So, Ted and Alec are kind of terrible Dads, amiright? Not only because of their nonstop manipulative/creepy ways, but because all they ever wear are business suits.

Luckily, they both brought some great face this week.

Alec went from stressed…

… to Happily Engaged To His Alibi…

… to Dark Lord Of The Universe!

Seriously, I have no idea how sweet, sweet Mads and Thayer share any DNA with this skeeze. But, then again, are any of the characters being raised by their actual parents? The way things are going, it’ll turn out that Kristen is secretly everybody’s Mom and Ethan’s cowboy Dad is everybody’s father. 

Or maybe that’s just what I hope, to get Mads and Thayer and Sutton away from all these creepy parental units.

 

Ted’s facial journey was even more dramatic than Alec’s. Ted started off drunk/bored:

… then “Oh shizz my secret’s out! Or at least, half of it!”

… and finally, he winds up as Sad Dad.

What’s that? Oh, that’s your bed, Ted. You made it and now you must lie in it. Alone – not with Kristen. That ship has sailed.

 

Did anybody else feel like giving a standing O when Kristen’s long-lost backbone emerged? First she was like, “It was a misunderstanding! I will continue living in denial! My marriage is fine!” in this blehhh caftan:

 

Then she went to the tennis club in this, “EVERYTHING IS TOTES FINE” hoodie ensemble:

 

Then, once she finally realizes that her husband is a total douche, she has this moment of pain:

She doesn’t stew for long, though. Suddenly, bubbling up from deep within, comes RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION!

Sometimes, all it takes is an emotional crisis and your family falling apart for a woman to start working what she’s got. Has Kristen been hiding this rockin’ bod under those shapeless curtains all season? Here, she’s like, “Here’s what you’ll be missing, my soon-to-be-ex-husband! SUCK IT, LOCKET BOY!”

Look at those legs! It’s almost like she’s a grown-up Supergirl or something… wait a minute

 

Seriously, though, she has nothing to worry about vis-a-vis Rebecca now that we know Kristen’s got this yogilates frame. What’s Rebecca bringing to the scene this week, besides Le Crazycakes?

A little cleave in this wraparound jewel-tone dress…

 

Some classic Jackie O/Audrey Hepburn style in this “We’re engaged and getting married TOMORROW!” ensemble:

Love the belt and the bag on this one. This is by far her best outfit in the last little while (the costumers must have not noticed when she slipped out of the wardrobe trailer with something actually cute and flattering).

 

Sure enough, by the next time we see her, she’s wrapped in this sequinned circus tent/maternity coat:

Sequinned coat with a sequinned bag? Oh, honey. No. World of no. And that coat, really? That’s a coat you wear when you’re 9 months gone and, last time I checked, you haven’t given birth in about 16 years.

 

Apparently, there was a sale at the sequin store, because her tragic wedding skirtsuit included a superfugly sequinned white TSHIRT:

And that jacket doesn’t fit at ALL:

Jacket too big, skirt too tight. See, this is why you want to be engaged for more than a week. You don’t want to have to buy your wedding dress off the rack with no time for alterations.

Anyway, at least her shoes were super-fierce:

As soon as we saw those shoes, was there any doubt that Rebecca was the twins’ mother? No wonder Emma was able to step into platform Louboutins after a lifetime in sneakers – she’s got the genetics to ignore severe foot pain!