Full disclosure: I hate Grease. Hate it. Similarly, I have not been receptive to the ongoing saga at McKinley with the latest batch of New Directions misfits and was therefore not emotionally involved in this episode. Combined with the lack of Kurt/Rachel to up the fashion quotient, this was my least favorite hour of television all year. I have no doubt though that this will be surpassed by next week’s actual production of Grease, which I am thankfully not recapping. But anyway, Finn came back to work at Mr. Hummel’s garage, has been drafted to direct Grease, recruited an adorable football player with Bieber hair to play Danny Zuko, and unthinkingly (as he is wont to do) called Sue’s baby “retarded”. Schue and Emma had many talks with Bieste about leaving Lima, Blaine is nursing his broken heart and being a drama-queen, while Kitty is the epitome of pure heartless evil. The actress who plays her should be careful that no one recognizes her, confuses her with her character, and punches her in the face.

 

Rachel’s Blaine’s Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

Since Lea Michele wasn’t in this episode, I’m awarding this to Blaine and his soulful rendition of “Hopelessly Devoted to You”.

It appears that Blaine misses Kurt to the point that he’s started wearing hyper-colorful jeans to invoke and/or channel him. Unfortunately, it’s manifested itself in his sadness and he was wearing skinnies the color of mucus. This is the exact shade you see at the onset of bronchitis and run to get antibiotics.

 

How Sue Sees It:

Oh, la. Poor Finn still continues to lack an inner voice and calls Sue’s infant her “retarded baby”. Does he NOT remember lashing out at Kurt by calling him a “f**” in season one? He redeemed himself then by dressing as Gaga, but there is no single costume change he could possibly invoke here to atone, unless he decides to host a benefit screening of My Left Foot and donate the proceeds to charity.

What was most devastating was she didn’t immediately say anything to him or make a retort off the bat. You know how they say when someone’s really, really sad and disappointed, they just don’t say anything? That’s exactly what Sue did, and did not say. It’s easily her most humanizing moment since the funeral for her sister last season. I must, however, give her snaps for wearing a purple track suit while recounting in His Girl Friday-style delivery her recent history of inclusiveness and fighting for diversity (conveniently forgetting that she used to call Kurt “lady” dismissively).

 

Song of the Week:

I don’t think “Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” was perhaps the best song to connect with listeners, but it worked as Marley and Unique’s duet. They don’t have the Rachel-Kurt dynamic, but I like that they enjoy each other’s company and support one another. I felt the bile in my throat disappear when I typed that.

I’m a little confused by that long scarf-like thing poking out of Marley jeans, but I’m digging the vest and chains. It’s not over-the-top Try Hard rocker, more like a soft tribute. A cuff would have turned it up, but I feel that she was missing a fedora. Unique, for her part, is dressed the way Mercedes usually does.

 

Alumnus of the Week:

This will take the place of the dance number of the week, as Kate Hudson wasn’t hoofing it in a jumpsuit that her BFF Gwyneth Paltrow recommended on GOOP. We see Mercedes and Mike Chang show up to consult on the new production of Grease. Is this what they do now when they’re not busy doing, oh I don’t know, working on recording contracts, studying for midterms, writing term papers, having sex, gaining the Freshman Fifteen? They hang around their old high school?

This is a matchy-matchy combo. Mercedes’s shirt matches Sue’s track suit, but with more color-blocking. Artie’s sweater, if paired with Blaine’s mucus pants, would make for an unfortunate outfit that would be the worst prison jumpsuits ever. I imagine this is what they used to make prisoners dress underneath their winter coats in One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch. (One thousand points to me for referring to classical Russian literature while writing on a fashion TV blog.) Mike is dressed like he’s ready to dance, but since there is no dance number, the outfit is now just functional and something I’d wear on a trip to the grocery store. Finn needs a little polo player or alligator on his shirt to make me write further about it.

 

Soul-Deadening Horrible Outfits of the Week:

Emma.

Twice.

I know that her parents are total racists (“ginger supremacist”, my high tight Chinese ass), but why is she always dressed like she’s taking them to a country club Easter brunch? No one has brunch more than twice a week.

 

Best Outfit of the Week:

None, as neither Rachel nor Kurt were around, and Blaine was a blubbering mess whose judgment has been clouded by his broken heart. So to counter this hole in our collective hearts, I am posting a picture of Mariah Carey’s Halloween costume from her Facebook page to make us all feel better.

You’re welcome.

 

Suggested Future Plays for New Directions:

You did West Side Story and it ROCKED. Here are other plays you could have done: Spring Awakening, Les Miserables, Chicago, The Book of Mormon. Yet, you picked Grease. I am not letting this one go.