I love when an episode opens with one of Blair’s dream sequences. In this case, she’s Audrey Hepburn from Sabrina, and Chuck is playing Humphrey Bogart’s Linus.

 

I don’t care what Sabrina says, I love men in white jackets at night. Particularly when paired with a black bowtie, champagne, and some bad boy charm.

 

Blair’s sleepwear never fails to impress. It’s not the negligee she used to sleep in, but the girl’s pregnant, so I’m going to cut her some slack. Plus, in the event of a fire, she can throw this on over some skinny jeans and look cute for the paparazzi as she flees the burning building.

 

I have to rescind much of what I said in the mini-recap. Upon a second, viewing, there were a lot of clothes that had potential for “Best Outfit.” This dress is really cute, particularly with the dark tights. I always thought the best you could hope for with leopard print was “non-offensive,” but apparently it can look downright classic when it’s black and white. I still wish it were more fitted, but since Blair’s caught Louis’s tailoring allergy, this might be the best we can get.

I am not on board with the hat, though. It’s in bad taste to feed the ducks when you’re accessorizing with feathers.

 

Again, on rewatching (and a little Photoshop lightening), I really like this dress. Maybe I like it partly because, at this point, I’m just happy to see Blair in something form-fitting. Of course, they could have at least thrown in a tiny baby bump, or padded her a little. Leighton is tiny. She has a little Barbie waist. There is nowhere for her to store a baby.

Until they start giving her a baby bump, I’m going to assume she’s pulling a Teri Schuester and pretending to be pregnant, because Blair loves to self-sabotage in the most insane ways.

 

I love the banding embellishments around the neckline and the arms. I’m not sure about the rest of the embellishment patterns, because even Photoshop couldn’t lighten these images enough for me to make a final decision, but this dress has definitely made up for some of the more lackluster offerings from Blair’s pregnancy. I’m not excusing those dresses (or those awful brown pants), but at least she’s reminding me of why I once coveted her closet.

 

I am beginning to suspect that Chuck might have completely lost his mind. Exhibit A: Chuck is touching a duck. No sane person would touch a Central Park duck – at least, not with their bare hands. And not with that big of a smile.

 

Exhibit B: Chuck is wiping his hand on his suit. Yeah. Think about that for a second. And it’s not a fluke, either. He wipes his hand on his suit repeatedly. I know he can get it cleaned and everything, but he’s still walking around in it for the rest of the day, covered in duck cooties.

 

But, because he’s Chuck, he still manages to pull together a sharp outfit in the midst of madness. Another classic Chuck suit. He’s rapidly redeeming himself for his terrible Wall Street wardrobe from a couple seasons ago.

 

Again, how did I miss this for Best Outfit? This is a suit covered in fleurs-de-lis, with a purple oxford, purple tie, and purple socks.

 

And a matching vest. Yeah, that’s right. A three piece fleurs-de-lis suit. I rarely use this term, but how pimp is that?

 

And, of course, Blair’s Venn Diagram comparing Old and New Chuck. It sums his character up pretty well, except for the overlap – I refuse to believe that Chuck Bass likes cheap liquor or anything less than 800 thread count sheets.

 

Oh, Rufus. You were doing so well, right up until you got to the hem of your jeans. Yes, those are nice shoes, but we don’t need to see the tops of them. Unroll your pants, you’re not in Brooklyn anymore.

I was so excited to see Lily. This season has been lacking in Upper East Side iciness. And once I saw her petal pink top, I was excited to see the rest of her outfit.

Sure, the huge ring is kind of random, but it’s Lily van der Woodsen Bass Humphrey. She knows what she’s doing.

 

Or so I thought.

 

“Hm,” I thought to myself. “It’s a dress. And it’s kind of roomy. I’m not sure how I feel about this development.”

Oh, Lily, no. You’re better than that. Is Lily pregnant and they just haven’t bothered to tell us? Is she incubating Blair’s baby for the evening while Blair goes out in a tight dress? Why is this happening? I’m so confused and frightened.

 

There’s only person who can properly express my feelings right now. I know she’s on another show, but I think it’s time to call in a SideEye Strike for Lily and her tent dress.

When I saw Lily’s dress, at first I was like this:

But then I was like this:

Don’t let it happen again, Lily.

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