OH MY DRAMZ, y’all. So much happened this week, I was like, “OMG What a great episode!” and then I looked at the clock and saw I was only 20 minutes in. They packed like a season’s worth of BANANACAKES into this thing.

What other show includes unexpected pregnancies, ninja fights, drug overdoses, plane explosions AND surprise back-from-the-dead mothers? NO OTHER SHOW! This is the show that TV was invented for, basically. 

 

Let’s begin with a quick game of When Did Daniel Turn Into Conrad?

Round 1: Suit Up!

Conrad’s sitting here like a boss in his gigantic, Wall Street 3: Money Still Ain’t Sleeping office. The paisley tie is slightly more interesting than his usual PLAIN RED TIE or PLAIN BLUE TIE, but still pretty bland.

 

Daniel’s modelling one of his custom-made Herve Leger bandage suits (probably ordered by Queen V, who buys this shizz in bulk). He looks much younger and hipper than Conrad, yet still with that steely-eyed Grayson business flair.

PS – did we know Daniel had this finger tattoo?

One time, he was frolicking on the beach with Emily and revealed a side-rib tattoo. Now this finger tattoo? Not very Daniel Grayson, but then again, we didn’t see him during his Serena van der Woodsen-esque lost years of alcoholism/hit-and-running. They could be a reminder of days gone by, such as, when he was dating Miley Cyrus?

 

Round 2: Casualwear

We all know that Conrad’s version of casualwear is… a suit and tie. I believe in the flashback episode, we saw him in a freshly-ironed polo shirt, but otherwise, he’s all starchy collars and well-tailored suits. His long camel coat here is, therefore, an excellent touch:

It doesn’t hurt that Lydia’s smoldering up the background in that killer red ensemble. But we’ll get to her in part 2.

 

Daniel, wallowing in his post-Emily-break-up phase, suddenly appears to be wearing one of Rufus Humphrey’s cast-off shawl-neck sweaters:

I mean, with that body and that face, he could show up in one of Dorota’s maid outfits and look dressed to kill, but seriously? You thought you could hang onto Emily dressing like this? That sweater looks neither cozy nor particularly warm, and too tight for a sweater. Maybe it’s an Herve Leger bandage sweater, borrowed from Queen V?

 

Round 3: Sad Hugs

Conrad embraces Lydia with a steely glint in his eye not once, but twice:

 This is how you do a Revenge sad hug (crossed with a bit of The Godfather style Judas kiss).

 

Daniel’s still an amateur at this move:

You’re not supposed to look like a puppy ready to run after a ball, Daniel. You’re supposed to look sad-yet-evil. Don’t worry, Emily can show you how to — oh, wait, she totally Red Sharpie’d your heart. You jerk.

 

Round 4: Whisky 

Both Grayson men drink whisky while thinking sad thoughts about their lost loves – Conrad about the two women who he TOTALLY JUST GOT BLOWN UP, Daniel about his fiance who left him after destroying his family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Yeah, I’m noticing a definite family resemblance here.

 

In much the same manner, Charlotte’s doing her best Mini-Queen-V (Princess C?) routine this week, first rocking some serious outerwear:

Love the fit-and-flare on that jacket. I mean, she’s still not up to Blair/Serena levels of uniform deconstruction, but it’s a start.

 

Her school uniform really doesn’t give her much to work with but she could have made a little effort to customize it. I mean, imagine this outfit with fishnets, or bright red tights, or thigh highs or a headband or ANYTHING.

She’s got the Queen V smirk down pat. This is the exact same face V made when she banished Lydia from the Hamptons back in the Pilot.

 

But then, unlike her mother, Charlotte begins to regret her scheming. In a touching mother/daughter moment, she asks V if she ever felt better after destroying someone’s life. “Yes,” Victoria said, without pausing. Mother of the year, everybody!

I do like the bright salmon colour of this hoodie. Against all odds, it goes really well with Char’s colouring, and complements her lipgloss:

PS – her facial expression is so very Little Women here, like, “Oh, Marmee, when shall Papa return from the war!” I think Charlotte thinks she’s tragic Beth, but she’s so Amy. Nobody forced you to wreck that ho’s life, Char.

 

She keeps with the same colour scheme later on, adding a very Queen V silk dressing gown to her salmon-coloured nightie for her suicide attempt:

Is it wrong that, looking at this picture, I’m thinking how much I like the nightie? It’s sad that Char OD’d and all, but that’s a really cute nightie. And come on, like she’s going to actually die. We’ve got enough Grayson maybe-death already – oh, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

 

Oh, Victoria had a great episode this week. I mean, yes, she may have gotten blown up on the plane, but before that? It was like one scenery-chewing scene after another. Check it:

She starts out in (what else) a vacuum-sealed black dress.

It was hard to tell, but it had some large lace cutouts along each side. The perfect thing to wear when you’re being like, “Why, yes, Conrad, I am going to sell you out to the Feds! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?”

This is the same dress she was wearing when she was all, “Daniel, did you just say Conrad must have had a reason for murdering David Clarke?” and…

OH YES, KITTENS. She smacked the shizz out of Daniel. (In other news: do we know why Daniel went from being a reluctant Grayson to full-on Connie clone? Was it doing hard time in jail? Because like, three episodes ago, he would never have said that to his Mom)

BUT I DIGRESS!

 

So, next, Victoria’s swanning around at her amazingly well-organized vanity (in what looks to be some sort of… closet/room? Is this like the grown-up version of TLG’s Sutton’s Magic Closet?).

Luurve this white-and-red cardigan.

A H-to-T shot shows that, true to form, she’s wearing a sausage casing-esque red dress.

What is with her commitment to tea-length skirts? I’d love to see her in something above the knee once in awhile… you know, if she’s… not dead, or whatever.

Anyway, this was from the scene where she was like, “Oh FYI Lydia? Conrad totally murdered David Clarke. You knew that, right?” You guys, Lyds and V better not be dead because it’s way too much fun watching V play with Lydia like a cat with a mouse. “Dance, puppet, dance!”

 

And now, to answer that FAQ: What to wear when flying off to testify against your husband? Victoria answers: white tea-length bandage dress!

We at YKYLF may snark on Victoria’s addiction to bandage dresses, but with assets like those, who can blame her?

The white colour combines a kind of innocent thing with a kind of ice-queen thing, and her layered necklaces play to both sides of this look:

Love the cap sleeves, too. It makes this one more age-appropriate than some of her strappier numbers from earlier in the season.

Conrad tries to stop her from going to Washington (to save himself? Or because he knows she’s going to get blown up?) and Victoria let’s him have it! She’s all:

And then she’s like:

 

 

And then she heads off to the airport for the SLOWEST BOARDING OF ALL TIME. As I noted in the mini recap, if you arrive at the airport and Florence & The Machine is blasting and everybody’s moving in slo-mo… rethink your flight plans. Seriously. Catch the next flight.

Love Victoria’s innocent/ice-queen white coat and gloves, here. That coat is stunning.

I also love the wind machine that blows as she exits her limo. Who does she think she is, Beyonce?

 

 

But wait, who’s that airplane mechanic? Why are they showing him so much?

Why is he taking off his hat — WHITE HAIRED MAN!!! WHITE HAIRED AIRPLANE MECHANIC!!!

To be continued…