And that is how we got here, ladies and gents. Sure, other kinda-fun things happened in this episode – George and Wade were scheming, while Lavon had his normal awkward women troubles. But, seriously, with a dress like the one Zoe was forced to wear, everything just pales in comparison.

The great thing about this dress – aside from the fact that she looks like a poster child for why the South lost the war – is that there is a Secret Word. When the Secret Word is uttered, Dr. Zoe Hart must sing some warped Belle song, which is exacly what she’s doing here…

Is our Dr. Hart thinking:
A) “Huh. I’m not that bad a singer. I should audition for Mobile Idol!”
B) “This garter is cutting off my circulation and everyone’s starting to look like Colonel Stonewall Jackson.”
C) “Talk about a two-for-one happy hour special!”

 

I’m guessing “B”. But oh no! I’ve upset our puppy-dog-face Dr. Hart with my jokes 🙁

Upon closer look, I’m kind of digging those red roses on the front of her dress. I suppose she looks adorable, but she’d look adorable in a garbage bag, so what’s that say?

 

Is this how high-class Southern escorts dressed back in the day? Were they extremely polite with a hint of sass?

“Why great balls of fire, Dr. Hart, you look like the wrong kind of working woman”

 

So Belle hell-week isn’t going so great for our Dr. Zoe. She’s wondering if she’s made the right decision in sticking around Bluebell, instead of heading back to the damn-Yankees.

 

Is it me or does Zoe look like she’s in a “I’m not a virgin, so my wedding dress will be red” depressing photo shoot?

 

And yeah, hell-week doesn’t get easier when Lemon unleashes her fellow Belles with painball guns on our poor Dr. Hart. I’m doing that “Tough Mudder” obstacle course in just under a month. I wonder if this is one of those “mystery obstacles”?

 

What is Lemon expressing via scary-stare-telekenisis?
A) “Polish my silver good, or you’ll be forced to wear polka-dot pants!”
B) “When I see my reflection in that silver, I see a red and scaly creature with a bifurcated tail, carrying a hay fork. What does that mean?”
C) “Your non-blonde hair is a sign that your carpetbagger size-zero-ass is evil!”

I’m going with “A”. Apparently, the threat of polka dot pants was enough to make Zoe drop the Belle’s invitation. Anticlimatic? Yes, but a wise decision by our Dr. Zoe, and no hard feelings are left with Lemon.

Catch you next week, loyal readers. Who knows what absurd things our cute Dr. Zoe will wear…