In this week’s TSWLSR (we love our acronyms here on YKYLF!), someone gets shot in the leg with a crossbow – but alas they did not end up in a murder trunk (I think that ship truly has sailed, sadly).

This week’s episodes:
Hart of Dixie: “The Crush and the Crossbow”
Ringer: “Shut Up and Eat Your Bologna”

(How are those titles for completely crazy?! Or, as Zoe Hart would say, “banana balls”)

 

Back to Bluebell…

Zoe has decided she needs to get back into the dating scene. Trouble is there are no single, attractive men in Bluebell, AL. Ahem, let me rephrase: there are many attractive men but alas they are either taken (George), immature (Wade), or still stuck on their ex (Levon). Zoe, I hate to break it to you, but men are like that in the city too.

Then, in typical television show fashion, just as she is complaining about this, a tall drink of veterinarian pops into the clinic from Mobile and asks her out to dinner:

%image_alt%

Yowza. I’d consider buying an entire farm full of animals just so I could see that walking down my lane every week. Except, his name is Jetson? Really?
[No, it’s Judson! Thanks to YKYLF Reader Izalika for pointing that out. – Jen]

Zoe gets so nervous over the date that she ends up standing him up at the last minute. What?! I thought doctors were supposed to be smart, y’all! Although we do get to see her being super cute and OCD by making “flash cards” with conversation points beforehand to prepare (my personal fav: “Do you think it’s ok for doctors to wear shorts?”). It’s too bad she does this in a shirt made from mustard-coloured carpet with sparkle chevrons all over it.

%image_alt%

Ugh, this shirt is not flattering, which on someone of Rachel Bilson’s size and beauty is saying something. The colour is really strange and it just has no shape or style at all.

 

I’m also not sure I like her opening/1st third of the episode outfit:

%image_alt%

I can’t decide if it says “Troop Beverly Hills” or “Barf-Coloured Star Trek Uniform” to me. I like the shape – it looks good on her – there is just something about it I’m not a fan of. I’m probably just secretly jealous of her tiny lower body and I’m taking it out on the clothes (but that’s another blog post).

 

I am more of a fan of her 2nd look in the middle section of the episode, although it is remarkably similar to an outfit she wore last week (I know, how rude, right?):

%image_alt%

I think it’s classy but still casual – perfect for going on a date stroll with ice cream and someone else’s fiance whom you secretly love (and who clearly secretly loves you too). Yikes, what is in the water in that town anyway? Everyone has secret love-ons for each other. Too much swamp juice? I have to say her booties are a little chunky for my liking – they are a tad lobster-claw-Lady-Gaga-Bad-Romance-ish. I feel for her and her short legs, though – we midget ladies have to suffer through wearing lobster-claw shoes just to be able to look normal-sized people in the eye. Don’t judge us.

 

Meanwhile, Lemon and Levon put their past behind them to co-host what I think is the most ridiculous event I have ever heard of in my life – the Black Tie Turtle Derby. Sounds like an excuse to dress up and drink martinis if I ever heard one. The best thing about the event was getting to hear fun turtle/fashion puns (“they are turtle-neck to turtle-neck!”). Oh, that and Levon in a tux:

%image_alt%

I did mention earlier that he is available, did I not? Oh but wait, he’s still in love with Ms. Arts-and-Crafts-1958 over there. Her turtle derby outfit is actually somewhat stylish – I love her hat/fascinator, her dress is a nice shape and colour, and her makeup and hair are lovely. But what is with that necklace? It looks like a doily she grabbed off the couch on the way out the door! As usual she piles on the accessories as if she’s evacuating from the Titanic.

 

Much worse is when she shows up to a turtle-derby planning meeting looking like a Golden Girl. Look, I love yellow – it actually happens to be my favourite colour – but some shades of yellow are just not flattering on many people. Beside yellow chiffon ruffles are just too much – especially with the black necklace and bright red lips and the dark brows.

%image_alt%

Just because your name is Lemon doesn’t mean you have to look like a fruit tart. Someone needs to get this girl an accessories organizer because clearly she has nowhere else to store her stuff except on her head and neck.

Zoe ends up going out with Dr. Dreamy after all, George and Wade realize they both have feelings for Zoe, Levon admits to Lemon that he still loves her, and the uppity Junior League head, Delia, throws the turtle race so that hers wins – did anyone honestly not see ANY of these things coming? 

 

Now, it’s time to talk about Ringer!

So, as we learned last week, Siobhan’s bologna has a first name and it’s C.H.A.R.L.I.E. (see what I did there? Ok so the rhythm isn’t bang on, but just go with it). But Bridget and Malcolm are starting to get suspicious and did a lot of snooping and sneaking this week to try and put the pieces together.

%image_alt%

Bridget starts off the episode in a cute teal-blue leather jacket with a printed scarf – a little matchy-matchy but still stylish. I like the colour combo of teal-brown-pink. What is NOT stylish is her shoulder-bag that appears to have beetles stuck all over it. I am with Sylvia on the SMG hair-envy – I am so jealous of her bouncy, slightly messy ponytail, in fact of all of her hair-do’s on this show. I now can’t decide whose hair I want to steal more – hers or Zooey’s!

 

Bridget decides she doesn’t want the gun in the apartment anymore, so she gives it to her trusted “sponsor” Charlie (who is actually “Siobhan’s minion” Charlie) – only later she realizes her stupidity and tries to get it back from him while wearing a cozy grey sweater:

%image_alt%

This is a perfect cup-o-coffee with a friend sweater, and the sparkly blingy necklace is a smashing counterpoint – it’s sophisticated but in a laid-back way, as if to send the message “I’m not suspicious of you, I’m just your buddy, sharing a cup of coffee”. Of course, the real reason she’s out with him is so Malcolm can snoop around his house in Brooklyn.

Oh, speaking of – Gemma is not dead! Minion Charlie is holding her captive in his basement! Malcolm was *thisclose* to unlocking the door and finding her – but I Bridge’s cozy-buddy sweater was not enough to hold Charlie’s attention and Malcolm had to get the heck outta Dodge.

 

Meanwhile, Siobhan is getting all cozy in her new Parisien lifestyle – well, at least she was until Tyler dumped her. She must be suffering really bad now because it appears she has resorted to working as a waitress in the hotel:

%image_alt%

That neckpiece looks like something she stole out of a display case at the natural history museum. A giant moth, perhaps? Actually, the whole ensemble is rather Chanel. Karl Lagerfeld would totally make a neckpiece out of a giant, extinct moth, don’t you think?  I guess if we see a giant exotic insect theme permeating the next Chanel Resort collection, we know that KL read this recap and stole the idea. I’m sorry in advance.

The episode ended with Bridge and Malcolm find out Charlie is playing them, Charlie finds out Bridge is on to him, Malcolm finds out Charlie is hiding something in his house, and Olivia finds out Siobhan and Henry had an affair. That’s everything, right? I mean, how can there possibly be any more secrets left to reveal?

 

Time to vote, sweet pea…