Part 2 of 2: The Ladies

I’ve already mentioned that I have no idea what the deal is with The Initiative. But here’s what I do know:

1) the head Initiative Lady (whose name is, I think, Helen?) follows a cocktail party dress code as she drives around NYC holding clandestine meetings in her Maybach.

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and 2) LASERS!!

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At first I was confused. Then bored. But as soon as I looked up and saw lasers, I was officially intrigued.

 

You know how we’re always saying that they keep Ashley’s fab fashion hidden behind set dressing and nobody really appreciates her? This week they kept her so well hidden that somebody else had to take Daniel’s messages:

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She wasn’t even British. Step it up, Show.

 

Charlotte was also kept out of the way for most of the episode. Upon further investigation, this was just as well, as her outfit was more appropriate for someone 10 years older than her mother, rather than for a cute teen:

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That kind of drapey top is designed to be forgiving to chesty women with a few extra pounds in the stomach. Charlotte weighs 70 pounds soaking wet and has clearly been personal trained and Pilatesed within an inch of her life. Would it kill her to wear jeans and a cami for once in her life? I liked her a lot better when she was being a drug addict and not dating Declan.

 

Maybe dating a Porter bro causes your personality to short-circuit, as Fauxmanda is barely recognizable as the hot mess we used to love to hate. Seriously. Girlfriend used to wear booty shorts, kiss strange women, and kill bodyguards. Now she’s either sitting around contentedly with her fraudulant family…

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(cute earrings, btw)

 

…or being the voice of reason for Emily.

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FAUXMANDA. THE VOICE. OF REASON. I’ll just give you a second to let that sink in.

 

(!!!)

 

But you know we can always count on Queen V to be nothing less than entirely herself.

Overdressed casual wear for hanging around the house?

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Check.

 

Trimming the roses while looking not-so-subtly murderous?

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#SHEWILLDESTROYYOU

 

Age-inappropos bandage dress?

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Obvs. (With bonus unflattering skin colour fabric)

 

Hostessing some sort of disastrous dinner party that leads to someone’s life being ruined?

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Always.

 

And then, out of nowhere, she and Emily made some sort of evil alliance to make Daniel think he’s still in love with Ems. I don’t understand at all why they did this, but this rare moment of Emily/Victoria skin-to-skin contact seems worth saving for posterity:

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Heh, and I totally luuurve this screencap of Ems and Vic being BFFs on the Plotting Balcony.

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BESTIES!!

 

Emily spends most of the episode in that orangeish/reddish/pinky halter dress with the metal halterneck. At first, I kinda liked it.

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If I was her, with those shoulders, I’d be living in halternecks, too. I also really like her soft hairstyle — rocking Old Skool Revenge styles while hooking up with Aiden clearly agrees with her. Sayanara, beige tunics!

 

 

 

But then, the more I saw this dress, the more it seemed kinda off.

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Like, it’s completely shapeless and just cinched at the waist. Much like her secret sister Char, girlfriend’s got the finely sculpted body that comes with years of elite ninja training. Why hide that light under a pillowcase/ muumuu? And why, when she was staging a fake-up with Aiden, did she not throw a drink in his face? DOESN’T SHE KNOW WHAT SHOW SHE’S ON???

 

Later, she attended Queen V’s latest doomed dinner party in a Kate Middleton-esque emerald dress that we never got to see the rest of.

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On the one hand, I bet it’s gorgeous. That colour is perfect on her, and I like the detail on the cap sleeves. On the other hand — she could be wearing cutoff jean shorts and Uggs for all we know. Why does this show put their stars in gorgeous outfits and then not show them off?? They could learn a thing or two from Pretty Little Liars, which is always careful to let us see everyone’s shoes, manicures, and both the front and back of every outfit.

 

Remember when Daniel was disguised as Aiden and drooling over Emily’s utter hotness? Yeah, this is what she looked like at that event:

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Daniel Grayson, eat your heart out.

Also? This is how you work a halterneck FITTED dress. A little more of this, and a little less of the orange/pinkish/reddish sack dresses mmkay?

 

And then, the moment we’ve been waiting all season for… THE RETURN OF THE RED SHARPIE OF DOOM!!!

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GO RED SHARPIE! GO!!! (!!!)

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YESSSSSSSSSS

 

This is like how on Dexter, he tried to not murder people and collect their blood on slides in a creepy box in the ventilator duct. But he couldn’t stop. And neither can Emily. And neither can I.

Just when I think this show is too convoluted, it sucks me back in. Oh, Revenge(!!!)… I can’t quit you.