Children, children, everywhere! Not only is Cece possibly pregnant with Schmidt’s baby, but Jess is asked to babysit Russell’s daughter, Winston is forced to babysit his boss and Nick unknowingly babysits his date. Pregnancy scares, angry ex-wives and teens in love… add some mystery texts and murder and I’d think I was watching Pretty Little Liars. Way too much drama and not nearly as many Jess costume changes.

 

Jess and Cece contemplate what a “Schmidt Baby” would be like. Though they could probably just go to the mall and use one of those Baby Boom photo booths that morph faces together.

Jess looks great in her colorblock outfit, which we will see in more detail later. Cece is wearing black again, which makes absolutely no difference. Girlfriend could make a garbage bag look hot. Even preggers.

 

Speaking of hot, let’s take a closer look at Jess’s outfit:

Dark purple-y blue cardi with a high neck cerulean skater dress! Love the black bow belt as well. Unfortunately, this is the only Jess outfit of the entire episode. Yeah, you heard me — no quirky pajamas on deck!

 

She does do her nails in a great metallic silver though, adding a pop to her already cutesy outfit:

 

Darn, already done with Jess and only a hundred words in. But no worries, Jess meets The Ex-Wife, Ouli (Barb from Big Love), who is dressed pretty appropriately for a mother of a pre-teen.

Striped top, black blazer and some gold accessories. Not in love but I am feeling pretty generous considering the lack of fashion in this episode.

 

Sarah, Russell’s daughter, dresses appropriately for a pre-teen as well.

That is, if she’s an Aria-from-Pretty Little Liars-in-training.  With those patterned tights and an abundance of black, it kind of feels like she is.

OMG, could she be the real “A”???

 

No, wait. I just realized these are corduroy overalls. She is wearing corduroy overalls over tights and a peter pan collar. What a mess. “A” would never wear that.

Yeah. Definitely an Aria-in-training.

 

Schmidt asks Cece out, but Cece declines in a blush blazer, pink camisole and black pumps. Pretty mediocre outfit. But remember, garbage bag. 

Also, why does Jess only have one outfit while Cece gets to have two? This show isn’t called New Girl’s Ethnic Best Friend. Also, isn’t it the same day?

 

Sarah begins asking Jess questions about sex, ultimately admitting that she is so in love with Nick that she might die.

 

Wait, what?

 

Yeah, we don’t get it either, Jess. Because this entire episode, we are concerned with neither Cece’s pregnancy nor Jess’s dealings with Sarah. No, siree! We are concerned with HOW NICK IS SCORING WITH ALL THESE HOT GIRLS.

Seriously. This girl is way too cute for him. A little “if-a-fish-had-sex-with-Julia-Roberts” looking, but still cute.

 

Though not sure how I feel about the half-popped collar on her boyfriend plaid shirt. Yeah, it doesn’t look an accident ’cause the left collar’s still popped, hours later:

Kids these days. Too lazy to even fully pop a collar.

Oh and not only is she way too cute for him, she is way too young. They discover that she is actually eighteen and that she even rode the same school bus as Sarah. 

And I just IMDB’d her and she was born in 1991. 

Seriously. Kids these days.

 

Sarah locks herself in Nick’s room to roll around in his dirty clothes (???) while Jess and Cece try to get her out. What is it, National Colorblock Day? Love how they look next to each other.

 

Ouli arrives and we get to see her full outfit accessorized with a tan bow carryall.

 

Unfortunately, she arrives to this:

Nick is really struggling with that bra. No wonder he’s such a ladies man.

 

With the absence of Jess fashion, we had to turn to the show’s minor characters. For next week, we’re not only hoping for some more quirk but also some more answers. Are Jess and Russell going to last? Now that Cece isn’t preggs, are she and Schmidt ever going to get serious? And were Nick and Jess just a tease, or is that ever going to come to the surface? Because, seriously, seeing Nick with more cute college girls ain’t gonna cut it no more.