This week on EVERYBODY’S GOT A GUN: So much!! OK, first, it turns out that Ashley and Conrad TOTALLY DID IT and Em’s got the sex tape to prove it. She shares this with Queen V, who uses it as leverage to bring Ashley back to her old prostitute-y ways. And then, obviously, Daniel catched her in flagrante and dumps her ass. And THEN Daniel takes over Grayson Global, Grayson Global takes over NolCorp, and it turns out some dude framed Jack’s Dad for killing some other dude. Or something. Just trust me: it was EPIC. And that’s not even mentioning Victoria’s SHOOTING OUTFIT!!!

 

Emily’s Target
Emily and Aiden are doing their best to get Daniel to take over as head of Grayson Global, which means wrecking Ashley in the process. So she wasn’t their target… more like collateral damage.

Gala of the Week
The christening of the hilariously-named Baby Carl (because calling a baby “Carl” is never not hilarious). Followed by a party at Jack’s bar, that ends, as all these things do, with someone getting TOTALLY SHOT. If I lived in The Hamps, I’d just never throw a party, ever. And definitely never attend any.

Best Dressed
Emily’s lace dress was pretty gorge, but nobody holds a candle to Queen V’s shooting ensemble. Or to the attire of all of the men in that scene — I haven’t seen that many ascots on my TV since last season of Downton Abbey. Can we go skeet shooting like every week??

Most Soapy Moment
When Jack’s friend lay dying outside of his bar, holding on juuuust long enough to let him know the shizz about his father that that guy should have told him like 6 years ago. And then he died. It’s so handy when you’re able to hold off dying long enough to share necessary exposition.

Over-the-Shoulder Hugs: 0, Full-on-face-palms: 1
No OTSH this week, but who cares, when Victoria schools us all in FACE SLAPPING when she smacks Connie. He’s like, “What was that for?” and she’s like, “Take your pick.” 10 points for Queen V.

 

L-A will share her thoughts on ascots, skeet shooting, and Ashley and Conrad’s sex tape on Wednesday!