Editor’s Note: Hey, Glee? We’ve about had it with you and your Blossom after school special vibe. We miss the days when you were campy and fun and the plot dictated the music, not the other way around. So until you improve, we’re giving you short recaps because we just. Can’t. Stand. It.  – Xoxo, YKYLF.

 

So here’s what you missed on Glee… and since the show has become as lazy as I am sometimes, I’m doing this recap in bullet form:

  • It’s Senior Ditch Day! In…April? Does Lima go back to school in July?

  • Quinn is now in a wheelchair, and in total denial that she may be a quadriplegic.

  • Sue’s baby might have Down syndrome. She has a heart-to-heart with Becky, who gives her an amazing parenting tip: have lots of patience.

  • Puck asks Finn to join him in California to launch his pool-cleaning business as the brains behind the operation, at which point my Pavlovian response was to turn to my left, then my right, and then faced the TV with a blank expression that asks, “Are you KIDDING me????”

  • Blaine’s brother Cooper Anderson comes to town like a soldier returning from war, or in his case, from being a commercial star, and he criticizes Blaine to the point that Blaine takes a hot steamy angry shower in which his skin glistens like uncut diamonds against a velvet pouch in my dream safety deposit box in a Swiss bank. Ahem. Sorry.

  • Not contributing anything to the plot this week are Mr. Schue, Emma, Asian, Other Asian, Mercedes, Trouty Mouth, Irish, Muy picante lesbiana Cheerleader, and Brittany S. Pears. Also, Karofsky was last seen in the hospital bed and I hope he’s working through his issues with a  counselor, because he’s going to need therapy until he’s at least 35.

 

Rachel’s Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

Rachel was surprisingly not given a solo this week, so she had to console herself with a very pretty outfit.

I must say, however, that I’m a little tired of her trying to state her purity via fabric. She’s already had Finn open her box, so every time I see her trying to dress like Emma’s younger sister, it now looks like a Halloween costume, at least in theory.

Not say that she’s not entitled to dress however she wants. I only want to know why she is allergic to trousers. The bow is a bit much but at least it is the same color as the rest of the top. The contrast with the black-and-white subtle polka dots (which reminds me of Dippin’ Dots, may it rest in peace) makes the top pop out more, but she looks she’s on her way to a boozy lunch with Elaine Stritch in the original Broadway version of Company. But hey, at least give the girl something memorable to wear if she’s not given a solo.

 

Brittany Bon Mots:

Brittany was once again wearing dressed in her cheerleader outfit, but the one line of the night goes to her:

“It’s springtime. I would like to see something give birth.” I know the feeling, kiddo. Well, actually, I don’t. Unless leftover chocolate bunnies from Easter can give birth. Mmm…chocolate baby bunnies…

 

Outfit of the Week:

The fashion all-stars of the week go to the fabulous Kurt and Blaine, and the smashing guest star Cooper Anderson. Even Sue’s lady parts are hurting every time he’s around.

Curious, though, that they dressed Cooper all in black/greys/shades thereof. Perhaps he’s trying to become James Franco and be all artsy and mysterious, and just ends up being irritatingly self-righteous and selfish? But since Matt Bomer has now become #1 on my own Freebie Five list, I thought that I should share his goodness with humanity in general. Thank you sweet Glee goddess, for I the gift of Matt Bomer.

By the way, I totally saw that coat on sale at TopMan the other day.

 

Even Sue is in love with him. Look how happy she looks when he dances! This is how Sue sees it … or at least Cooper Anderson, this week.

Hold me, I’m frightened! Is this the dawning of a kinder, gentler Sue? (It IS 2012, after all…)

 

I would also like to post the numerous pictures of Blaine in symmetric-patterned tops with brightly-coloured skinny jeans. Plus, he was the one with the big melodramatic solos this week including a killer cover of “Somebody I Used to Know”.

He is absolutely killing it on a regular basis and I swear if the weather were nicer where I am, I’d walk around the office in these outfits.

 

At least he’s doing better sartorially (if not emotionally) than his boyfriend, Kurt.

Note that while Blaine is dressed like he’s in a Gaultier cologne ad circa 1994, that Kurt is channeling Johnny Weir. (Also, how come Kurt and Blaine don’t talk about figure skating more often? We need more gays to talk about skating. I’ll start: does the fact that Michelle Kwan NEVER won Olympic gold STILL keep you up at night once in a blue moon? No? Just me? Okay, then.)

 

So what will happen next week, Gleeks? Are you ok with our new short recaps? Or did you still want MORE, despite the fact that this show has become “a less compelling Degrassi with autotune”? (Thanks to YKYLF staffer Amanda for that chestnut.)