Ok, so not a whole lot of our shows get nominated for the Emmys. I guess they just don’t see the genius of Pretty Little Liars the way that we do. But they did recognize a few of our faves, including Revenge, Mad Men, Project Runway, New Girl, and Girls. What did we think of their red carpet looks? Thought you’d never ask…

 

Emily Vancamp

L-A: A pile of meh. But the colour is lovely and I’d maim someone to get that bracelet.
Jen: From the waist down, I like. But the top of the gown gets a Red Sharpie from me.
Jill: Is this a gown? I couldn’t tell because it’s so sheer and bland.
Ritchie: L-A, I think you’re alone in your appreciation of the colour.
Ann: Yeah, weird colour choice for sure. But she knows ninja king fu so I’ll never say anything against her. Y’all need to watch your backs.

 

Christina Hendricks

Bethany: Oh look, more oatmeal on the red carpet.
L-A: Color aside, enough already. I get it. There has to be another style available that suits her body and her giant rack.
Jen: As someone who is similarly proportioned, I maintain that there is.
Jill: Boobs, belt, color – all wrong.
Jen: Gah! I didn’t even notice the belt until you pointed it out!
Ritchie: Ay yi yi, yo pensaba que las melones mas grandes en los Premios de Emmy eran las de Sofia Vergara. ARRIBA!
Bethany: Best hair on the red carpet though.
Ritchie: Sí, senorita.

 

Elisabeth Moss

Jill: I’m fine with the print, but the mullet-cut bottom and the ruffles upped the cheap factor by one million per cent.
Ritchie: Maybe she’s researching a role where she plays a cocktail waitress in 1987?
Bethany: Well, whatever’s going on here, girl is strutting her way out of her style rut.
Ann: Yes, apart from the dress, this may be the best she’s ever looked.
Jill: Snaps for the new haircut. And blonde looks good on her.

 

January Jones

L-A: “Look how un-Betty Draper I am! Skinny! Edgy! Dark!”
Jill: It’s a black version of something Lady Gaga did a couple years ago. Nothing could be worse.
Ritchie: I disagree. I like the criss-cross and severe styling. She’s all “goth girl at an awards show”.
Jen: I agree that the “I’m Not Betty!” crusade is getting to be a bit much, but overall, I really do like it. Great pattern in the bodice and the striped detailing on the skirt adds dimension.
Ann: I quite like this for no real reason. At least it’s interesting.

 

Jessica Pare

Kim: This looks a bit like a J Crew wedding dress, but I kind of like the simplicity at the same time. And the headpiece. It’s all very French
Jill: I wouldn’t normally like this, but it was slim pickings for me with red carpet fashions this year. So I’m on board. L-A will hate it because it’s a fancy toga.
L-A: I do hate fancy togas. This one is more of a boring toga. And was totally done on Gossip Girl a few years ago.
Jen: Who did it on GG?
L-A: Pretty sure it’s not unlike something Serena wore is about Season 3 – she ended up riding a horse that episode. It was possibly season premiere, when she was looking for Daddy van der Woodsen. And Blair wore mint green and a cloche and a Tiffany key (because Tiffany keys were still new). My memory of GG outfits is ridiculous. I need to empty my head of this trivia somehow.
Jen: If only there was a web site out there that painstakingly documented who wore what, on what show. Oh, hey now: /gossipgirl/tag/03×01

 

Kiernan Shipka

L-A: Age appropriate, but I still have yet to get the big deal about this kid.
Jill: Well, I think she’s just a delight, and I love this dress and the cute purse. It’s like 1920s meets the Jetsons in a really good way.
L-A: On TV, it looked like someone overdid her kiddie makeup. Like the episode where Sally Draper puts makeup on and Don’s all, “uh uh. wash it off”.
Jen: Oh, the one where she was wearing the silver go-go boots, too? Speaking of, I do like her little silver heels, although I wish she would wear more warm tones. Overall, the look is delicate and princess-y, and I’ll bet she felt like a million bucks. And I guess when you’re a kid growing up on screen, that’s what counts.

 

Heidi Klum

L-A: On TV this looked lovely. Now it looks like something one might wear when hosting a 70s swingers party.
Jen: “For your next challenge, you will be designing leisure suits.”
Kim: I think she looks like an extra from Clash of the Titans – the sherbert sequel
Jill: Or like a pageant contestant who you know slept with half the judges.
Ritchie: Or Valkyrie as sex goddess.
Ann: I feel it bears noting this is a dress with two slits, not pants. This woman is never allowed to criticize a designer again for making a look that is “too sexy”

 

Kenley Collins

Ann: Here’s the dress Ven designed for Kenley after winning that challenge this season.
Jen: Wait. Isn’t this a different…
Ann: Pattern? Color? Top?
Jen: Um. Yes.
Kim: What the heck! I kind of love the print but why would they put her in a completely different dress? What was the point of the challenge then?
Ann: All it has in common is the 50s silhouette… like everything Kenley ever wears.

 

Zooey Deschanel

Jen: It’s a good thing she didn’t win. I think the act of raising a gold statuette in the air would result in a wardrobe malfunction.
L-A: If the top were better, I might be able to deal with the mess of laser cut skirt.
Jill: I love it. She looks like a Disney princess, which is not to everyone’s taste, I know. But I adore her.
L-A: But a Disney princess with a skirt caught in a weed wacker and sad boobs. And no one wants sad boobs.
Ann: I agree there’s something awry with the bodice. I like the idea of this better than the execution. I will say that the colour is gorgeous with her blue eyes.
L-A: The colour is lovely. And she can totally pull of the poufy skirts. From far away I thought I’d love it. But up close, you realize it’s a Monet.
Jill: Really? I liked the skirt even better up close.
Ritchie: It’s what a hipster red carpet gown looks like: unfinished.
Jen: Hems are so mainstream.

 

Lena Dunham

Ritchie: No. Just no. She’s lovely, love her makeup and hair, but the pattern is hiddy.
Bethany: Yeah, that heavy brocade fabric sends it into funereal territory.
Jen: It’s the high neckline that bothers me. As I am (probably) distantly related to Lena Dunham, I feel qualified to give her some advice: Cuz, don’t hide your light under a bushel. Let the “girls” (no, not the ones you write about) come out and play.
Jill: Lena is looking better than ever, with a cool new haircut and a slimmer figure, and this gown just does nothing for her.
L-A: One size smaller and I could be on board with the neckline and everything. I like the idea here.

 

Zosia Mamet

Jill: The worst of the night. What is even going on?? It’s like she’s a hooker from Star Trek or something. Do they have working girls on Star Trek?
Jen: Well, Marina Sirtis once commented that her outfit on Star Trek: Next Generation made her look like “an intergalactic cheerleader” so I suppose anything’s possible.
Ann: I think softer hair would have made this look less like a Star Trek dominatrix school marm. Snaps for stepping out of the box, though. At least it’s not another strapless yawn.
Jen: It’s the final frontier of fashion.