Need help finding a job during the recession? Just drink your way to the top! At least, this is Chloe’s advice to June, who helps June get an interview by having drunken sex with a Wall Street employee. Unfortunately, Chloe’s on a drinking bender and had her “martini glasses” on when they had sex. Which means, she had no idea she actually had sex with a man with the mental capacity of a 5-year-old (gulp). And the only way for June to keep her job is to keep Chloe’s martini glasses on (double gulp). Confused? So am I. Because the last time I checked, CHLOE was the B in Apartment 23.
This episode begins Chloe-perfect. “Chloe-perfect,” as in a collection of fab jackets accessorized with WTF faces:
Amazing WTF faces aside, I love these two coats, LOVE LOVE LOVE! Nothing is better than a coat with texture and FURRRRR.
But what, do you ask, could she possibly be WTFing about? Oh, just June stuck on the couch, watching Jeopardy and stuffing her face with a burrito.
(Sidenote: Is there something wrong with watching Jeopardy and stuffing your face every night??? I mean, just wondering. Not for any specific reason or anything…)
On the flip side, June is concerned about Chloe and her drinking problem. However, she should be more concerned with the fact that Chloe is leaving the apartment in this sparkly bronze art project:
I don’t know why I hate this so much… Is it the cleavage cut out or the side body cut out? Is it the sheer arms or the vest-looking design? Or is it because it looks like someone barfed glitter all over her???
I think I’m being way harsh. We all know Chloe is still rocking this monstrosity and awarding major points to Team Chloe Can Wear a Garbage Bag and Still Look Like a Million Bucks.
Chloe urges June to get out there and network, especially because just handing out her resume hasn’t gotten her back on Wall Street. June, being the moral conscience of the show (or so we think… (spoiler alert!)), doesn’t want to “drink her way to the top.” Chloe says, “pooh-pooh” to that in this fantastic but classic Chloe outfit:
Honestly, she looks like she’s just wearing the under lining of a dress but I still absolutely adore this. Wild hair: Check. Fabulous Hair Accessory: Check. Empty Martini Glass: Check. This is a perfect representation of fashion on Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23.
Even June’s hitting her own Fashion MO. June In A Boring, Plain Top: Check.
Fortunately (or unfortunately), Chloe brings out the big guns again: Glitter and Cutouts (already two outfits too many in this episode).
Fortunately (definitely FORTUNATELY this time), Chloe looks absolutely adorable. I love this dress on her.
The “drinking your way to the top” thing doesn’t work for June so she leaves in a huff. Luckily, Chloe employs the “sleeping your way to the top” thing, which works wonders for Chloe AND June.
With her “martini glasses” on, Chloe meets Trey. A hot, wealthy, ethnically ambiguous Wall Street man…
….Who is actually, this guy:
Yikes. Cool stickers, bro.
Chloe gets a call from Sharp Financial Management for an interview in this sort of cute/sort of NOT cute cardigan.
I am NOT a fan of chains hanging off of pockets. Also, are those buttons silver dollars or something?
Chloe reveals to June that she got her the interview by having sex with Trey, an employee at Sharp. June gets the job on the spot, obviously not based on her interview attire:
I like that she’s wearing a pop of color under her blazer but THAT’S IT. BLEHHHHHH.
Despite her sudden good fortune, June meets her boss’s son, the real Trey… (just in case you don’t remember:)
Because her job is threatened if Trey and Chloe ever break up, June decides not to tell Chloe until she signs her contract on Friday. Which will be difficult because it’s kind of hard to keep your mouth shut around Chloe’s next outfit:
I absolutely love this. It’s space cadet meets Speed Racer meets Japanese Rising Sun art and I can’t get enough of it. Score another for Team Chloe Can Wear a Garbage Bag.
Chloe continues to date Trey (martini glasses, people!) and June says goodbye to Mark in this cute, bright and sunny outfit.
Sidenote: isn’t this New York City? And isn’t it winter time (after Thanksgiving i.e. previous episode) or did we skip all the way to July???
June is so close to signing her contract when she comes home to Chloe looking very un-Chloe. AKA SOBER.
Sober Chloe dresses very differently than Drunk Chloe but still looks like perfection. How much does she look like a radder Snow White?
June can’t risk her new job and forces vodka down Chloe’s throat. Which is, on a serious note, all kinds of horrible.
Failing to get Chloe drunk, June seeks the help of Robin, who provides June with a “mind-bang” (a concoction of pomegranate juice and expired nasal spray). June drugs Chloe and they all go out on the town:
I think Chloe and June look pretty typical here, nothing that blows me away. June in a cute bright strapless while Chloe in a black leather trim dress and signature red heels.
I actually think Mark looks pretty cute here with his checkered shirt and v-neck sweater.
Don’t you think so, Chloe?
Yikes. Getting roofied by your roommate does nothing for the face.
June succeeds in drugging her roommate (seriously, NOW who is the B in Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23???) and makes it to the contract signing on Friday in another blazer-skirt combo with a color pop:
Unfortunately, so does Chloe:
Chloe is KILLING it in this episode. Seriously, it’s 7/8 for me at this point and this dress tops the charts!
Chloe knows that June has been lying to her and is not mad (not even mad about being drugged, which is absolutely “pooh-pooh” IMO) because Trey is worth millions of dollars. Unfortunately he’s married, with a kid, and June’s boss wants her to be okay with mistresses. And then, after all that (forcing alcohol down your roommate’s throat, drugging your roommate, lying to your roommate), June quits on the spot.
Whew. What an episode. Where a bunch of stuff happened but in the end, nothing really did.
On another note, JBVD gets a horrible partner on DWTS:
I mean, I won’t even honor this outfit with a comment.
“Trust me, me neither.”