This week’s episode is all about being embarrassed. Carrie worries Big is embarrassed to be sleeping with her; Miranda finds an embarrassing secret about her latest guy; Charlotte recalls an affair she was too embarrassed to take public; and Samantha looks awesome and is never embarrassed about anything, ever.

 

So, you know how at the beginning of every episode, Carrie walks down the street in a tutu and then is splashed with mud from a bus with her picture on it?

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This week we see her photo shoot for this bus ad campaign, and learn that she got to keep the nude-coloured dress.

 

Like a not totally insane person, she decided to wear the dress not only in public, but on her first date with Big:

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NERPS! I SEE CARRIE’S NERPS! NERPS!

 

I mean, girlfriend’s clearly got a slammin’ bod, but like… SRSLY? The ladies loyally tell her that she looks great, though Charlotte quickly coins it “the naked dress.” That description is pretty much perfect and I don’t think I can come up with a better name… or can I? 

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Carrie is, as we all know, a fashion renegade but – seriously? That is not even a dress. It is a) see-through, b) macaron-grazing, and as we soon realize c) backless.

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Like, I have seen squares of toilet paper with more fabric than this.

 

She obviously can’t go outside just in the dress – the fresh air would cause her nerps would start poking people in the eyes. So like any classy dame, she throws on her trademark rabbit fur coat and some nude heels:

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This ensemble leaves Big (in an oh-so-’99 black suit/black shirt/coloured tie combo) speechless:

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And after a display of red hot chemistry, they totally get it on right there in the limo – like Blair and Chuck before Chair was a glimmer in Josh Schwartz’s eyes. Is there a name for Carrie and Big? CAB? Biggie?

 

Biggie take their hanky panky back to Big’s apartment where… OK, I’ll give him E for Effort, but this not what we had in mind at YKYLF when we asked the networks for more male shirtlessness:

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Afterwards, Big took her to The No Tell Motel a Chinese restaurant, where Carrie runs into her friend and his date, Libby:

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OH HONEY NO. The permed bangs? The half-updo? The blouse with a pattern that looks like it came from re-used nurse’s scrubs? THE SHORT SLEEVED BLAZER? Your guy isn’t embarrassed by your face, it’s your fashion sense – which can be easily improved. Wait, were Stacy and Clinton around in 1999?

 

Interestingly, after starting things off with nerps all akimbo, Carrie spends the rest of the episode super covered up. My fav is this fit-and-flare leather peacoat ensemble she wore for a stroll with Miranda:

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This look is GORGEOUS. The coat, the gloves (chestnut brown with gold studs – very ahead of her time!), even the pigtails are working this look hard. Miranda wears a gigantic menswear jacket LIKE ALWAYS.

 

Regrettably, underneath this chic outerwear, Carrie is wearing what I first thought was a jaunty nautical stripe number…

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… but then she rolled over and revealed it to be an unholy cropped zip-up mock turtleneck. With 3/4 length sleeves. NOTHING ABOUT THAT IS OK.

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And then PANTS OFF! It’s COLUMN WRITING TIME!

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Her star-studded top is cute here but like, what’s up with the pants-off writing? Is this like her version of “putting your writing cap on” = “take your writing pants off”? Also of note: she is not yet using an Apple computer, which means that whole episode where she and Aidan have a fight because she’s an Apple and he’s a PC is totally invalid. ::shaking fist at continuity::

 

Carrie gets fully dressed later for Samantha’s visit, putting on these… grey… capri jogging pants? With plaid trim? Not sure what’s going on here, but at least she’s wearing pants.

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Carrie continues to misunderstand which sort of apparal is appropriate in which sort of occastion. The Nerps Dress is not suitable for public outings, and these pajama jeans (OK, I know those weren’t invented in 1999, but Carrie’s always been avant-garde) are NOT OK for visiting an art gallery.

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Char and Sam are like bookends in their classic sportswear. Charlotte is killing it with that multicoloured chevron skirt and burgundy tee, while Samantha’s red tee, casual scarf, and black skirt are effortlessly sexy. In the middle, Carrie looks pissed – but understandably so. She’s beginning to suspect that Big thinks of her as no more than her Secret Sex girl – the woman he sleeps with, but doesn’t introduce to his friends.

 

As evidence, she shows how her friend was too embarrassed to introduce her to his ladyfriend at the Chinese food restaurant. A return visit to said restaurant confirms her suspicions as she realizes that every other couple there is secretly embarrassed of their date: 

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“OMG my date is older than my father!”/ “OMG my date is wearing a terrible wig!”

 

“OMG my date is wearing a turtleneck and blazer combo!” / “OMG my date… wait, there’s nothing wrong with her. Carry on.”

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Also adding to Carrie’s doubts are when Big refuses to introduce her to his friend they meet on the street. But is that because he’s embarrassed to be sleeping with her, or because he’s embarrassed she’s wearing clown shoes?

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This is like… false advertising, literally. She’s all over NYC buses in the nerps dress; she shows up for their dinner date in the nerps dress; and then she starts dressing like Annie Hall crossed with Krusty the Klown? No wonder Big’s confused about her.

 

Meanwhile, Charlotte is very judgy about Carrie’s plans to sleep with Big on the first date, but should someone in a see-through cami with no bra be so judgmental?

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Or maybe Charlotte just needs to turn down the A/C in her apartment.

 

We later learn that even modest Charlotte has a secret sexual partner in her past, namely, a Hassidic Jewish painter she slept with for awhile in the not-so-distant past:

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Miranda’s plotline is about as brief and uninteresting as ever. I have to assume that to work through the tedium of her plotline (Mir meets a guy; Mir freaks out over his spanking fetish; Mir gets dumped) she decided to find the Worlds Least Flattering Pants.

Option 1: Pooch-enhancing elastic-waist tapered pants.

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The sweater tied artistically around her shoulders? Really? Her top half is at a tennis club circa 1925, while her bottom half is at the gym.

 

Option 2: Actually at the gym

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See, I’d say something about how the gym is a good place to meet guys, so you should try and dress in a flattering manner… but Mir still managed to snag a date with a guy despite a) her maternity jogging pants and b) punching him in the head by accident.

 

But then!!! IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: MIRANDA’S HAIR LOOKS KIND OF CUTE IN THIS SCENE.

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Dear Miranda: soft hair is your friend. Step away from the hair gel and the pixie cut and remember how cute you look like this. Sincerely, YKYLF

 

Samantha was a style star this week. I don’t know if that’s because her competition was so slight or because she appeared in like, two scenes, but whatevs. This black halter-neck is super flattering for her athletic shoulders and petite bustline:

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And in en episode about people spilling embarrassing sexual secrets, Samantha’s laidback statement that she isn’t embarrassed about anyone she’s slept with was refreshing.

 

Speaking of embarrassing… Carrie throws a street party to wait for her new bus ad to drive by, and her friends arrive in ferosh outerwear. Seriously: everybody came in either fur or leather.

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Luckily, PETA didn’t crash the party.

 

To Carrie’s dismay, someone’s drawn obscene graffiti on her sexy bus photo. I’m not sure what that’s supposed to indicate: that the dress was, in fact, too sexy? Or is it just a continuation of the theme that sex can be embarrassing?

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Carrie, like any reasonable person who’s just seen her oversized bus photo defaced with sexual graffiti, gets drunk on the street and staggers over to Big’s house to confront him. It turns out he isn’t embarrassed about her at all – it was just a misunderstanding!

Phew, that’s a relief. I was worried for a second that these two would have some sort of obstacles in their relationship. Surely it’s smooth sailing from now on… right?