Oh the what that went down in 2002. Trash talkin’, Declan accented, bar fightin’, juvie alum Amanda is just a party and a tattoo away from beginning on the path of ABR (Always Be Revenging). But before we could meet her a classy lady (or femme fatale?) Emily, this is how she spent her evenings:

Ass grabbing dates and fish net stockings.

The sheer back is a far cry from her classy dresses that send us into a tizzy. I don’t remember outfits like Emily’s back in the day.

 

But this guy? Yeah. That happened.

Totally a night at the Roxbury.

What is love. Baby don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him, no more.

Or hit him with a toilet seat. Whatevs.

 

You know she was tough because she was all about the heavy makeup and the leather back then.

 

Then again, it seems everyone was into the leather back then. It’s all Nolan wore. And brace yourselves: 2002 Nolan is not the Nolan we know now.

The slick hair? No colour? Nary a popped collar in sight? I spy the polo, but he hasn’t figured out he needs to pop it like its hot yet.

 

Even when he changes the jacket, he barely shakes it up by switching the style of leather.

Fur lined, puffy winter leather.

 

A slightly slicker brown leather.

I think my vote is on biker jacket Nolan. I’d like to see more of that. A different shirt from the black polo and he could have been rocker Nolan.

 

On her visit back to the Hamptons to read through the journals and spy on the Graysons, Amanda is pretty much all leather jacket all the time as she orders vodka and tonic, hold the tonic.

 

The scarf is really the only way she changes it up. And not unlike 2012, Sammy is the only one who recognizes her.

 

That’s okay, because I’m surprised anyone could recognize Jack back then with his horrible Dan Humphrey-esque hair.

Holy Eddie Vedder Batman! It really is best to leave that look to the grunge rock gods.

 

Actually, the bad hair is kind of multifaceted. One minute it’s Eddie Vedderiffic, the next it’s extra on Freaks and Geeks.

 

Regardless of the look, there is one thing I think we can all agree on: that is some mothereffing bad hair.

That’s the kind of hair that gives hairdressers and barbers everywhere bad dreams. I love me a good flashback, but I hope we don’t have to suffer through that hair again.

 

We need something to take our minds off of it. How about some Li’l Declan??

Awwww….adorbs! And still dressing like American Apparel is the only store on earth. Some things never change. (Although…how old is he here? Charlotte isn’t born yet and they’re in high school together…what?).

 

Fortunately for all of us, the puffy vest trends of the mid-to-late 90s and I guess early 2000s (some dads take a few years to catch the trend) has fallen by the wayside.

Oh poor Mr. Porter. We hardly knew ye or the reason you moved your kids into an apartment above a bar. We certainly didn’t know Nolan had bought your land to build his gigantico mansion. 

 

The other thing we didn’t know about before this flashback? Jack totes had a girlfriend. She seemed all normal and well-adjusted. Boring. But well-adjusted.

 

Of course, that’s until she went macking on Nolan because she and Jack want different things.

Lady, for someone with wordly dreams, that top does not scream “I want to get out of Montauk.”

 

Now, before Emily came to town all mysterious like, there was a time when the rich and famous avoided mingling with the riff raff. Queen V must long for those days. Although, she probably doesn’t long for her dependence on a hair straightener.

Far too Cher-esque and not nearly as nice as her soft curls these days. Besides, it’s easier to convince people you’re not totally evil when your hair is pretty (pro-tip from the Hamptons).

 

But it would appear 2002 was a time of harsh hair and lots of animal skins. In addition to all the leather we’ve already seen, Lyds was totally rocking the fur and a really tight hairdo.

 

I think Victoria was trying to soften her look with her outfits instead of with her hair. Which is maybe why she chose this cream coloured blouse of questionable fabric.

So. Un. Victoria.

I know Vic. I know. That blouse is cray. I bet you burned all evidence of it. Although it didn’t look too horrible when worn with a coat.

Not as awesome as her 2012 winter collection, but less awful than when it’s on it’s own.

 

Two men time forgot are Conrad and Frank. Their style didn’t really change too much.

Well, maybe the ties got better. But that’s about it. I’m a wee bit disappointed he didn’t play up the era and do the tone on tone tie/shirt combo that Regis made so popular. Dudes were still doing that in 2002, weren’t they?

 

And I will give him minor snaps for dropping the polo + blazer combo in favour of today’s oxford shirt + blazer as casual wear.

That polo does him no favours.

 

It’s funny, 2002 Frank had better ties than Conrad.

Oh Frank. Poor schemey Frank. I wish there was a way you weren’t really dead, because I sort of miss you. Even if you did wear the same outfit for this entire episode.

Because only you would kill a man in his boss’ pool house tub and make it look like a suicide. Tyler wishes he was half as devious as you back when he was still alive.

 

And because flashbacks have flashbacks (you see! Inception!), we get to see Victoria’s white silk dress of treachery again.

I can’t tell why she’s so sad. Because she’s about to send her lover up the river, because his daughter caught her or because she wore that dress in the rain. Either way…

 

But those sads aren’t going to get you far with Emily. Because while she may be rocking the bangs and wearing plain t-shirts from the Gap in public…

 

She’s just one tattoo away from bringing all y’all down.

Let the Revenging (!!!) begin!