If Bluebell’s education system is extremely strong in one department, it’s geometry. These belles can make love triangles like there’s a tradition-steeped mating ritual coming up. Which there is. It’s Sweetie Pie Dance time in Bluebell, and that sends the whole town in a love-buggin’, pie eatin’ frenzy! No seriously, they’re giving each other actual pies instead of cinnamon hearts. Fine by me. Tensions run high as everyone scrambles for a date. Will Zoe go with Hot Vet Judson? Will Lavon Hayes go with Sandra Bullock Lookalike DiDi? Will Wade go with his new fling? Too many questions. I’m just going to eat some pie while I recap this episode.

 

Rose may be the ultimate accidental hipster. Check out her INCREDIBLY adorable and ironic sweater. Wade calls her four-eyes, yet here she sits in her sweater covered in glasses. It screams “I’m a cute super nerd who doesn’t fit in, and I don’t give a care.” You go Rose.

But look at these two. The chemistry is undeniable, right?

 

I’ve also figured out the reason behind Wade’s excessive wearing of plaid. Wade is on a plaid strike. Much like people take hunger strikes to get their voices heard, Wade will wear plaid until Zoe admits that she has feelings for him. I’m 99.9% certain that once this admission of love occurs, every piece of plaid Wade’s ever owned will never be seen again.

 

On the other side of town, George yet again tells Lemon that she’s distant and crazy. Lemon responds by straddling him while wearing a gorgeous flowery dress. Her outfit might be ladylike, but she’s got moves like a lionesss. RAWR!

 

Cut to the Sweetie Pie Dance. Do you see how this triangle is coming along? DiDi loves Lavon, Lavon loves Lemon, Lemon loves Lavon but also loves George, George loves Zoe, Judson loves Zoe, Zoe loves Wade, Wade loves Zoe. Whoa. I’m pretty sure that just became a love octagon. Wade busts up “Zudson’s” slow dance to show that not only will he wear plaid EVERY DAY, he will sometimes wear the same plaid shirt for TWO days in a row. That’s a statement of love if I’ve ever seen it.

Might I add that for someone who claims to have escaped out of a second story window to get to the dance, Zoe looks fab. Her hair shows NO sign of escapee-ism and her dress is the furthest thing from Southern Belle that you can get.

 

Lemon is ensuring that no one forgets the Sweetie Pie Dance is for the true Southern Belles. Her dress was clearly constructed from various 1970s couches that survived explosions in the Pepto Bismol factory. I love pink and I love flowers, but someone get that girl to a Nordstrom before she is forever stuck in 1942.

 

And fear not. Lavon Hayes was also the lucky recipient of a couch suit, as he showed up in red velour. Somehow he pulls this off far far better than Lemon in her couch dress.

Couch clothes or plaid strike? Things are so extreme in Bluebell. Oh well, at least there’s pie.