This week, the most expressive faces in the best decorated apartment ever teach each other a Very Special Lesson about casual sex. Chloe encourages June to hook up with a hot customer, while June’s influence rubs off on Chloe, who comes to see that sex sometimes involves feelings. Lest you think it was a serious episode at all, the main plot is that June accidentally sells Chloe & The Beek’s sex tape to her Korean minister, who uses the money to pimp out her office with, among other things, a rotisserie grill.

 

June starts the episode in her spring cleaning outfit, including a pair of rubber gloves that surely came from the same store at her pink bathrobe:

Even in the midst of this horrendous cleaning ensemble, she manages to have perfect waves. Did she do that flat iron hair curling trick from Pinterest?

And FYI – June’s Mom is wearing the same gloves, do-rag, and chambray shirt:

 

We learn about June’s secret crush on a customer she knows only as Soy Latte Guy – a hottie with the tendency to buy shirts that are a bit too short in the torso.

Personally, I’m not much for men’s lower torsos, but clearly, this is June’s thing.

 

Only June would make sure to have perfect hair, perfect makeup, and a perfectly folded bath pillow to play her lady harp (tm Chloe).

 

Chloe plays fairy godmother, encouraging June to hit up Soy Latte Guy for some casual sex. June’s not sure if she’s got it in her… until he shows up in another too-short tee and she’s overcome with lust at his exposed lower abdominals:

Really? Lower abdominals, June?

 

She’s going to change for her booty call later that night, but Chloe insists that June wear the same thing she wore all day – to ensure this will be casual casual sex. Luckily, June was already wearing this adorableness:

The lace trim bumps this striped cardigan up from adorbs to full-on ADORBSALICIOUS. The lace trim on the cami is perhaps a little matchy-matchy, but June is nothing if not perfectly coordinated at all times. What outerwear does one wear with this weet outfit? Oh, only THE CUTEST COAT OF ALL TIME EVER:

The sunshiney colour! The way it flares out at the waist! The slight padding in the shoulders! BEST. EVER. If I owned this coat? I would wear it every day, even in the summer.

 

Post-successful-casual-sex, June rocks the morning after with this cute (if bland) button-up and a bouncy ponytail:

Seriously, what is the secret to her amazing hair? How is it always so perfectly curled? Does she wake up 5 hours early to get this look? (You know what, she actually might. Girlfriend is nothing if not organized)

 

She sticks to the same colour palette with this burgundy cardigan and floral cardi for her second “date” with Soy Latte Guy:

Unfortch, all this cuteness is wasted as it turns out that he only texted her for comfort, since his parrot has run (flown?) away.

However, can we pause for a moment to appreciate June and Chloe’s decor?

ZOMG. The colourful handbags on hooks just inside the door? The wall sticker? The mismatched lampshade? The gigantic pop art? Apartment 23 is officially my dream home, and not just so I can borrow Chloe’s bathrobes.

 

Speaking of Chloe’s bathrobes!

Love this art deco print. I also love her collection of martini shakers. Do they need a third roommate?

 

Chloe’s channeling a full-on Holly Golightly look as she cheerily announces her trip to Paris. The red body-con dress? The black opera gloves? The leopard print hat box?

Love the neckline on this, too. Queen V from Revenge (!!!) could learn a thing or two from Chloe as to the proper deployment of a skintight dress.

 

Chloe always knows how to make a grand entrance (and exit). Here she is upon her return from Versailles:

“Bonjour! It is moi, the best roommate/con artist/bestie to ever appear on network TV!”

The fascinator? J’adore.

 

Despite having outfits fit to entertain heads of state, Chloe also has some frugal habits – such as using a clothes iron, rather than a flat iron, to do her hair:

I can’t decide if this is a regular habit of hers, or if she had a sudden post-sex realization that clothes irons can work on hair. Although, we learned this week that post-sex, Chloe makes intelligent realizations (“Lost was in Purgatory!”), not this sort of cray-cray DIY.

 

Though you can’t argue with the results: girl’s hair looks cute.

Her teal-on-teal printed dress is fine – not quite up to the standards of the b**** who started the episode in opera gloves, however. Her coat is also meh – but don’t despair! Chloe’s about to knock it out of the part in 3… 2… 1…

 

BAM! Blue leopard print coat!

Nobody else could pull this off like her. I also admire her dedication to the look – she couldn’t help but shoplift a matching travel mug from June’s coffeeshop.

 

And now, it’s time to meet Chloe: Bond Villain.

And can we take another moment to appreciate the decor? I know this isn’t You Know You Love Home Decorating, but… seriously. I suspect she had this nook designed specifically so she could sit here for moments like this.

And check out her ensemble:

Yet another oh-so-snug minidress, this time in a blue jewel tone. Those shoes are also super ferosh – she must be like 10 feet tall with those on.

 

Her final look is a bit too Samantha Jones for my liking, but the earrings add a touch of hipster whimsy:

And it’s a nice shade of purple? I guess? I’m just not a fan of gigantic shoulderpads.

 

And now on to the man candy. JVDB stole the show, as per usual, this time as we learned about his secret mentor – June’s Mom!

 

Interestingly, June’s boytoy also wore an unbuttoned henley this week:

Too bad about the whole “codependent relationship with his dead grandfather’s parrot” thing.

 

The Beek stepped it up for his walking lunch with Chloe in this twist on a three-piece suit. Somehow, he manages to pull off a vest without looking too Schue-y.

As others have said before me, I’m totally Pacey all the way, but The Beek has 100% won me over with his performance on this show. It’s like, once he cut off all that floppy bleached Dawson hair, the awesome was unleashed!

 

And OK, we’ve been starved for gratuitous male shirtlessness what with Pretty Little Liars AND The Lying Game both on hiatus, so here are some pics of Soy Latte Guy in all his glory.

Arms:

 

Pecs:

 

The full torso:


… and OK, for June, here’s the lower abdominal region:

 

You’re welcome.

(PS – did you borrow that headband from the GG minion you played? Because that really isn’t going to help you find future casual sex partners. xo YKYLF)