tall glass of bisexual lemonade, it’s NOLAN!!!

No socks. Yellow topsiders coordinating with his yellow sweater.

Paisley print pocket square coordinating with the plaid print on his first shirt and — what’s that I see? Can it be…

DOUBLE UNPOPPED COLLARS!! Just when you thought he’d run out of new ways to wear two collared shirts he pulls out this NEVER BEFORE SEEN LOOK.

(Also: hi there, Aiden)

 

Nolan goes two for two in terms of lounge-related entrances, as he debuts his second look while sprawled on his chaise longue, doing something tricksy with his NolPad:

You can’t see in this picture, but he was wearing green topsiders and no socks with this look. Do you think he has a special room just for his pocket squares? I think he does. And I think he swims around in them like Scrooge McDuck.

 

There’s only one thing holding Nolan back from being 100% perfect male speciman. And that is: his terrible taste in boyfriends. This guy?

Seriously? THIS GUY?

Nolan: look at your life. Look at your choices. You hooked up with CRAZYPANTS TYLER. You dated this guy, who subsequently DESTROYED YOUR COMPANY. You are currently dating Extremely Boring Padma who ALSO DESTROYED YOUR COMPANY.

Time to raise your standards.