And now, for the star of tonight’s show, Emily “Amanda Clarke” Thorne.

Seriously, girlfriend was in like, every scene. Not since Aria wore half leopard/half black leggings and a spiked shoulder dress have I given one character their own recap. But unlike Aria, Emily spent the episode dressed IMPECCABLY.

She started off with this GORGEOTRONS cable-knit fisherman’s sweater. As both a nautical clothing junkie AND a lapsed knitter, I want this sweater more than any other article of clothing worn all episode.

 

To visit Nolan, she keeps this sweater but tosses on a pair of sunnies and the episode’s cutest peacoat (and, as you’ve seen, there was quite a bit of competition in the Peacoat Division):

This pic makes me think of David Caruso on CSI: Miami, like Em’s about to whip off the shades and be like, “I will catch the man who did this to you, Nolan.” (SPOILER: she totally does.) (Not in those exact words)

Here’s the full ensemble, which includes perfectly tailored dark wash skinnies and fierce stiletto knee-high boots.

 

Once she finds out that WHM’s got Nolan, she changes into more practical attire and hits the road, David Caruso Style:

“I swear to God, Nolan,” ::whips off sunglasses:: “I will find the man who did this to you and bring him to justice.” 

I love how she and WHM are super polite to one another, like, “Please, take this chloroform and knock yourself out.” “I would be glad to.”

I got this shot of the chloroform bottle because it’s the only time we can see a bit of detail on her hooded sweater. It’s cozy blue wool – similar to Jack’s sweater (SOULMATES!)

 

While passed out, she has a memory from her childhood, which means we get to hang out with L’il Amanda for a bit.

So cute! I esp. like how they’ve curled her hair in the same way that modern-day Emily’s hair curls. How could Jack possibly think that Fake!Amanda, with her bushy mane, could be the grown-up version of this sweet girl with the gentle waves? JACK & EMILY 4-EVA!

 

Ahem. So, as we all know, Emily is always prepared for every situation. Handcuffed in WHM’s lair? No worries, she’s got a lockpick hidden in the drawstring of her hooded sweater, and she’ll just pull it out with her mouth and free herself (and Nolan).

As you do.

Ems has time for a quick Revenge over-the-shoulder hug with Nolan before getting down to business.

See how she’s actually almost smiling here? Totally unlike the steely face she gets when she’s hugging Daniel, or anyone else. She may pretend to be tough as nails, but Nolan is her for-reals BFF.

 

So, then she hangs out, waiting for WHM to return. Why?

She has something to axe him.

HAHAHAHAHA. Sorry. I came up with that joke as soon as I saw her sitting there with the GIGANTIC AXE. Seriously, that is the axe equivalent of Thor’s hammer. And I have no doubt that Emily knows how to handle it.

On a fashion note, see how she’s changed into her ninja gear? The v-neck long-sleeve tee shows that even ninjas have style, while she’s got practical flat boots and pants with lots of stretch. Trust me, these will come in handy RIGHT AWAY!

 

WHM comes back and they have a fairly epic fight (as you might expect from a Ninja Assassin facing off with a Yoga Teacher/Circus Performer).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BUT THEN!

 

 

She has a sudden image of her father, telling her basically that she’s a big gooey marshmallow who loves everyone and everything, and she should never change.

So… she lets him go, and runs off to tell Jack she loves him. Effectively. OK, first she has to break up with Mini Conrad Daniel. And to hang out with Nolan in yet another cozy white sweater.

I like how the button detailing on the shoulder makes it look kinda like a holster. Appropriate for Emily, no?

If your heart didn’t break a little seeing how happy she was to go and (she thought) finally hook up with Jack, then YOU HAVE NO HEART.

 

Look how excited she is to see him here. I don’t know if it was on purpose, but she’s dressed just like he was earlier – cozy sweater, peacoat.

I have to add that I loved the moment when Jack was like, “What happened to you?” and she was like, “You should see the other guy.” Jack thought she was kidding, but honestly? WHM is worse off, facial wounds-wise, than Ems.

For the record, Emily totally won that fight. OBVIOUSLY.

 

What do you do when your heart is broken and your revengenda totally falls apart? Change into yet another cozy white sweater, if your name is Emily Thorne.

Oh, and stare sadly at your Infinity Box in front of the fireplace. But wait… didn’t she bury the Infinity Box in the beach the night of Tyler’s shooting? Or is this Infinity Box 2.0? Who can keep track?

 In any case, we are reminded again of Emily’s true inner state:

 

But then!! Nolan arrives with YET ANOTHER secret video, this time showing that Conrad, Queen V and WHM all know that her mother is TOTALLY ALIVE. What?

 

What does that even mean? Who knows! It’s impossible to predict what madcap insanity is going to happen on this show next. We’re left with about 1,000 unanswered questions taking us into Season 2, and I cannot WAIT to get even 1 or 2 of the answers.

We started recapping this show, not sure where it would take us, but quickly realized what a gem of a show we’ve got on our hands. The fashion is FEROSH, the acting is fantastic, the storylines are COMPLETELY DEMENTED, and I’m so happy to have been able to share this wacktastic season with all of y’alls.

See you in the Hamptons in the fall, everybody!