It was a Halloween party in Apartment 23’s building this week. Well, actually several Halloween parties, as we took a trip through Halloweens past. Dickens would be so proud. The best part of this time warp (*cuepelvicthrusts) was Chloe’s costume smorgasbord! On a less awesome note, we discover that Chloe likes to play a horrible Halloween trick on an unsuspecting person each year, and that James is scared of Halloween. Meanwhile, the only thing about June that didn’t disappoint was her hair – the parade of boring clothes continued, she dressed as a Lady Hobbit for James’ Halloween party, and she completely snubbed a cute firefighter. Good job making the most of your first single Halloween in 40 years!

 

Ok, first can we PLEASE talk about this week’s montage of Cute Chloe Costumes? Girlfriend straight-up cements her b**ch status and looks chic in anything.

First we have, a flapper:

 

Then a fabulous parrot (which, at first, made me think of this guy):

 

A very Mad-Men-esque flight attendant:

 

Topped off with this year’s costume – Sexy Bus Driver. I take the bus every day and I can definitively say that sentence is an oxymoron.

I especially covet the fingerless gloves and studded bracelet, although I have no idea what those have to do with driving a bus. The girl could dress as a Sasquatch and still look simultaneously cool and hot (no mean feat, I assure you).

 

Alas, she did not spend the entire episode in costumes – she also wore regular clothes. And when I say “regular” I mean regular for her (i.e. someone with legs for days and zero love handles). Observe the chic leather and suede black jacket at the movie theatre:

I know C – I was just as shocked to see you wearing such an electric colour. But don’t worry, it looks great on you!

 

Then she goes back to her tried-and-true body-con dress, this one in a fun red and black print:

 

 

And what’s this?! A new accessory – my isn’t it cute (they sure make ’em charmant in Australia):

 

Chloe dons the same beautiful burgundy, but with a more casual twist, perfect for a morning-after-Halloween stroll down the block. With a bumblebee (natch).

I hope she doesn’t have a balled up pair of panties in that chain-link purse because I want to borrow it!

 

As for you Junebug, that teal dress above looks like the same one you wore for Dawson’s funeral last week. I’ll let the boring repeat slide because it’s a nice colour, I’m pretty sure you make minimum wage, and I’m all for reimagining pieces. Still, your clothes can’t help but look a bit tired next to Chloe’s modern-goth garb. I mean, look at this top:

This reminds me of a peanut-butter cup. Wait…all of a sudden I kind of love it. Where’s that leftover Halloween candy?

 

However, I do have to agree with L-A’s recap last week and say that your hair always looks gorg. Be honest, you are one of those Marsha Brady types who brush each side of their head exactly 100 times every.single.night, aren’t you? Whatever you do, I wanna know what it is STAT so that I can start copying. Check out this cute little bun with leopard headband:

This is clearly a “too lazy to wash or style my hair so I just threw it up on top of my head” style, but it sure as hell looks better than my lazy day bun!

 

But here, as a Lady Hobbit, she seems to have wandered into some dangerous lands.

Forget Modor, Bad Wedding Updo Territory is the truely terrifying place!

 

She finally comes to her senses and tries to track down her would-be firefighting husband in a smooth ‘do and red trenchcoat. One might even call it “fire-engine red”.

Oh, boys?! Anyone hooooome? I’m on FIRE!

 

The girls wore so many mentionable outfits, I have no time left for James! However, you’re not missing much. Well, nothing except this:

James, honey…is that a dress? Pretty sure I saw Karen Lynn Gorney wear it in Saturday Night Fever. This is not a flattering look on anyone. You should give it to Chloe once Halloween is all over. I’m sure she’d look great in it. B**ch.