When Jess realizes that Schmidt has serious control issues with cleanliness, organization, and thrifted furniture, she tries to “help” him (much to the dismay of the other roommates who rely on his tidiness). With Jess’s help, Schmidt manages to relax… but to the point where he is one tempeh burger away from listening to Phish and drinking The Kool-Aid. In a less exciting storyline, Nick owes Winston money from poker, ending in a public slap fight. Did I say “less exciting”? Schmidt in a Lifetime-worthy throwdown with a hutch vs. Nick and Winston bitch-slapping each other. I’d say the clear winner is Jess’s accessories. Though the bitch fight comes a close second.

 

The episode begins with a little Schmidt and Cece rendezvous (ugh, when did this storyline get so boring?). After Schmidt sneaks back into the loft, Jess presents him with a hutch she found on the side of the street. She looks pretty great after having dragged that huge, bulky piece of furniture up to a top floor apartment.

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Anyone remember similar outfits in “The Landlord” and “Jess and Julia”? Now, I’m just banking on every episode having her in some sort of striped top/black skirt/tights combo that is slightly different from the last episode.

 

I also like how they decided to bring back her “nerdy” glasses in this episode. Just in case you forgot that this was Zooey Deschanel playing a CHARACTER named Jessica Day. 

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“OMG I am NOT playing myself!”

 

Schmidt demands she get rid of the hutch because this is how it makes him feel:

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After the guys beg Jess not to interfere, she does anyway. To help him relax, she takes him to Venice Beach in this warm, comfy wool coat, perfect for a day at the beach.

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Man, those shiny, gold buttons do wonders to an otherwise boring navy pea coat. Here is a montage of Jess accessorizing and looking cute while doing it:

 

Blue and white saddle bag. Baby blue bike.

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Heart-shaped sunglasses. Chocolate ice cream cone.

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 His and Her rollerblades.

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At the beach, Jess succeeds in her mission and Schmidt ends up joining some sort of hippie cult/Burning Man troupe/Scientology group (unclear).

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The next morning (or next few days/weeks/months) (also unclear), the apartment is a mess and Jess, in perfect east coast private school attire, realizes she might have made a huge mistake changing Schmidt.

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I wasn’t sure if I liked this outfit. Too preppy for Jess. Like a lame version of what Spencer Hastings would wear on PLL. But I thought the simplicity made it great. Button down white shirt, a black schoolboy blazer, leggings, knee-high boots and an eye roll. An A for classic, but an F for color.

 

I know this is “What Jess Wore”, but I can’t resist hippie Schmidt. Here he comes out offering crystal necklaces to his friends. Poor Schmidt. He looks like Nick on a good day.

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Enough is enough. Handmade crystal necklaces = last straw. Jess confronts Schmidt at the beach in this cute, red flannel pea coat.

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Schmidt refuses to change back until Jess brings out the big guns: gray, shiny, twill, flat front trousers by Calvin Klein.

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He can’t resist. Not sure if it’s because it’s in a pretty box wrapped in white tissue paper or because he just realized he’s wearing the ugliest Mexican Baja hoodie in the entire world.

Barf.

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Jess was dressed typical Jess in this episode albeit more J.Crew than the per usual ModCloth. No Nick and Jess storyline for you N&J fans but when do you think Jess will find out about Schmidt and Cece’s secret affair? And when do you think we will care when she does finds out?  And how many Fat Schmidt flashbacks is too many? This viewer says, “No such thing.”