And there it is folks. Ashley’s first fashion misstep. I get that the theme is “fire and ice” but I don’t think the idea was to be that literal about it. That dress makes her look like she’s about to step on the ice to deliver a riveting short program, land a triple salchow and skate her way into the hearts of the country.

 

 

 

 

Oh Victoria. There you go again. Always making things about yourself. Who signs their divorce papers at their son’s engagement party? Golf claps for pulling off that dress at your age, though. It really is a stunning colour and I’m a big fan of the jeweled detail. Gotta give some props to Connie as well, the man clearly passed on his ability to rock a suit to his son.

 

 

 

 

And the dramatic flipping of the business card? Priceless.

 

 

 

 

Ok. I need to take a minute to discuss the shoes. Those shoes mean business. But I can’t help but feel a little underwhelmed by them, Although, I guess they do strike a fine balance between “hey I’m at a fancy party” and also “I want to ruin all of your lives. In killer, yet sensible heels no less”. Girlfriend also has some legs. Wowza.

 

 

 

And how can we forget this season’s hottest accessory? A gun.  I’ll admit that I didn’t watch all of the shows from NYFW, but I feel fairly confident that none of the runways featured leg holsters and guns. But then again, what do I know?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That hairdo is not doing her any favours. It’s too tight and slicked back and makes her look extra harsh.

 

 

 

At first, I loved the dress. I love the one shoulder and the cut, but what the hell is that weird extra bit of fabric hanging out around her stomach? I don’t care who you are, nobody wants to draw attention to their stomach, especially not with draping fabric.  Unless they’re trying to hide something in plain sight. What are you hiding Emily? I’m going to start the speculation. Is Emily preggers with Danny’s spawn?

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, in some sketchy barn…Given the choice between wearing that dress and taking one for the team, I have to say, I’d take the bullet. Fauxmanda might be a little rough around the edges but even she knows a tragic dress when she sees one. She does have good hair all throughout the episode though, I will say.

 

 

 

 

Emily does a fine job of accessorizing with this outfit. That clutch and earrings are quite lovely. And the ring… wait for the ring.

 

 

Bam! Check out that ring! So awesome.

 

 

Moving along…

 

 

 

Nolan is looking extra dapper while he creeps away on his trusty Ipad. Remember Penny from Inspector Gadget and that cool computer she had that was disguised as a book? That’s what this reminds me of for some reason.

 

 

You gotta hand it to Nolan for daring to wear that red jacket. He looks great, albeit slightly schmarmy like a Palm Beach used car salesman..But mostly great.

 

 

 

 

Charlottle is rocking her dress, despite her newfound prescription pill problem. That’s multi-tasking for you

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway. On a boat somewhere….

 

Can we take a minute here to pay some respect to the trusty whale cam? Where would we be without that hilarious little piece of technology.

 

 

 

 

Aaaah Shiz. Just as Jack is poised to make his grand escape, Fauxmanda comes running back into poor Jack’s life. For like, 2.5 minutes.

 

 

They’re even dressed the same. They must be soulmates.

 

 

Well, that just about sums it up. The whole Daniel/Tyler thing is really bugging me. The teasers CLEARLY show Daniel biting the dust, but then oh no, just jokes, it’s crazy old Tyler! So I’m pretty curious to see what that’s all about.

 

Until next time, don’t stop revengin’ (!!!).