Dim sum, Charlie’s Angels costumes and the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. Really these are the only times when a threesome is considered okay. All four girls learn this the hard way when they are either intentionally or unintentionally thrust into them. Charlotte begins dating Jack who pops the threesome question while Carrie is rocked by the news that Big was married once to a beautiful publisher. Samantha has an affair with a married man whose wife gets involved and Miranda loses her confidence when the girls don’t pick her for a hypothetical threesome. Yowza. Who knew adding an extra person can cause this much drama?

 

The episode begins with our favorite WASP, Charlotte York, who meets her new boyfriend, Jack, at a charity function. Charlotte looks perfectly lovely in a cream-colored sheath dress, simple accessories and of course, a glass of the bubbly.

 

It’s a classic love story. As in:

“Hey, I just met you…”

 

“… And this is crazy…”

 

“…But do you want to have a threesome with me?”

 Errr…

 

The next day, Charlotte relays the good (??) news to the crew in a high v-neck top and a collarless leather jacket.

Eh.

Meh.

Bleh.

 

Well. At least she’s not Miranda.

I don’t want to offend or anything, but I’m not on board with the sentiment that redheads are always safe in green. Especially bright green track jackets and mint green tops while eating green cucumbers. It’s not working for me.

 

Blondie Samantha, on the other hand, seems to always be able to pull off colors that match her hair color.

 

I love that Carrie, even with sweatpants, a simple blue muscle tee and greasy fingers, still looks the cutest out of the whole group.

Also, she does a pretty convincing job of looking like she actually ate those french fries. ‘Cause Real Talk: she did not actually eat those french fries.

 

Charlotte goes out with Jack in the perfect ’90s Teen Movie Prom Dress.

 

But I’m so distracted by her… cornrows?! Isn’t this what white girls do when they visit Cancun?

Also, that necklace is one link away from being a tattoo choker necklace. Every single one of those necklaces better have been destroyed in the last decade.

 

Meanwhile, Miranda feels left out by her BFF threesome (Carrie, Charlotte, Sam) and decides to make herself even more left out by dressing like a pimp from the 80s.

Even her WTF face cannot distract from this WTF Outfit.

 

Charlotte discusses with Carrie about the possibility of her taking the threesome plunge in a very Upper East Side Soccer Mom pink suit jacket.

I actually think Charlotte looks adorbz in this outfit. Yeah, it’s pretty classic Charlotte aka boring, safe and too-old-for-her. But she looks super super pretty in pink.

 

Carrie looks great as well alongside Charlotte in a barely opaque lace top, an oversized blue coat and denim capris. Not a big fan of capris but Carrie sure pulls it off with peep-toe heels and her “I-just-woke-up-from-the-best-sex-of-my-life” curls.

 

Carrie tells the girls that Big has not only been married once before but has also had a threesome with his ex. Oh. Thanks, bro. No big deal or anything.

 

Samantha looks great in her purple blazer and gold accents but I mean, I feel like she’s worn a rendition of this same outfit multiple times before.

 

Speaking of wearing a rendition of the same outfit multiple times before, Carrie recycles her blue muscle tee but spices it up by pulling her hair back in a pony. “Spices it up” as in, makes it only SLIGHTLY different.

 

Well, at least Miranda’s wearing something new. And she actually sorta kinda looks like a woman.

Maybe it’s the lipstick. Or the accessories. Or her “come-and-get-me” face. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still think her outfit is hideous. But at least she looks hideously feminine. Does that count???

 

Samantha runs into the married guy she’s sleeping with and his wife (ugh, I hate when that happens!) and looks pretty “c’est la vie!” in her retro shades and boxy coat.

I can’t believe it but I somehow LOVE this.  Even with the gross metallic sheen on her coat.

 

Back to redheads who can’t wear certain colors…

Note to readers: when running into the woman who is sleeping with your husband, don’t ever wear this outfit.

 

Carrie decides to investigate Big’s ex in this amazing pink wool coat. These are one of those sexy “Meet Me in the Coat Check Room in Five Minutes” coats that looks like you’re wearing absolutely nothing underneath. Perfect Ex Investigation outfit.

 

Sure, she might not actually be naked underneath but her outfit is pure perfection. Nude boat-neck, black knee-high skirt, white socks, mary janes and a massive quilted clutch. Reminds me of what PLL’s Spencer Hastings would wear in 10 years.

 

Unfortunately, Carrie’s worst nightmare comes true. Big’s ex is not only beautiful, friendly and successful, she’s Carrie’s biggest fan. And I might even be HER biggest fan. Because even with a meh blue suit, she still looks absolutely gorg.

Bitch.

 

Unfortunately not anyone can pull off men-inspired outfits:

Are Miranda’s outfits even worth discussing anymore? #canteven

 

Carrie meets up with Barb once again but trades her mary janes in for a blue suit that looks eerily familiar to a certain boyfriend’s ex’s.

Also, Carrie, your hair! Why… but… sex… hair… love… don’t… change…

 

Even Barbara agrees, in her forest green blazer and bronze blouse. Man, she can pull off green. And bronze lipstick. This girl was born to be in the 90s.

 

Meanwhile, Samantha’s married man sitch gets messy when he calls her to tell her he’s leaving his wife. This is a threesome Samantha will gladly opt out of and like a boss, she ends the relationship on her fabulous phone.

She really can pull off colors similar to her skin/hair tone. This metallic cardigan is perfect for ending affairs. Note to readers: if you ever want to end an affair with a married man and his wife who wants to have a threesome, wear this outfit.

 

Jack and Charlotte attend a masquerade ball, looking for the Curly to their Moe and Larry. Charlotte wears a slinky ice blue dress and a gold mask, looking appropo for an imminent threesome. But what’s with the scarf that girl’s wearing? Are those Christmas ornaments on the end of it?

 

I guess not everyone is planning to have a threesome that night. Am I right, Charlotte?

Oooooh yeah.

Sidenote: Jack looks like a creep.

 

The two sneak upstairs to fool around and are joined by a woman who automatically assumes they want a threesome. Was it the wink? How is that clear?

Unfortunately, Jack only wants to hook up with Miss Peacock over here with the elbow gloves and the really good reading of winks.

 

Miranda, still insecure about herself, answers a threesome ad and DAMNNNNNNNNN GIIIIRRRRRLLLLL.

Miranda. Everything in this episode has been redeemed by this one outfit. Simple black dress that accentuates her assets (assets = boobs, if that wasn’t clear) and a statement necklace. I. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. GET IT, GIRL.

 

Though Carrie goes out with Big again, she can’t get rid of the thought of Big’s ex. He assures her they weren’t right for each other and Carrie and Big make up. She wears a blue jacket over a simple black tank and red pencil, looking pretty casual for a date night.

 

But at least she’s not wearing the same outfit again. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Barbara.

Even if you are just a figment of Carrie’s imagination. 

 

So, some important lessons we’ve learned from this episode are: threesomes are most always bad news, your hair color does affect what colors you wear and when you imagine your boyfriend’s ex standing next to you, think of a different outfit besides the one you first saw her in. Please. For YKYLF’s sake.