So, it might be a summer storm in the Hamptons this week, but between Emily and Queen V it was more like an arctic chill.

Emily kicked things off CSI-style, casually pulling on a pair of latex gloves to doctor some evidence while chatting with her BFF Nolan:

Ain’t no thang, just another day in the life of Emily Thorne.

I really like this yellow cardigan (reminiscent of Ashley’s cute yellow dress from earlier). This week was all about showcasing Emily’s amazingly cut arms, which you can see through the snug (yet comfy) fit of this sweater. Plus, that bracelet is just chunky enough to be edgy without being too heavy.


And in this corner, we have Queen V, pulling out some emotional manipulation on her son while rocking a seriously sexy body-con red dress:

That shackle bracelet we saw earlier behind Daniel’s head? Yes, that’s her choice of accessory. The red dress has an interesting textured print on it, but seems like insane overkill for lunch with your son. Remember when flashback Victoria was wearing like, sweats? She doesn’t have to pull out all the stops 24/7, like, buy a nice pair of yoga pants MY GOD.


So, she was like “You totes don’t have to marry Emily any more, I’ve got everything sorted out!” and then Daniel was like, “Um, I love her and I’m going to  marry her,” and then Queen V was like

And you knew the game was on.


Emily continued with her sunny yellow palette (maybe she and Ashley were trying to counterbalance the cloudy skies with their clothing choices?) in this yellow polo, windbreaker, and cute hoop earrings:



Her handbag is cute, but gigantic. I was wondering what she needed such a huge bag for, until she changed into all black and broke into Fake!Amanda’s house to plant the interview tapes there. Always multitasking, this girl. Clearly, revenge (!!!) calls for a really big bag. Might as well get a cute brown leather one like this:

Apparently she also had a USB and creepy note inside her bag too, because Conrad found evidence that Charlotte is really David’s daughter at lunchtime that same day.


So, then Connie played the tape in front of Queen V and the lawyers, and Queen V was like

Seriously, this is the tip of the iceberg of Emily’s revenge (!!!) plans and already Victoria’s life is SO RUINED. Is it any consolation that black lacey dress made her rack look FANTASTIC?

Unfortch, not today.


So, while Victoria’s having her ass handed to her in her divorce, Emily is busy being proposed to in THE MOST ROMANTIC PROPOSAL I HAVE EVER SEEN OH MY GOD:

Plus, her gold dress is COMPLETELY GORGEOUS (it’s like a white gold with a yellow gold skinny belt, pencil skirt, shows off her crazy toned arms). 


Still dripping with rainwater, Emily and Daniel go to tell Queen V their happy news. Victoria greets them in this kinda awesome grey dress with black lace detail (although I’d ditch the black lacey bits at the neckline).


And Emily’s like


And Queen V, plastering as much of a smile as she can on her ice queen botox face, is like

(Meanwhile, the entire Hamptons are suddenly immersed in a glacier, such is the combined force of these two ice queens facing off during a rain storm.)

For those of you not keeping track: Victoria is having the worst day ever, and Emily’s kind of rocking the world.


AND THEN, just when you thought things couldn’t get any more insane, Queen V totally lets Daniel believe that she was raped by David Clarke. And she also wears this tragic napkin mishap of a sleeveless blouse:

Like, we get it, you’re a cold-hearted bitch. But you’re allowed to wear other colours besides white and grey every once in a while, seriously.


So, Emily comes home to tell Daniel that she’s thinking of calling off their engagement, and she looks completely delightful in this green army jacket, jeans, and a tank:

And then Daniel’s like, “Your father, even though I don’t know it’s your father, raped my mother! I know because she nodded vaguely when I asked her if that had happened!”


And Emily is like

And just like that, the Red Sharpies are (metaphorically) uncapped and the revenge, she is back on.


FYI, Queen V?