Part 2 of 2 – That’s So Kara!
Skulking in peignoirs on the Plotting Balcony is so yesterday. Queen V’s ushering in a new era of sleeping with guns as though they were teddy bears.
I mean, I don’t blame her at all. Just seems a little unwelcoming to her husband… who tried to kill her. Play on, playa.
Vic is clearly going through some emotional stuff this week. I mean first, she doesn’t have the energy to curl her hair. Queen V without bouncy waves? HERESY!
The cobalt blue is gorgeous with her colouring but like… this is not the Queen V I know and fear. Not only is her hair flat, but her necklace is askew and… she’s wearing… JEANS!
AND SLIPPERS. FLAT SLIPPERS.
Is this some kind of Lying Game scenario where Queen V’s been replaced by her secret twin from the trailer park? Otherwise I have no idea. Did she take Kara’s meds by mistake? (Because SPOILER: Kara is totally off her meds)
Still, Victoria manages to pull it together for the Grayson Global investors afternoon soiree. This aubergine shift hugs her curves perfectly, while avoiding the sausage-casing look of her Season 1 bandage dresses.
(See what I mean where she’s wearing the same necklace as Ashley? That makes Ash’s outfit like Emily + Victoria, which I guess makes sense if she was trying to subtly get Daniel to pay attention to her. Clever girl.)
Conrad, fresh out of the big house (freed because he made some sort of VAGUELY MYSTERIOUS DEAL with THE INITIATIVE, whoever they are) does his best to “unwind”.
“Is this what they call… relaxing? I don’t like it.”
Daniel is doing his best to hatch a nefarious plot but like, this is Revenge(!!!). His machinations wouldn’t even really work on Gossip Girl, seriously. Just stick to what you’re good at, Daniel: wearing really, really tight shirts and filling out your pants really, really well.
He’s the Nate Archibald of this show, right? Except maybe cuter.
Even when Nate Daniel was sneaking around with Helen from The Initiative, he was clearly outclassed. Daniel’s beige vacuum-sealed suit is no match for Helen’s ivory separates and power necklace.
Cray Mama Kara, like Queen V, has flatter-than-usual hair this week. I think Kara’s meds kept her both less psychotic AND kept a bounce in her wave. See, at the beginning of the episode she was all:
(Let’s not discuss the twee polka-dot dress and white cardigan. Spencer from PLL could pull off this look — MAYBE — but on Kara it just looks 50 shades of tragic.)
And then, after spending the episode off her meds, Kara was like:
This is kinda like Nolan’s popped collars and how they portend what’s to come. The flatter the hair, the worse shizz is going to go.
Because of course, Kara learns that the Graysons helped frame Husband #1 as well as killed Husband #2, and she runs off to destroy them like “Me and my tiny front-purse are gonna DESTROY YOU!”
The best part was when Victoria reached for her teddy bear gun, and Kara was like, “What are you looking for? This gun, which I TOTALLY ALSO HAVE? I HAVE TWO GUNS AND I’M CRAZY, BITCHES!!” (more or less)
And then Emily was like, “That’s so Kara!”
Also? I don’t know how I feel about Emily’s black top with the sheer lacy sleeves. It’s not bad, but it’s not great. Girlfriend looks best in a pop of colour — leave the all-black ensembles for slinking around in dead of night, framing people for murder and other things you do so well.
Speaking of black outfits, Extremely Boring Padma was in this episode for like five seconds. You know how we bitch that they never show us Ashley’s whole outfits? With Padma, I don’t even know what sort of garment she’s wearing. All I know is it’s black.
Like, is that a blazer? A shirt? A dress? Did they just throw a black curtain over her? Does anybody care?
And fine. Much as I like to pretend the whole “Jack’s bar has health code violations! Oh noes!” plotline does not exist, it keeps happening every week. So, you know there’s this guy, who I don’t know who he is, really?
So, his brother showed up this week, and he looks like this:
I reserve the right to withhold judgment until we see him shirtless.
And how to end another hard week’s worth of REVENGE(!!!)? Queen V replaces her now-missing bedtime gun with a glass of brandy. This is not entirely different from what I look like when I write these recaps, so I obviously approve.
And Emily and Aiden go in for — not a Revenge Over-the-Shoulder HugTM — but a total makeout fest! Get him, girl!
While L’il Carl Porter watches it all unfold with an omniscient eye.
Calling it here first: L’il Carl is the mastermind behind The Initiative. I mean, it makes as much sense as anything else on this show, right?