It wouldn’t be a true episode of Revenge(!!!) without an insult laden conversation between Emily and Victoria. At this point, they’re more than comical – they’re just hilariously over the top.


%image_alt%

 

%image_alt%

My point exactly.

 

%image_alt%

So, Tyler’s older brother looks OLD. I mean, in his mid to late thirties. Could Tyler’s mental unbalance be the result of being an accident that no one wanted around? Naw, I mean Tyler can’t be that young, right?

 

%image_alt%

He’s 21!!?!? Excuse me while I go feel old somewhere. Maybe in this whiskey bottle I happen to have on hand, and have been legally able to purchase for the last 8 years. ::sigh::

 

%image_alt%

Oh, what’s that? A popless-collared Nolan caught off guard by a home intruder? Hmm, I wonder who that could be? Certainly no one you’d have to keep an eye on because your iPad wouldn’t possibly lie to you.

 

%image_alt%

Wait, sorry my bad, it was the guy you’ve been monitoring by GPS because he’s a danger to society and has murderous tendencies. Oh, and he’s brought a knife to the party! Well, aren’t you in for quite an afternoon after letting your guard down, Mr. Ross.

 

A word of advice to all y’all:

%image_alt%

 

Otherwise, this happens:

%image_alt%

 

The only real shots of Charlotte and Declan this week were dismal. I know you can’t see it, but that dress Charlotte is wearing was totally no flattering. It was all bunchy and not in a fun way. This is the girl who rocks a romper on the regular – I don’t get this fashion choice. Maybe to clash with her mom who looks seductively matronly in this silk, floral number? At least you know it’s a real party because Conrad is wearing pastel. Work it out, Connie!

%image_alt%

 

Oh Jack, you salty sea dog. He’s got his pick of the ladies and, as much as I’m loathe to admit it, Fauxmanda is attractive. How did this sad sack go from confirmed bachelor to downtown player? Oh right, the whole “sexy as all hell” thing he’s got going on. As an aside, I’ve bought more henleys and long sleeve waffle print shirts since watching this show than I have in my entire life. Thanks, Jack!

%image_alt%

 

Again, Ashley is a stunner and this is the only full screen shot I could muster. The floor length Bohemian skirt? Amaze. The gold halter? Walking sex. The canary yellow handbag? DEAD. I’ve decided that I need to be friends with Ashley – real life or Hamptons version. I don’t care. But I know I could pound drinks with her for hours.

%image_alt%

 

So, my friend recently started watching Revenge(!!!) after I kept insisting and making him read our recaps on YKYLF. Last night, he ripped through the first three episodes and could not stop gushing over how, “Emily might be the most attractive woman [he’s] ever seen”. And we all know it only gets better. For example: LOOK AT THIS DRESS. If that’s not nautical perfection, then I’m a blind man who’s never looked at fashion magazine or boat in my life. Sure, I love the stripes to be a little more bold, but I can’t take away the fact that she is on fire right now.

%image_alt%

I also think she’s a witch. Who else can spend an afternoon building a seaweed fire on the beach, and an evening at a clambake and STILL have perfectly straight hair? Witches, that’s who.