This week in apartment 23, Kiernan Shipka (Sally Draper from Mad Men) guest stars as James VD Beek’s new costar, June overloads herself with too much work and Chloe takes in a foster child. Confused? No worries. By the end of the episode, we will have learned some very valuable lessons: (1) body-swapping movies with fathers and daughters will never be okay, (2) foreign dignitaries rely on jobless floozies for a night on the town and (3) tricking your roommate into becoming a lesbian foster parent is not only easy but the easiest way to get a personal assistant. Oh June, will you ever learn? Children may grow up but b****es will always be b****es.

June wakes up–perky and happy for her internship interview–in a cute pink robe and perfect side ponytail ringlets. If anyone knows how to really look this cute/perfect in the morning, message me ASAP. Because waking up looking like this must be nice:

 

Scratch that. Looking like THIS must be nice:

Chloe saunters into the kitchen in a long, sheer feather boa robe looking like she just got done rocking some guy’s world in her bedroom.

Seriously, look at her, breezing past Chloe like “b****, please.” If it didn’t look so fantastically slutty, I’d be ordering one myself on Amazon.

Looking like a brothel owner may get you Likes on Facebook but none of those upvotes will be coming from June. June learns in a short period of time that Chloe kills plants, goldfish and possibly the diabetic elderly tenant from downstairs. Here she is, rocking a green leather jacket and buying a plant just to get some digits from a guy:

It’s obvious why June is standing behind her looking so fantastically mediocre in pink. Because seriously. B****, please.

 

Despite her moral imbalance, she is able to snag a job as a “nightlife guide” for UN dignitaries when the UN is in session. Isn’t there some sort of test you need to pass or degree you have to have to even get a job like this? Or is “nightlife guide” a euphemism for working girl, which is a euphenism for call girl, which is a euphemism for…?

“Who? Me?”

Come on, we were ALL thinking it!

 

June excels at her internship both in work ethic and fashion choices. For all those in the professional world, June gives us a little lesson on how to dress work appropriate with a dash of something extra:

A gray skirt suit with a pop of orange.

 

A black skirt suit with high-heeled loafers.

And my absolute favorite, a gray tweed safari-style skirt suit with a mustard camisole underneath.

So so many skirt suits. Though I guess I can be thankful they’re not pantsuits.

Chloe meets up with our favorite teen star, James Van Der Beek, in this ridiculously amazing red coat:

This coat is beautiful. From the ombre style stitching at the hem and shoulders to the a-line shape to the black fur lapel. If I owned a coat like this, I would wear it everyday. And I live in California.

 

Chloe manages to always add outrageous earrings to every outfit, even with this coat, which doesn’t need any help:

June, overwhelmed with her new internship and her new duties at the coffee shop, comes home to a new foster child/Chloe’s new personal assistant.

Yeah, you heard me. Chloe signs up for a foster child so she can hire her as a personal assistant. How is Chloe still endearing after killing plants, killing goldfish, killing elderly people and taking advantage of disadvantaged children? She is a horrible person.

But she just can’t be. Look at how adorbz she is:

Another pair of outrageous earrings. And they’re blue glittery stars! Love! Kind of iffy on the turtleneck dress though. It’s pointy in weird places and the turtleneck actually makes her neck look longer. Isn’t it supposed to do the opposite?

Meanwhile, back at The Creek, JVDB signs up for a Father-Daughter-Body-Swapping movie with Kiernan Shipka (Sally Draper from Mad Men) just so he could work with Kiernan Shipka. I mean, I don’t blame him. This is mothereffing SALLY DRAPER, people!

She does a good job of looking young, sweet and sophisticated in her print dress and orange cardigan. But not gonna lie, I did expect a lot more from Don Draper’s daughter.

“Oh, your show didn’t win an Emmy?”

Ugh. Still love her.

 

James looks pretty great too in a simple white v-neck and black vest.

Look, I have ALWAYS been Team Pacey. But seeing James with those biceps… I’m just so confused now.

 

Chloe leaves her new foster child at home alone and calls June from a green-screened Seattle, where she is entertaining another UN dignitary. She looks pretty Seattle-ready with her shiny black trenchcoat and metallic crossbody.

 

Soon she arrives home in yet another amazing coat. Look at that corset back and that red lace print!

Oh, did I say she came back from Seattle? Obviously, I meant Vegas.

This leather dress with black panels is so sexy and so hot that she MUST just be showing dignitaries a clean, fun time… right?

 

June manages to hold in her anger and still look cute in this super boring lavender button down.

But her smile quickly disappears when Chloe tells her that the foster child belongs to both of them. Chloe tricked her into thinking that the person touring their apartment earlier was an apartment design blogger NOT a social worker. Which has to be against some law somewhere.

 

When June unknowingly dresses like a lesbian foster parent, she clearly steps it up. Love this peter pan knit!

 

After being fired from her internship for being the “attentive” parent, June has a complete meltdown and “shakes her baby” at the coffee shop. After that, she is deemed unsuitable as a foster parent. Really?? She looks fine to me.

 

And just like every episode, June forgives Chloe, even if she did kill a couple things/people, break a couple laws/ethical codes and was just really, really, selfish.

 

Let’s look at the final scores:

June’s skirt suits: Too many.

Chloe’s outrageous earrings: Not enough.

Dawson Leary and Sally Draper in a film about switching bodies: Just right.

 

So, Chloe continues her lovable b****y streak, June remains the uptight but relatable small town girl and James Van Der Beek playing James Van Der Beek still hasn’t gotten old. Good signs for a new show. All’s I say is, keep the guest stars coming! ‘Cause I mean, if we got Sally Draper this week… could we get Joey Potter next week?