Oh no she didn’t! This week on Sixteen Candles Drive Me Crazy Jane By Design, India almost succeeded in pulling a fast one on poor little Jane. But since Jane is so totally awesome, she pouted her lips a little, wagged her finger, and took what was rightfully hers – a wedding dress design worthy of American Royalty. Jane forces Billy and Nick to hang out, and against all odds they found out they actually have stuff in common. Raise your hand if you were surprised by that one. Nobody? Anyway, either because of India’s scheming, or just because, Jeremy finally breaks things off between them for good. So while India was left licking her wounds, Jane was able to save the day and make it in time to watch her new beau (?) pitch in the big game. 

 

Ready? OK! Let’s go Nick, he’s our man! If he can’t do it, no one can! Go Nick, go, go, go Nick! Woo!

While Janie’s busy cheering, Billy’s busy wondering what popular jock he pissed off this time to find himself in high school hell. Jane’s dress was super cute when she was sitting down, but as soon as she popped up at the sight of her hunnie, I cringed. The stiff material almost looks like canvas. Not to mention she could hide an entire family under there.

 

Billy: Jane? What exactly are you wearing on your feet? They don’t match your outfit and I’m afraid they could actually take me out.

Me: Jane? Mega props for wearing those puppies to a high school pep rally and not falling over on the slippery gym floor and breaking your ankle. And PS – love the color!

 

By this point we know Jane is the Queen of accessories, but really are all those pins necessary? When I was a Girl Scout we used to collect pins and badges for doing good deeds and put them on our vests. The more pins we had, obvs the cooler we were. Unfortunately for Jane those days have passed and well, collecting pins is no longer cool.

However, her huge, bright yellow belt? Let’s just say Jane must have done something really awesome to get that super cool belt.

 

Dear Fashion Goddess, seriously is there anything you can put on Jane that actually looks bad? This girl can make a green chiffon tutu look purely awesome. Some prima ballerinas can’t even do that. The color is absolutely fabulous, and while this outfit is a cross between biker chick and prom queen, Jane pulls the look off effortlessly and proves that these two social classes can actually sit at the same lunch table. 

And check out those stompers. This girl has got some killer calves from running around in nine inch heels all day, every day. 

 

Is that an iguana on Jane’s finger or did Kate Middleton’s hidden vault of jewels throw up all over Jane’s finger? 

 

This American Apparel body suit is the perfect compliment to Jane’s full chiffon skirt. I wasn’t a huge fan of the neckline at first, but when I saw her standing on top of the hill waiting to run in to the arms of her lova (Nick, not Billy), I totes fell in love (with the outfit, not Nick). At that moment I wanted to be Jane, mainly because I’m dying to twirl around in that skirt and see how pretty it looks!

 

Like any normal girl with a pulse, Jane’s a sucker for a guy in a uniform. And how manly Nick was with that super teeny tiny cut on his lip from the rough and tough bar brawl he got in to with Billy! But the most pressing question is, when did Jane and Nick take their relationship to the next level and make it acceptable for them to be kissing in public? Isn’t Nick breaking some cardinal jock rule about no fraternizing with the weird and eccentric? 

 

I didn’t think anyone had more facial expressions than Jeremy, until I really watched India this episode. Girl rivals her main squeeze like whoa. Although India’s looks are more bitchface and Jeremy’s are more clueless, lost puppy. Anywho, I really liked India’s simply stated dress this week. It hugs her like a glove and the detailing on the top is gorge. But what I absolutely love about this dress is the back (you’ll see it later).

And can you see that monstrous ring, straight from the ABC Family Ring Warehouse (as mentioned in our latest Pretty Little Liars recap)? Bad ass jewelry to match a bad ass attitude.

 

Eeek, this is about 4 dresses too many. I guess if Donovan Decker designed the most perfect dress the first time around, there wouldn’t have been a chance for Jane to create the most perfect wedding dress, and India wouldn’t have had the chance to steal Jane’s design, and Jeremy never would’ve seen the true India and broken up with her, and then there wouldn’t have been an episode. So I guess for the sake of the episode we had to endure this. I was half expecting a dozen little kids to run out of her Mother Ginger dress. 

 

Although they did do something right. The bead work on the bodice was mildly acceptable. I would have preferred a princess cut top instead of just straight across… but yes, Charlotte, I’m wondering what they were thinking as well. They’re Donovan-freaking-Decker for pete’s sake!

 

LOVE THIS DRESS. It looks so perfect on her! The color, the fit, the belt, the bag, the million strands of pearls around her neck! I’m jumping for joy at this outfit!

 

 

And speaking of things I love, this is a great trench. This is the kind of trench you wear when you’re taking over the world. Which Gray obviously is doing. She’s beyond secretive, only shows up every once in awhile, and commands attention at the mere appearance on a TV screen. She is TOTALLY taking over the WORLD. 

 

Oh and she also runs in to Betsey Johnson who acts like they’re BFF-ers-4Eva&Eva. Such BFFs that this following conversation between the two is standard:
Betsey, daahhling, why do you chose to wear your bangs cut like so?
Why Gray, because I’m Betsey-god damned-Johnson and I’m super fabulous and have earned the right to do whatever I want. I can have a 5 year old cut my hair and dye it an absurdly unnatural color. I can wear every single animal found on an African safari as my wardrobe. I AM BETSEY JOHNSON, HEAR ME ROAR!

 

Alright so let’s talk about the boys in Jane’s life. Yes, boys plural. Because even though this girl is supposed to be on the bottom of the totem pole, somehow she’s found herself surrounded by not one, but FOUR gorgeous men who cater to her every beck and call. But um HELLO?! What is going on! That kiss was a little too close for comfort. I don’t think that Nick would be too happy if he found out Jane’s planting big smack-a-roo’s on Billy boys face. 

And Billy? The hat? While I find you beyond attractive in this picture, you are not a down-and-out musician struggling to make it in this world, so the hat is in-a-propes. 

 

A v-neck baby tee over a half button down henley? No.

 

Blindingly white Baby-G watch? Double no.

Although I do like this non-gelled, non-spikey hair style much better on Nick. 

 

And yet another facial expression from Jeremy. But even that crazy look doesn’t distract from the fact that his blue shirt has a white collar and white cuffs. Next time Jeremy, please make sure to not buy shirts with mix and match collars. 

But check out the back of India’s dress. I love how the black cascades down her back, giving good contrast to the all gray on the front. 

 

Mwah! I’m blowing kisses Carter’s way on this maroon checkered button down, sleek vest and blue tie. Lover it! I don’t think that I actually love his pants…the fit maybe? But regardless, Carter still wins my best dressed male award. An award which he will always probably win. 

Yes, Carter you get a big thumbs up. Now please go do your job and show these other boys how to dress.

 

Every time I see Jane and Jeremy in this position I can not help but think of Sixteen Candles. It seems that at the end of every episode we find Jane perched on the edge of the desk, gazing into Jeremy’s eyes. Either that or she is totes just BLINDED BY THE LIGHT! My question is, if Jeremy works in high fashion, why does he not know that platinum blonde hair is only meant for JTT, Nick Carter and any other 90s teeny bopper.

 

But baby doll, you are amaze-balls in this wedding dress. Makes me wonder if there’s any foreshadowing going on. I mean it’s not that unreasonable, seems that all our teen stars are tying the knot these days. While this particular wedding dress will not be on my body when walking down the aisle, it is super elegant and classic. And Jane looks so angelic and model-esq in this picture, AND her curly locks have been tamed.

 

Leave it to our fashionista Jane to save the day! Air kisses all around. 🙂