Zoe goes digging for her Bluebell family heritage and finds a long lost Aunt, who tells her she comes from a tradition of Wilkes women who were Southern Belles. Bluebell Belles. Lemon (of course) is not only a Belle, but also the Belle ringleader. Zoe (of course) wants in, and it’s a lot like pledging a sorority – chores, humiliation and one awful red dress, to be worn for the duration of her one-week Belle pledging. But more on that later…

 

Dr. Zoe finds a box of pictures from Harley Williams with her name literally written on it. Is this the beginning of a “Choose Your Own Adventure”? No. Just a friendly reminder that Zoe is a terrible New Yorker and knows nothing about her Wilkes family heritage. Dr. Brick, sporting a real-men-wear-pink shirt, questions Zoe’s dedication to the town and family. Zoe, wearing a classic black blazer with a [rawl!] leopard print dress, is all, “I’m not just passing through, I’ve been here for four whole months.” Dr. Brick challenges her back with, “You wanna fit in? Find out where you fit.” GAME. SET. SOUTH.

 

Lemon joins the conversation with a pastel top purchased at an “After-Easter” sale and, shockingly, low opinions of our highly educated doctor.

 

It’s Aunt Marine! But with no marine-themed prints or colors on her outfit. How disappointing. I was all set for aqua dolphins. Surely Lilly Pulitzer makes a print like that.

 

But that doesn’t matter because she has THE ONE RING – a Belle legacy ring – which means Zoe can be a Belle. I doubt Zoe is a Lord of the Rings fan, but if she was, the references would be endless. In the meantime, we’ll go with: One Ring to Belle Them All.

 

Silly Zoe! It takes more than a pledge to become a Belle! It takes a WHOLE week of pledging! With Zoe fully revealing the leopard dress, is it just me or would this double as an amazing piece of advertising for the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States of Bitchface.

 

So what’s up with the boys of Blue Belle? Well, funny you should ask, because our men all have that “100-yard-stare” thing going on. What’s troubling? Aside from another homerun by Lavon and his hats, why…

 

George, rocking the power suit with a lovely checkered dress shirt. He’s in the middle of some boring real-estate deal, and his key client is Wade’s crazy father – the aptly nicknamed “Crazy Earl.”

 

Wade, sporting the classic man’s-man green flannel, isn’t so happy about George using his father. Just look at the way he’s clenching those his pearly whites.

 

Meanwhile, Lavon can’t get a single date in Bluebell, thanks to DiDi telling all the girls that he’s in love with her. How big is this town? It sounds more like a high school. DiDi, stop trying to be the Regina George of Bluebelle. That’s Lemon’s job. You just stick to being jealous of how effortlessly Lavon pulls off purple stripes.

 

As for Dr. Zoe’s medical storyline of the week – it seems all the Belles in Lemon’s clique can’t get pregnant because Lemon put a “curse” on them. Uh…it is 2012 down there, right? I mean, do they really believe that since Lemon is still unhitched, no morning sickness for any of them? And speaking of throwing up, check out the puke green on the top below. Or is it zippy yellow? I can’t decide. But wait, what’s is Zoe wearing? Ohhhh just you wait and see…