Part 1 of 2: Moody Midwest Makeovers
There comes a time in every high-school focused show when the writers rely on the time honoured tradition of a makeover. Sure, Glee has had a few classic makeover episodes, but this week killed it, y’all. So in honor of that, I’m doing this recap old-school style – the way we used to cover Glee before it started sucking. Don’t get too used to it. We’re still not out of the After School Special woods just yet.
In Ohio, Blaine and Brittany face off in a presidential battle with Artie and Sam as their running mates. Were there makeovers involved? You bet your ass there were. While the kids play political ‘Pygmalion’, Will wrestles with a choice to make a difference for arts education across the country; otherwise known as this year’s boring subplot. On the east coast, Kurt and Rachel seem to be settling into New York City quite nicely. Kurt’s killing it at Vogue.com with the lovely SJP as his mentor, and Rachel gets the makeover of a lifetime in the Vogue Vault. Oh, and Brody totally macks on her right when Finn shows up. Dramz Alert.
Let me begin by presenting the many faces of Blaine Warbler-Anderson. Or is it Anderson-Warbler? I’m sure we all agree that Blaine regularly looks cutes patoots in everything he wears, but I fully support his bow-tie/polo combination. Especially since the polo is just a hair too tight and tucked. Class. The mustard cardigan is toeing in Rachel Berry territory. I’m thinking he should drop that polo underneath and switch it up with a graphic tee. I mean, what 17-year old kid doesn’t own a graphic tee?
Blaine’s presidential garb is a little more professional than I would have thought. You’ll notice the absence of a bow-tie, as well. It’s nice, clean and conservative. Nothing jumping off the page to make you say, “…gurrrrrrllllllll”.
Speaking of his run for presidency, Blaine’s running mate is everyone’s favourite former stripper, Sam. They’re a pretty adorbs dream team, even if Sam is as thick as the product in Blaine’s hair. I think I’ll rename Sam the Bow-Tie Buster, since he convinced Blaine he looked like Orville Redenbacher. Good eye, Straight Sam. Now if only you were just a little bi-curious.
It’d be fairly difficult to beat a team of Blam, especially when one is hammier than an Easter Dinner…
and the other has the same reservations about taking his top off as Courtney Stodden.
On the other side of the race, Brittany convinces Artie to be her running mate to “bridge the human/robot divide” and to “ensure that both students and vending machines will be voting for [them]”. Yes, even though Brittany has become a main character, her little zingers still make me giggle like a 14-year old at a sleepover. And yes, that is two students face deep in each other. Seriously, watch Glee’s background – that’s where the best sight gags are.
For her makeover, Brittany gets all sexy librarian up in this bitch. Personally, I preferred her patriotic dress to the cobalt blue blouse. Whatever, Brittany looks fantastic in blue and thankfully didn’t spend the whole episode in her Cheerios uniform. Sidebar: IT’S THE FOURTH SEASON, LET THE UNIFORMS GO.
Look at that face. You wouldn’t think it’d be capable of delivering the hilarious exchange:
Artie: “So I could be Cheney to your Bush?”
Brittany: “I’d rather be landing strip.”
Brittany’s feather print top is super cute and just another piece of evidence that she looks brilliant in blue. Plus, look at the little piggy earrings! I won’t say that I squee’d over them, but I also won’t say that I didn’t.
So how does one convey the frustration and trepidation of a teenager about to go through a makeover? By butchering a classic grunge song from Hole! Unless you’ve spent the better part of the early 90s on the bathroom floor of a Four Seasons with mystery bruises on your legs, an eternal case of dry mouth, and raccoon eyes that might as well be tattooed on, you do not have the rage to sing “Celebrity Skin”.
Artie’s wardrobe was nice and predictable this episode. Sweater vest on top of sweater vest, then a smart looking tie for the debate. Although I have to take some issue with his brown toned vest because I know that boy did not just bring a scoop neck sweater vest into my house. I most definitely was hallucinating during that nightmare.
Could Artie and Sugar be the next power couple? Probably not since he constantly wears patterns inspired by Russian nesting dolls, and Sugar looks like she rolled around in a closet with Liza Minelli. Pearls and fur for daaaaaaaaaaaaaays.
It seems that in Ohio, if you’re over 21 you aren’t allowed to evolve as a fashionable person. OK, Emma is still the cutest little Holly Hobby with a career; who else has floral patterned rubber gloves?! But even the girliest of girls gets over pink at some point.
Sue is… well… some things probably shouldn’t change. Although, can we just get her an Adidas sponsorship? This hideous sky blue, two-stripe tarp she’s trucking around ruins her shape. Elastic bands on the bottom of a track jacket are your friend, gurl. They’re everyone’s friend.
I’d hate to wake up with Will Schuester’s dilemma every day: do I wear a plaid shirt with a solid tie, or do I wear a solid shirt with a plaid tie? It’s a Sophie’s Choice à la mode, y’all.
But you know who doesn’t need to change? This queen. You stay sassy and classy, Birdie.
So what’s happening in NYC with Rachel and Kurt? Well, Blaine would have you believe that he and Kurt spend every night together Skyping episode of ‘Treme’ while wearing adorbs PJs. But we know that ain’t so.