In the course of one episode, Ivy macks on three different dads: Rufus, William vdW, and Bart. (Although the last one was for pictures only. Less creepy?) She pits Bart and Chuck against each other to see who will win The Implicating Microfilms, but Brooklyn wins when Rufus swipes them and visits Lily to a) hand over said microfilm and b) confirm that Lily is spiking her tea. Lily burns the microfilm, sends Charles into a downward spiral of expensive booze, and renders Ivy unhinged. Shoulda made a copy, sweetheart.

In the B-plot (A-plot? I can’t tell anymore.) Blair successfully launches her juniors line, yet measures her success on whether or not she’s with Chuck. (She’s not. Pacts and whatnot, you know.) To “make it work” and sell the line, she once again solicits Sage’s help. B never learns. Which is probably why she once again utters the words, “I missed you S. You’re my best friend.” And while S is sure that she and Dan are on the path to making sweet, true love, Dan tells Georgina he’s actually writing “the Serena Chapter”. Is he lying to S? To Georgie? Or maybe to ALL THE PEOPLE?


Party du Jour
“B for Waldorf” is launched, and the dons of the five families (aka Mean Girls at the fancy schools) party at the pop-up. This may be the fastest a collection has ever been put together.

Best Quotes
“Lily’s been divorced four, five times. Who can keep count?” — Ivy. We hear that.

Best Outfit
While the length of the skirt was dangerously macaron bearing, S and her day-glo colour blocking (accessorized by a striped purse) was a stand out number.

Worst Outfit
S undoes any ground she gained with grown-up formal wear in earlier episodes by breaking out some Barbarella-ish, cleave-tastic, and completely inappropriate wear for the launch of a teen fashion line.

Anne will be back on Thursday to try to make sense of Serena’s dress and a plot that had little to do with anything that’s ever happened on the show. The writers are maybe spiking their own chamomile?