Part 1 of 3: If You Were Gay

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Quinn’s pregnant and she tells Finn it’s his baby, when really it’s Puck’s, and Terri’s faking being pregnant and thinks she can sub the lovechild in as Will’s. Kurt wants to get on the football team and ends up teaching them to be bootylicious like Beyonce and coming out to his dad. Snaps for Kurt! Sue tries to break up the glee club by organising a musical and Rachel jumps ship because Will gave Tina a solo and she wants to play the lead.

 

All the single ladies, now put your hands up!

Oh, and all the single gentlemen too. Those without full knowledge of sequins need not apply.

 

Kurt’s dad, Burt, is not half so fabulous as his son. He has a penchant for plaid shirts and henleys and has baseball caps for every occasion, but his heart’s in the right place. His fatherly love/guilt tripping prompts Kurt to go out for the football team…

 

This is a quarterback who couldn’t tell his Dolce from his Gabbana.

 

This is a young man who named his binkies Dolce and Gabbana. I love the matching colours and the tee over the tank top, very Flashdance. Care to flash us a little shoulder, Kurt?

 

This is a hot ‘hawk who schtupped his best friend’s girl – yes, in a parrallel uncannily similar to Gossip Girl’s ‘Chuck knocked up Nate’s girlfriend Blair’ storyline, Glee has that Puck knocked up Finn’s girlfriend Quinn. On GG, it was a pregnancy scare.

This time, it’s for realsies.

 

Quinn (Hester) Prynne couldn’t look more virginal. The perfect ponytail, the Cheerios uniform with its tiny skirt…on second thoughts, she could look more virginal, but Dianna Agron is pretty and fair and totally pulls off the whole ‘butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth’ thing.

 

She’s a pregnant knockout, seriously.

 

Shame about her baby daddy, who seems to share Kurt’s dad’s taste in plaid…

 

And shame about her ‘baby daddy’ (phony daddy? Baby beard?)

Once upon a time, Bella did Gossip Girl recaps, hence why she keeps mentioning it. Bella hated plaid, for it was worn so often on that show. Bella thought Glee would be a breath of fresh air.

Until she met Finn ‘stripes go with everything’ Hudson. Seriously. Regardless of colour, cut or decency. Hoodie! Polo shirt! Rugby shirt! Actual shirt! As long as it’s striped, Finn will wear it.

 

The neatly coiffed Kurt is the real breath of fresh air, even when in uniform.

 

But Puck’s my pick for fantasy football. I suspect under those pads which make it look as if his shoulders go on for miles, his shoulders actually do go on for miles.

 

What do you know, they do! Shame it seems that his clothes have to have some kind of tie to sports, or he’ll shrivel up and die. What I wouldn’t give to see Mark Salling in a tux.

 

I’ll rely on Kurt for class, since he works the same headband/moisturiser combo I do every night.

On a serious note, Kurt comes out this episode, which is awesome. The title of this section is a song from Avenue Q: ‘if you were gay, that’d be okay’. It is okay to be who you are, which is the main message of Glee. Dry skin? Not okay. Being yourself? Awesome.

 

It is also okay to perform Single Ladies at a football match to psych out the other team. Gay or straight, these fellas are rocking it. I would put a ring on all of them.