Hey, look guys – it’s a new show! And another show with B-you-know-what in the title! It’s just like Friends, only…not actually like Friends at all. Well, ok – so it’s about twenty-something roommates living in NYC in a colourful and quirky apartment, sporting cute haircuts and doing things that would warrant prosecution in real life but are hilarious on television, sooo…close! It’s an age-old tale: A perky, green Midwestern girl moves to the big city with big hopes (thanks alot, MBA), moves in with a sociopath who is stuck in the 90’s (acid wash denim! knee-high ‘Clueless’ stockings! Dawson!) and who tries to make her life a living hell. Honestly, where is Joey Tribbiani when you need him? I’m pretty sure he’d be a way better roomie.

 

Oh June. Poor, blonde, trusting, head-in-the-clouds June. She starts off the episode in such high spirits – and why not? Her new company has given her an apartment and paid her moving expenses for her! How awesome is that?! Her sunny attitude is mirrored in her first outfit:

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Y’all, yellow is my FAV colour so I absolutely love the sweet jacket she is sporting as she beams with pride in the living room of her company-paid apartment. I don’t know about you, but I knew the sunniness couldn’t last. The minute she said her entire life plan was on track I knew sheot was about to hit the fan. Life plans NEVER go how they are supposed to, amiright?

 

Sure enough, June shows up to her first day on the job to virtual chaos. She opens the door carrying a sweet little orchid that she will never get the chance to display on her desk only to find the entire office scrambling and falling apart. Turns out the government shut them down due to a crap-ton of *euphemismalert* “poor financial decisions”. Still feeling sunny there, June? What’s that?

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Nope, didn’t think so. Must be why you’re wearing that sorry gray/putty skirt suit. I’m sorry hunny, but the colour is just boring. And is it just me, or are skirt suits kind of 20 years ago? I applaud you for trying to jazz it up a little with your coral t-shirt but other than that, I’m not impressed.

 

I am, however, impressed with her jazzy office accessories, such as this floradelic laptop case:

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You KNOW you went out a bought a whole bunch of fun, quirky only-partially-useful office supplies the minute you got your first big-girl job, don’t even front! Studies have shown that pretty laptop cases and passive-agressive sticky notes increase productivity (look it up).

 

So, what does one do when one loses one’s job? Why, go apartment-hunting of course! Though, to be fair, the coffee dude is right – you can’t just set up a living room on the street. I suppose she had to find a place sooner or later.

Dude, the montage of June meeting with potential roomies made me SO glad for always having lived alone – I mean, a crazy cat man? A stripper grandmother? A creepy shut-in that looks like he plays WOW all. Day. Long? And might watch you sleep? *shudder*

 

Then we meet…HER. Chloe. The one in Apartment 23. Only she doesn’t seem like a b**** at all when she and June first meet. She is, in fact, all charming and funny and wearing a cute outfit:

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Tee hee! I am Zooey D’s cousin, I’m so adorkable and stylish and have such great dark bangs!

 

She’s so endearing in this scene that I’m almost willing to overlook the fact that she’s wearing Zach’s old jean jacket from Saved by the Bell. I mean, acid-wash?! You have such a nice figure that you’d look good in a garbage bag, but I gotta say, this denim is not stylin’. Just look at the bedazzled collar:

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The only thing I am more distracted by in this shot is how white and straight June’s teeth are.

 

Anyway, Chloe’s charm wins June over because she practically trips over her sky-high wedges to sign the lease. However, I think it’s pretty clear to all the viewers already that Chloe is no saint thanks to a small hint of forshadowing given at the start of the episode wherein June walks in on Chloe making out with her fiance on her birthday cake. I’m just guessing, but I don’t think Chloe has June’s best interests at heart.

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That’s not a happy face.

 

No sooner does June unpack her Anthropologie bedspread that the crazy starts comin’ out – Chloe walks around the apartment naked (to the delight of the creepy, gross neighbour staring in their window), brings two random guys home to have some “foursome” fun – wearing a dress with a super-cool back, btw:

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Gnarly, huh? This is 90’s redux done right.

 

Not only that but she interrupts her new roomie’s bathtime to let her know that she bought an Alexander McQueen clutch with the “extra” rent (aka. stolen moola) she got from her. Oh, this is so deliciously evil and yet I found myself wondering why I have never thought of trying this before. Look at the fabness!

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It’s so red and soft and glossy! And, hello – A McQ!! (I want). Oh, and look, more studs! Whaddya know! Her outfit is slightly street-walker-esque but it goes well with the bag – a hot outfit for a hot serving of sarcasm and deviousness. Well played, C.

 

Now every sassy New York girl needs a sassy gay bff. So, who is Chloe’s? It’s Dawson Leary, aka James van der Beek! Only he’s not actually gay, and he’s not playing Dawson. Instead, he’s a man-whore and he’s playing himself. Basically NPH in Harold & Kumar, without all the pot. And I gotta say, gettin’ away from the Creek water must have been smart because he looks pretty good:

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(I totally do this every time I’m on the phone.)

 

Oh, James, you were quite hilarious in this episode. Look at you and the B****, walking down the street, thick as thieves, looking a bit like an American Eagle Outfitters ad:

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This outfit is a bit…regular. But I like the pop of colour in the scarf and the jacket is tailored yet relaxed. And Chloe, not bad. This is a pretty cute outfit, but the British flag tee just reminds me of the Spice Girls. AGAIN, with the 90’s obsession! Take a cue from the Beek here and get with the times! You don’t see him dwelling on past…ok I can’t even finish typing that sentence. Moving on…

 

Looks like sweet little June isn’t so sweet after all because she pulls a fast one over Chloe by selling all of her stuff.

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Oh snap. Take that, apartment beotch!! I am digging June’s cute plaid shirt and yellow wedge sandals. It’s all “I may be sweet and country but I can be a b**** too!”

 

Chloe reasserts her queen B**** status in this apartment (for me) with this entrance:

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I’m sorry were you talking to me? SO don’t care.

You guys – MORE. STUDS. However, I actually like the studs here – this coat is a little more modern, and the combination of it with the glasses, the flippy hair and the pouty red lips is fierce.

Welcome to New York, June! Take my advice – better sleep with one eye open as long as you’re living in Apartment 23. Oh, and let your mom buy you bread (she’s right–that shiz IS expensive).

So, what did you guys think? Will you stay in Apartment 23 a little longer? Would you be friends with James van der Beek? Do you covet June’s hair as much as I do?