After twelve episodes we finally know something about them lying games of Sutton. She really was a nasty piece of work. And she’s maybe up to them again by writing threatening notes and wrapping them impeccably. Or maybe she’s not…because by the time the episode closes, our trio of conspirators are in tears and ready to give up the ghost – literally – by telling everyone about her death. When not mourning the maybe death of her twin, Emma is still playing Girl Detective and trying to smoke her sister out by visiting colleges. Auntie Rebecca is committing her sister into rehab, but poor Char is getting shipped off to daddy dearest. Justin’s got a box of secrets and they’re getting him down. And Mads…still no fun times for Mads. Can we give the girl a plot already? 

 

As Christian once said to Cher Horowitz, “nice stems.”

 

Hells bells girlfriend! Those bitches deserved the close up. I’d even given them their own spin off show. Actually, the whole outfit is working for me. Even the bag. Which is kind of rare for these kids. 

 

Your twin sister might be dead or behind the threatening gifts your receiving, but honestly? Is that any reason to let yourself go? Not at all.

However, despite the bat signal from Char, there is one thing we need to discuss. 

 

Those shoes and that cute outfit, are not meant for pool cleaning. I don’t care how much Char needs you to complete a hand of bridge. 

 

I’ll give this advice to our wee little lollipop Mads as well. She might be dressed like she’s headed to a party with Heather Chandler, but that’s still not pool cleaning attire. 

 

Can’t they pool together some cash and hire someone to do this?  I mean, she appears to be wearing Betsey Johnson to do chores. All they’d have to do is pawn one of their dresses and they’d have more than enough to pay for a cleaner. 

 If nothing else, the girl has great hair. And the chain necklace is a nice touch to the floral number.

 

Speaking of hair, Laurel ran hot and cold on that front. I don’t even know what to say about this. 

A little harsh for a teenager, non? Fantastic if you’re a brass balls business lady in 1987. Severe and weird if you’re a sixteen year old girl in 2012. 

 

Crazier still are the shoes. 

 It’s no wonder she drives around in a golf cart, because I’m not sure how she walks in those. Come to think of it, I’m not sure how she drives a golf cart in those things. The heels are almost half the length of her leg.

 

Wearing those shoes to a driving range to say howdy to your dad and boyfriend further convinces me these girls have no concept of casual wear. Let’s take a looksee at what Emma wears to tennis practice:

For reals? I’m surprised she didn’t accessorize with one sparkly glove.

 

And for some nail painting and gossip times with the sister?

Of course she’s wearing a silk blouse and a jacket with shoulder pads that’d make an 80s Working Girl jealous.

 

I’d almost argue that jacket would have been the better choice for the college interview and not the sweater dress with the chunky necklace that I’m pretty sure my mom rocked hard in the 80s.

What? My mom was super stylish in the 80s. I do dig the sweater dress though. The colour is outstanding and I think it’s not too short to meet with someone who is going to decide your future. The peep toe, chunky booties? Awesome, but maybe not for an interview. 

 

Thankfully, Laurel decides to channel a decade other than the 80s. 

Why so glum, kittenface? Because when you’re channeling some glam 60s French chanteuse (no, I have no idea what I’m talking about. This is just what I think a glam 60s French lady would do with her hair and eye makeup) and your hair looks that good, you should be in a good mood. My good hair days totally set the tone for an entire day. You can throw anything at me if my hair is cute. 

 

I’m wondering if it’s maybe because your boyfriend went from darling to douchebag in zero to sixty. Which is usually a good reason to feel sad, but let’s take a closer look at the situation. Not only are you having a good hair day, but you’re mostly pulling off a shade of chartreuse, your eye makeup didn’t budge while you were crying and after having a good bathroom cry, you actually confronted him while still looking cute.

And wearing that belt! (the braided detail is killing me. I love it). While most girls would have raccoon eyes and wearing ice cream stained sweatpants, you are still looking fab and pulled together. Laurel honey, hold your head high and turn that frown upside down. 

 

Char continues on with her Real Housewives of the Previous Decades trend. Fortunately, she’s not hosting a party in a home that heavily features shag carpeting. No, with the 70s cocktails firmly in last week, she’s once again pulling out an updo and jacket that’d make any politician from the 1960s on proud. She could be a First Lady in that. 

 

Thank heavens for plotless, sidekick Mads with her age appropriate leather jacket and animal print.

She’s just channelling awesome, while Emma and Char plan a lunch for the Ladies’ Society of Arroyo. 

 

At least Emma tried to make it a bit more modern with dress shorts a booties. 

Yeah, I’d make that sadface too if I thought these were my last hours with that closet full of magic.