I hope you wore a scarf this week, because temperatures around Emily and Queen Vic were sub-zero. I haven’t seen acting that was so naturally bitchy in a very long time. I bet Emily Van Camp and Madeline Stowe actually hate each other. Anyway, Vic had some brass ones this week because she marched over to Emily’s, went inside, and did the whole, “I know girls like you” speech that’s in every early 90s movie. Girl, why don’t you just call her out, gank that weave, and settle it like drag queens?

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“Thank you for coming to my party, draped all over my son that I have a stronger-than-most attachment to, Emily.”

“You’re welcome, you two-timing harpie. Enjoy your last few days of living without the crushing knowledge that your ex-lover’s daughter systematically destroyed your life.”

*dramatization – may not have happened

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This kind of aggression is so passive, it even got to Emily, who had to dial the mysterious “X”. Who could it be? Clearly, someone dangerous. And mysterious. Mysteriously dangerous, if you will. Uhhhhh – I love the dramatic tension! 

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OK, back to the clothing! The huge, comfy, buttony sweater that Emily wore at the top of the episode is now on my Want list. Or something to that effect, at least. I suppose it’s the winter season that’s got me craving knitwear, but that sweater just looks like amazatrons. Too bad she ditched it in favour of this weird tribal inspired top with the wooden beads. Sorry darlin’, I’m not into that. 

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They brought Lydia back only to have her constantly in white? Where’s my party girl!? Yeah, she fell about 8 stories and survived, but why should that keep her from wearing a peppy robe with a retro pattern? The scalloped cardigan isn’t awful, but it’s a little matronly.

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You know, this was getting a little too, “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” for me. I’m glad Lyds is out of Grayson Manor. Anyone else find it funny that Vic was trying to hide Lydia, but kept her in the ground floor suite? Like, “pay no attention to the invalid behind the curtain” territory. Maybe she thought her purple dress would distract everyone – too bad we’ve seen it before.

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Yeah, this broad is officially crazy. Why? SNAKESKIN PURSE – that’s why.

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And apparently, when you’re in juvie brushing your hair is against regulations. 

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So, who knocked it out of the park for the ladies this week? Ashley, obviously! Coral is such an amazing colour on her, and pairing something fun and light with a heavy industrial piece like her necklace was amazing. I’d hire her for just about anything if she walked into my office like that. Plus, the striped skirt is really effin’ cute. My only qualm this week is the $5000-fraud alert “dress” she’s wearing. We’re all seeing an oversized doily, right? And while I love the edgy necklace, the matching earrings are sort of like Dominatrix-Hits-The Hamptons with her outfit.

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Oh Charlotte, don’t ever change. You just might be the cutest… umm… however old you are teen on television. Don’t get me wrong, I love my PLL girls to the max, but Charlotte rocks a floral 70s aesthetic that I’m really into right now. It’s all good, except for that damn purse.

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In the words of Queen Vic, “Tonight’s the night for what, dear?”

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Oh. I see. You’ve got that, “I’m a virgin who’s going to have sex with my new boyfriend” look in your eye. I haven’t seen that look in years – carry on, you two. Stay safe!

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