What Jess Wore

New Girl is not so “new” anymore – it’s back for a 2nd season! Which means we get to continue recapping Zooey D’s gorg hair and hipster-cute outfits. It’s a win-win! Unfortunately the episode doesn’t start off too well for Jess, as she gets laid off from her teaching job (not even a tiny glitter top hat could soften the blow). Meanwhile, Schmidt’s penis cast comes off and like any good marketing expert, he decides to throw a party to re-brand himself. And, as it always does when Schmidt has plans up his sleeve, things get a little cray-cray after that.

 

Boy o boy, this was not a good week for Jess. First this happened:

“Pure unadulterated friendship” is one way to describe this. So is “Scarred for life” (you can never un-see something like that). THEN she goes to work and is told to pack her things and leave. The silver lining is that she is wearing a super-cute, vintage-style sundress throughout all this trauma:

 

 

How cute is that black patent bow belt? She has no idea what is coming, but at least she looks great, right?

 

Theeeeeen this happened:

I can’t lie – I actually find this tiny little glitter hat to be super-cute. Maybe not for everyday-wear sure, but its quirky cuteness actually suits Jess’ personality, don’t you think? The guys pretty much hate it, but honestly, what do guys know about what’s cute, right ladies? I know my boyfriend would be just thrilled if I never wore any clothes, let alone ones with glitter on them. Glitter scares them. Anyhoo, whoever lost this baby must have been sad IMHO.

 

Jess decides to get out of her unemployment slump by working as a shot girl at Schmidt’s “penis party”. In typical Jess fashion, she tries to inject a little style and class into the role, but only succeeds in making it super awkward. She walks around quietly asking guys in a Mae West style voice if she can “whet their whistle”. She does this in a 1940’s style “cigarette-girl” get-up:

Ok, am I the only one who thinks this is totally adorable? I mean, the striped bib with bow, the sailor-style shorts, and *again* the adorable mini glitter hat? Sure, she doesn’t have her boobs and butt hanging out but it’s so. much. fun. Again, the guys don’t like it/don’t get it (probably due to the aforementioned lack of T&A) but it’s probably just as well because Jess decides that she’s not cut out for the shot girl game after all. Pretty sure we all could have told her that 5 minutes into the episode and saved her the grief, but hey – it’s a tv show, there has to be a lesson, right? 

 

What lesson did I learn, kiddies? Don’t try to be something your not. Well that and don’t play with fire. Seriously, don’t – this could happen:

Get in line, ladies. Schmidty is back on the market. 

That being said. If this isn’t your fruity cocktail, read on for Jill’s recap of Part 2 (yes, there were TWO episodes in this premiere! How awesome is that?!).