Our six seasons with Gossip Girl start and end with Serena on a train, except this time she’s allegedly missing. Flash forward to the end of a summer of bad decisions – Chuck and Blair have created some kind of secret engagement pact they’ll fulfill after they carry out their destiny as industry leaders. Dan, his hair (less like a small, angry animal this season, but still equally animated), and Georgina are in Tuscany writing his latest tell-all book, while Nate is being an investigative journalist at his investigative newspaper. The Scooby Gang reunites on a road trip to Poughkeepsie to save S. Again. Although, S doesn’t need saving. Or enemies. Her friends are enough for that. Then again, she doesn’t help herself out by pretending to be Sabrina from Wisconsin who went to Vassar. Because honestly? No one was going to buy that.

As for the parents who raised these misfits, Totally Not Dead Bart is back to being attached to Lily Van der Woodsen Bass Humphrey Bass and is up to something no good that I can’t be bothered to care about, Lily calmly sips “tea” as her daughter remains MIA, and Rufus has been bunking down in Brooklyn with Chivy who has plans to use him as her pawn. Rufus, out of cowl necks and back into plaid, is playing right into her hands. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

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Party du Jour
An upstate gay wedding where it turns out S is not the bride, just tacky enough to wear white as the maid of honor. It’s okay, her friends are there to not only crash the party, but also to ruin the wedding. 

Best Quotes
“Serena recouping in rehab is much less interesting than full-on slut spiral.” – G

“How did I think it was okay to go all summer without talking to my daughter?” – Lily (who is clearly hoping she’ll finally win Mother of the Year).

Best Outfit
Lily’s dove grey lace – it’s like a Grace Kellyish dream from the UES to condescend on Brooklyn. 

Worst Outfit
While Dan’s t-shirt looked like it was a white t-shirt that has been mixed with the darks one too many times, the worst is going to Blair for being so uninspired and untailored in a polka dot wrap blouse. Girlfriend, why are you letting yourself go? 

 

Amanda will be here on Thursday to bring us the full snark on the opening of our final season of GG. I feel the end of an era coming on.