Oh. My. Dramz. You guys, how good was this? I mean, on a scale of 1 to Delicious? There was intrigue, duplicity, treachery… all of which are episode titles. OK, so the writers aren’t exactly subtle. That’s fine, because I was too busy watching Crazypants Tyler spiral out of control. In fact, spiraling is a great visual because Queen Vic is caught in a spiral of guilt, Emily is afraid her intricate plot for revenge(!!!) is spiraling out of control, Fauxmanda is clearly trapped in a skank spiral, and Nolan has spiraled his way even further into our hearts. So, with secrets like Fauxmanda’s coming clean (about her [fake] past), and Tyler’s weird sexual ambiguity (that I totally called) coming to a head, it looks like we’re building for some serious Red Sharpie of Doom(!!!) action. Wow, I am clearly in a parentheses spiral. I had to get one more in.

 

Well, Editor Jen was right, this green screen business drove me a little batty this week. But, looking back, it’s kind of hilarious. Queen Vic is sitting up in her Plotting Balcony being all, “I’m in the Hamptons!”, when she’s probably standing on a box in a soundstage somewhere on the West Coast. Seriously, watch the episode again and listen to the dialogue. Emily says something like, “…it’s so beautiful”, and then you realize the actors are looking at blank wall. Ah, the magique of television. 

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Alright, who is this woman? Are the Graysons’ running a halfway house for the rich and bored? She’s clearly intruding on the meeting Conrad, Daniel, and Crazypants are having – and it looks like she just came from Grey Gardens. Lady, a fluorescent pink hat is not going to help you blend into the background. 

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Man, why couldn’t Emily’s dad have stayed alive. Stone cold fox. Although, maybe he is alive? Maybe this is all some sort of elaborate revenge(!!!) on his part for Emily screwing up his affair with Queen Vic? Maybe I’ve gotten wrapped up in conspiracy theories since watching this program… 

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Ah yes, Flashback Vic – she wears white because she was innocent back then. That style of dress is quite flattering, and she always looks like a million dollar bill, but shouldn’t the costume department change up Victoria’s wardrobe once in a while? Let’s see her in something more loose and relaxed. No wonder she’s uptight all the time. 

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Hey! Conrad! You’re not wearing the same suit for the whole episode which can only mean one thing: a Grayson Soiree! I enjoy his burgundy tie to the right; it’s very ‘Wall Street’ after the Gecko effect. 

“Get the hell out of my house, you hippies!” – Conrad Grayson 

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Winning the Adorable Award this week is none other than feisty troublemaker, Declan! A round of applause for the little guy who won’t quit until he nails himself a rich piece. OK, that was low. I mean, he did prove that he loves Charlotte with or without her cash… picking up $25,000 on the side is just a perk, right? Just imagine all of the American Apparel tanks and hoodies he’ll be able to buy now! FYI, I have that tank top only in a grey stripe pattern, and yes, Declan wears it better.

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Actually, forget American Apparel, they can go straight to the safari shirt outlet where Jack clearly has something in every colour. So, Vic and Jack essentially wear the same clothing every week, but in different shades. Now I don’t know if I should chastise the costume department or buy them a drink for their manic consistency.

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When he’s not behind the bar – and we can see his pants – Jack is actually a J.Crew model. And he looks damn fine doing so. The deck shoes and cuffed jeans are impeccable. If it wasn’t for Nolan burnin’ down the house this week, I’d pick Jack as my fav.

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Oh that crafty bitch… wearing the same shirt as Jack to win his affections? That’s a pro move. Why can’t he see the crazy? Why!? She sounds like she has peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth forever.

Jakjhgkjasd[fck, I loaksjhgheve yalkshgkjasou.” – Fauxmanda

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