Things this episode was big on? Hair (Dan), schemes, misunderstandings and soapiness. All the things we love about GG (well, minus Dan’s hair). Totally Not Dead Bart was hit by a car, but he was in hiding from an evil blackmailer. Even though his TOTALLY NOT DEAD father was a total d-bag his entire life, Chuck is determined to save his life (anyone else looking forward to the reunion with Lily?) and recruits Blair to help. Blair’s solution? Entrap the evil blackmailer with Lola and Chivy pretending to be twin prostitutes. Meanwhile, Nate almost blows the whole scheme because his knickers are in a twist about Diana/India and her lies. He really needs to learn to trust Chuck and his plans. Dan wants Blair to go to Rome with him, but still has some serious trust issues to work through. And Serena, bless her heart, is Blair’s best friend and worst enemy: she helps secure Dan’s spot in Rome by pretending to be B, but is going to cause some heartbreak because she’s leaked B’s diary to GG.

 

In an ominous looking country manor, all is revealed to us about the mysterious not actually a death of Bart Bass.

 

If you were going to have a prostitute party and then reveal Secrets to you son, this really is the place to do it. A hotel room wouldn’t do at all. Mostly because not enough hotels, especially not the ones you own, have majestic looking wood pannelling and a good tea service.

Of course, for the revealing of Secrets, it’s best to dress in smart, somber business attire – like Bart’s conservative grey suit. Nothing too flashy for the first time you chill out with you son since you totally didn’t die (I know. This newly alive Bart is still a miracle to me).

 

When learning the goods on how your dad faked his death, It’s best to go with a pinstriped three piece suit. Don’t get too flashy with your colours either.

 

You know, stick to your signature purple for shirt, tie and pocket square. Let the patterns do the talking for you.

Mostly because you’ll probably spend most of your day dumbfounded that your dad is totally not dead.

 

For the fellows who are double crossing you/just messing things up because that’s what they do best, colour coordinating your shirt and tie is the way to roll. However, here’s some how-tos:

Don’t make like the PI and match your tie to your shirt. At least not that close in colour.

 

Instead, make like Nate and get into the some colour family, but without geting all matchy.

Nate may have smoked too much for his developing mind, but he does eventually get what’s going to happen and works with the plot.

 

For those ladies in the know, saving Bart isn’t about being conservative: it’s about colour and lots of it.

The bright green sheath is fantastic on our Bart-saving Madame. And the detailing is a nice touch. A bit of a departure from her usual just skin tight dress.

 

A yellow coat is also the way to go, especially when you pair it with a bright, autumnal print dress and some giant pearls. It says, “I’m schemey AND fun!”. It’ll look trop classy as you show some girls how to entrap a man with nothing but your feminine wiles.

 

Well, that and some slinky negligees.

And a pair of handcuffs.

Oh that B Waldorf! She really is all class.

 

For the ladies who play the part of prostitutes in schemes? Well, that calls for a completely different kind of outfit.

Not the best ever, but I do love those boots. For a poor girl from Florida, Lola must be learning to work with her newly acquired trust fund. Now if only she’d use it to buy more than jeans and a dozen or so new jackets and coats like her half-sister Serena.

 

The pinch hitter for the role of fake twin doesn’t much look like Lola, but she’s looking pretty good with the white leather and sparkles. Looking like a million bucks that you don’t have any more.

 

When trying to convince a man he’s with twins and you don’t really look like your fake twin at all, it’s important to dress the same. That’s how he knows you’re twins.

And if you wear the same dress in different colours? Well, he’ll think you really are identical and that he needs different dresses to tell you apart. Genius plan! What could possibly go wrong? Other than almost everything since the PI is a double agent.

 

Interestingly enough, for an episode where no one bothered to do much in the way of outfit changes, I really have to hand it to Chuck and Totally Not Dead Bart: they swapped up their suits just in time for eposing the PI to the police (who happen to be hiding in the next room).

For Bart, the outfit change must be the sensible suit. Nothing too flashy. Probably because he still has to hide from the evil blackmailer.

 

For Chuck, a job well done means a brighter shade of pocket square.

I love his constant use of the pocket square. I hope it’s making the whole pocket square a think among young men these days. His dad must be so proud of his sense of style as well as his ability to jail break him from a restaurant. Proud enough to go for the super awkward hug.

 

But through it all, I must say I do miss Young, Flamboyant Chuck.

His patterns always put folks to shame. As did his wild antics. I know Totally Not Dead Bart frowned upon Li’l Chuck’s antics, but Chuck was so much more fun back then.

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