While Dan is off not loading bales of hay, Max straight-up blackmails ChIvy, asking for half a million dollars in hopes of having a blazer for every day of the year.

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ChIvy of course calls Carol, who just got back from arts-and-crafts time at the Y. Today’s project: glue four different necklaces into one!

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Let’s check in on the rest of the Rhodes clan. Serena’s in bed “working” on her “blog” and, as you do, hangs out in layers of bling, fabric, and cleavage.

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I guess she didn’t get the “on Fridays we wear purple” memo, but Lily and Cece did. They’re class all the way with fabulous textures and perfect details, like Cece’s scarf.

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Oh, maybe the memo said “On Fridays we wear purple or maroon” because here’s ChIvy in an autumnal sweater that compliments cousin Serena’s blogging dress. I don’t hate it, but…meh. It feels too “IT’S FALL AND HERE ARE FALL COLORS” to me.

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Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the biggest gossip girl of all?

Again with the red! There is a ton of it in this episode, and CeCe’s classic chunk-of-rock earings keep that trend going. Also, please note purple nailpolish to go with the purple dress we just saw. Oh, to be a Rhodes girl!

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The blast from the past is alive and well. Does Lily ever look flawed? And as for Rufus, lovin’ the gold chain, man. Groovy.

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Gah! Is Carol’s dress for a four shouldered woman, or do her elbows need to support the dress also? However, I do love her matching bracelets. Very simple, yet effective. Also a wee bit Wonder Woman, except we know she’d crumble under a lasso of truth.

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You know who doesn’t crumble? ChIvy. She’s cool under pressure, no matter how hot it gets. Dare I say, she’s Icy Hot. We’ll save Serena’s outfit for later, but thoughts on Icy Hot’s off-shoulder dress? She has the apparent mandatory gold, which I’m groovin to, but the skin-toned outfit itself can be considered a hit or miss.

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It’s a bird!

It’s a plane!

It’s King Midas’s gold mistress! It’s the alternate Bond villian from “Goldfinger!” It’s… yeah the comments are endless here but really, only Serena can pull off an outfit like this. As for her hair, it’s a fan-interactive segement this week on YKYLF, so insert your own electrical socket joke here.

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The award of the night? It must go to CeCe and her effortlessly cool metallic jumpsuit. May I look half as good when I’m 70-ish (except, you know, more like a dude and less like a woman).

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Eventually, the shiz goes down… as Max tries to expose ChIvy for who she really is. With that top he looks less like a scheming blackmailer and more like he’s going to teach English 101 at the local SUNY college.

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But Icy Hot doesn’t care about the money – she has a family now, which is worth much more to her.

“I’m a Rhodes now,” she says, which means that bitch is basically untouchable (and bitch is the new black. Or purple. Or maroon?)

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