In case y’all didn’t catch my title theme, the episode was named “Scandal” so I chose one of favourite 80s tunes by the band Scandal. Hold your applause.
So… Emily ripped it UP this week on the fashion front. I was pouring wine left and right trying to keep up with her. I don’t feel compelled to recap that goddamn red dress that we’ve seen since Day One, so I’m jumping right into this scene at Casa di Nolan.
Oh. My. God. She looks like she just closed a merger, ordered a hit on someone, and is ready to win a groundbreaking court case. The buttons… the belt… the colour… someone deserves some z-snaps but it was too early in the episode, so I held back.
And I’m glad I showed restraint because this next outfit is where I went from a quiet, relatively buzzed, viewer to an audience member at a Maury taping.
NO YOU DID NOT. Oh Sweet Fancy Moses, Emily Thorne – you are the new queen of the beach. From head to toe, you are working this look like none other. It’s Wall Street meets Hamptons realness, and Emily is just working those pants to the bone. And that gold belt clasp? You’re getting a full-on windmill snap, honeychild.
I defy anyone to have a problem with this outfit. If you do, send me an email or hit me up on Twitter. But prepare for a battle, because I would invest stock in this look.
While Emily is making regular women around the world weep, her BFF Ashley is grabbing at every career opportunity that comes her way. Suddenly you go from lackey to PR champ overnight? Right… totally not suspicious. Ashley, you’ve already committed the cardinal sin of a PR specialist in the media – wearing the same thing twice.
And who thought this was a flattering camera angle for anyone? Maybe Karl Malden. Maybe.
I would like a moment of silence for Ashley’s Forgotten Wardrobe Item of the Day. Specifically, this mustard pencil skirt. It’s gorgeous and such a nice colour on her, and yet they only show it briefly in the courthouse and from that hideous top down shot.
At this point, I can’t even complain anymore. I can only laugh at the fact that the five shirts Jack owns have been featured more than Ashley’s stunning wardrobe. Priorities.
By the way, I thought the judge at Daniel’s hearing was kind of hilarious. Since none of the main cast wore pearls this week, the show managed to sneak them in with her.
So, Revenge (!!!) is still heating up, kids! I mean, what the hell is going to happen now that we know Emily’s sensei man is just as batshit crazy as Emily herself? He buried the two bullets in Tyler, gave Daniel a serious concussion, kidnapped Fauxmanda, and he’s had Nolan in his pocket this whole time? I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I don’t think everything is going to wrap up nicely for Emily Thorne. Especially when he’s all, you know, better at kung-fu than you.