So, who is this White Haired Man, a.k.a. WHM? We know that a) he’s very scary, b) he killed Emily’s father, and c) is part of some sort of vast conspiracy.

Americon Industries? Golf claps for the subtlety, writers.

 

Whoever he is, one thing we know about WHM is that he’s SUPER KICK-ASS. His outfit is pretty nondescript, which is sort of the point, no? He doesn’t want anyone to remember seeing him, what with the assassinations, etc.

When people ask if he had a distinguishing feature, they won’t have anything to say! He just blends right into the background… apart from the WHITE HAIR. Which is why he sometimes wears a hat – for realsies, I didn’t recognize him in his Airport Worker Guy outfit until he dramatically removed his hat.

 

He’s the first opponent truly worthy of going up against Emily (other than Revenge[!!!] Sensei, obvs). It takes him 0.00005 seconds to notice that she’s bugged the hell out of Grayson Industries.

Who watches the watcher? WHM!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: I did a little googling of the guy who plays WHM and learned two extremely interesting things. 1) He is a yoga instructor, which is terrifying and exciting, because I like to think he secretly teaches assassin moves in his yoga class! and 2) he used to perform in something called Satan’s Wild Animal Circus of Agony. I couldn’t not tell you guys this info, because, OBVIOUSLY.]

 

Anywhoodle, it turns out that WHM killed David Clarke, kidnapped Nolan AND, worst of all, HE TOTALLY STOLE THE RED SHARPIE OF DOOM!!

 

He’s undoubtedly using his yoga/circus of agony skillz on Nolan in this image:

Poor Nolan, FOR SERIOUS. How many times has he been attacked/ stabbed/ shot/ kidnapped/ tortured so far this season? I hope he gets some serious counselling for PTSD over the summer hiatus.

 

You know that old advice, to always wear good underwear in case you get hit by a car, or whatever? Nolan’s interpretation of this seems to be to always wear clown socks, because you never know:

Seriously. Check out his Wicked Witch of the East socks and clown shoes. I bet that’s how he kept his spirits up during captivity, just looking down at his feet would cheer him up.

 

Proof that he’s Emily’s BFF and best soldier? After she frees him, he only stops to throw on a coat before heading out to do her bidding.

OK, it’s a jaunty nautical peacoat, and it looks like he also put on a few checkered, collared shirts. But proof he went directly from WHM’s prison to here? Same shoes.

EPIC SHOES.

These shoes caused YKYLF staffer L-A to gasp aloud at her TV, “Sweet shoes, Nolan!” And, I would like to mention, he’s still wearing the candycane socks. Love. Him.

 

Post-kidnapping, he’s back to his usual steez in these RED PANTS:

Those pants were made to STRUT, and that’s just what’s he’s’a’gonna do.

The rest of this ensemble includes, but is not limited to, a navy blazer with white piping; argyle sweater vest, blue patterned shirt (collar down- no time for shenanigans), aaaand red pocket square.

Is he matching the red accents to the red welts on his face? I wouldn’t put it past him. This man is the definition of a nattily dressed gentleman.

 

 

Also looking ‘licious this week was the always flawless Lydia. You saw her prowling around with Conrad in part 1 of this recap. Here’s the sexy back of that red show-stopper:

Know how I know she’s perf for Connie? Like him, her definition of casualwear is identical to that of formalwear. Have we ever seen her in anything less than a cocktail dress? Even when she was convalescing from that whole falling-on-a-taxi thing, she was always dressed to the nines.

 

She almost totally takes the trophy for best-dressed in this BEYOND AMAZATRONS emerald green drapey number: 

The neckline? The latticework belt? I die. I DIE.

Here’s the back:

Full-length view:

 

And here she is, giving a perfect demonstration of the trademark Revenge (!!!) sad/mad over-the-shoulder hug:

RIP, Lyds. Much as I love her (and her fashion!), I really can’t see that she’ll be coming back for Season 2. She used up most of her nine lives surviving falling out of that window (unscathed, naturally). I mean, OK, the news reporter only said that “the flight manifest included Victoria Grayson,” which means they didn’t find any bodies yet.

But if one fancy lady is coming back from the dead, my money’s on Queen V, not Princess L.

 

 

Speaking of Best Frenemies, remember when Emily and Ashley used to not hate each other? When did that friendship break down? Was it just because they both finally realized they were both fake and didn’t actually care about anything other than forwarding their own Revengendas (Ashley’s – to become rich; Emily’s – to avenge her father)?

In any case, Ashley gets an ultra-rare allllmost full body shot in this episode. Juuuust enough screentime to make me want her olive green dress SO BAD:

Complicating our issues with seeing her entire outfit is how Ashley tends to wear her hair down, covering most of the front of her dresses. This one has a really neat, geometrical neckline, but you’d never know because her gorgeous hair is covering it up.

Still, this dress + what looks like a skinny leopard print belt? KILLING IT.

 

Ash goes to visit Daniel later on, and gets the usual “blink and you’ll miss it” screentime. However, this plum colour looks fabulous on her, and I’m intrigued by the beaded detailing on her quilted jacket:

She then joins Daniel for an evil sip of Grayson whisky. This scene was very mysterious to me – it could be seen as the two of them flirting towards an eventual hook-up OR (my theory) Ash is secretly Conrad’s love child! And she’s Daniel’s half-sister!

Seriously, could anyone but a Grayson sip whisky in this sort of evil manner?

Oh, and her turquoise manicure? KILLING. IT.

 

Emily’s other fake BFF makes a surprise appearance back in town. In true soap operatical fashion, Fake!Amanda is obviously pregs.

Love this shot. Jack’s expression is totally, “OMFG What have I done??” while Fake!Amanda’s all “JACK PORTER, YOU *ARE* THE FATHER!”

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!

 

But seriously, does anybody really think that this show – of all shows – would make the plotline as simple as Fake!Amanda being knocked up with her BF’s baby? This is a woman who spent the past 6 months with REVENGE (!!!) SENSEI. She’s either pregnant with Sensei’s Baby, or some other random, or just a pillow (and Jack’s too trusting to ever check under her fug, tie-dye tee to make sure).

Although, it will be interesting to see how Fake!Amanda’s planning to dress now that it’s winter and she’s pregnant. Don’t tell me she’ll be running around in cutoffs and Jack’s old shirts anymore BECAUSE I CAN’T HANDLE THAT AGAIN.

 

Oh, and Jack had some sort of plotline I don’t really remember, about giving back a million-dollar check to Daniel. I have no memory of Daniel giving Jack this check. Was it to get him to stay away from Emily? No idea.

Jack, like every other person on this show, dresses in a navy peacoat. Whoever runs the Hamptons Peacoat Shoppe is making out like a bandit this winter, for reals.

 

However, in the battle of Emily’s kind-of BFs and their winterwear, Jack’s cozy blue sweater is way better than Daniel’s oatmeal shawl-collar. 


Why? Because Jack understands sweaters aren’t supposed to be worn skin-tight. Also, Emily was running around this episode in a variety of loose-fitting sweaters so he MATCHES HER which means they’re SOULMATES and I have no idea when I turned into such a Jack/Emily ‘shipper, but apparently I am now.

And not just because Nolan’s the President of the JEm fanclub.

 

Another couple ripped apart by manipulations is Eric Not Der Woodsen and Vanessa Notbrams here.

Again with the boring, unaccessorized uniforms. I know you’re busy studying or whatever, but everybody’s got time for style. STEP IT UP, TEENS.

 

Wearing another one of Nolan’s hand-me-down bomber jackets doesn’t count as stepping it up, Declan.

But nice try, marblemouth.