Serena so rarely straightens her Goldilocks, but when she does it works. Blue and grey make a wonderful contrast, but I’m on the fence about that blazer. A block blue pattern would be nicer than apparently trying to blend the colours of her hair into the jacket, but the cut is lovely.


Dan’s brown coat, appropriate for the season but not for my censorious tongue. Don’t cater waiters get paid? Paid enough to buy a new coat?


Trying to educate Rufus on opera is no easy task, but that’s no excuse for sloppy dressing. What is Jenny wearing round her neck? A necklace? A chain? A piece of wire? And I’d kill to put some colour back in her clothing.

Eric is the only male on the Upper East Side who knows how to wear a school uniform, it seems: no slouchy tie and properly pressed khakis. Snaps to Eric!


Chosen for the facial expression. Come into my parlour, Nathaniel…


Simplicity suits Vanessa, whose heather grey sweater goes nicely with the silver buttons on her coat. Her hair obscures whatever hellish things are dangling from her earlobes, which can only be a plus.


I wore a velvet dress when I was five, to have my picture taken. Nowadays, my evening wear is shorter and slinkier. Vanessa seems to have never made the upgrade, and pairing gold hoop earrings with an ornate silver necklace is a serious no-no. And she really ought to have put her hair up.

Nate should never do the season one slicked hair thing, but his wingtip collar is covetable – meaning I shall steal it and attach it to the next man I see.


I may attach it to Dan Humphrey, wearer of the most boring suit in the history of mankind. And does his girlfriend dress to match?


No, because she has a brain.

The bodice of this dress cannot accommodate the might of the van der Boobsens. The empire line falls into a tight, obi-style waistband which then flares out in a skirt, very avant garde and utterly gorgeous. The shoes, however, make me drool.


Serena’s casual wear doesn’t tend to be comfortable, but this striped Henley fits the bill, and I’m sure the blood circulation in her legs is used to omnipresent pressure from her skinny jeans by now.


Striped jumper and jeans. Dan’s masculine version of Serena’s outfit is actually acceptable, though his fondness for uninvited Phantom of the Opera Miss Carr definitely needs to go.