This week’s installment had killer strippers, sugar-free margaritas, gay hustlers, restraining orders, and social-climbing sociopaths. Emily calls the warden of her former juvie facility, who appears to have been her mentor, and who’s got her back. Since she’s so busy with that biz-nas, she gets Nolan to handle Tyler solo. I don’t think Nolan’s actions are quite what she meant, as he is quite literally handled by Tyler. Frank manages to track down Real Emily Thorne, working at the world’s most modest strip club. Things don’t look so good for the Dangerous Duo, until Real Emily Thorn totally kills Frank with a crowbar. But murders aren’t all fatal on Revenge (!!!) as comatose Lydia is waking up. She better have amnesia, that’s the only thing missing from this show at this point.

 

Before we get into the clothes, I need to teach you how to properly say the show’s title. Grit your teeth, clench one fist and raise it to shoulder-height, palm side facing you. Shake fist three times as you vow to take “REVENGE” (!!!)

Good job. One fabulous recap, coming up!

So, the episode starts with a celebration of Queen Victoria’s 25-year marriage to Conrad. Don’t they look so totes happy and in luuurve? Colour-coordinated with the white and the black and the grey. Cosmo’s body language expert says: These do not look at all like two people who actively despise one another!

 

It’s really weird that The New York Times features a gigantic article about the wedding anniversary of two Hampton-ites, and above the fold, too! However, apparently the Graysons are like the the Hamptons version of the British royal family, because suddenly Daniel’s relationship with Emily is being promoted like the US version of Wills & Kate:

 

Queen V is not so impressed with Grayson, Jr. stealing the spotlight from the story about her “happy” “marriage”. I like the lace trim on her tee here, it’s like her version of casualwear:

 

What’s black and white and evil all over? Victoria, in this week’s episode! Love this neckline:

 

You can tell these next two outfits are in flashbacks because they take place during her beige phase:

 

So then, what does it mean at the end, when she’s in this amazeballs beige negligee? Or I guess when it’s a negligee, you’re supposed to call it “nude” and not “beige.” It’s the perfect thing to wear when standing contemplatively on the Plotting Balcony of your mansion, thinking about all of your past misdeeds. While hearing your former lover (?) and security guard being TOTALLY MURDERED BY A STRIPPER (oops, is that a spoiler?)

 

King Conrad continues to wear very well-cut (and therefore quite boring) suits and ties. I did like his take on “casualwear” (worn in the same scene at Victoria’s “t-shirt”):

 

Remember how Daniel was cut off from his family money, and that’s why he had to start working at Jack’s bar? I don’t think his parents remember that, as he hangs out with Queen V and King C with no awkwardness whatsoever.

He’s also a lot cuter than I remember. I guess being in luuurve (even if your GF is actually a crazy psycho probably using you as part of her long-term REVENGE [!!!] plans) suits him?

 

And maybe Pan Am hasn’t paid attention to our pleas for more shirtless hotties, but Daniel obliges us this week, frolicking adorably with Emily in the surf:

Is that… a tattoo of words, going up his right side? Is that a Daniel-tattoo or a tattoo that the actor has? Somebody google this for me, thx.

 

Here’s the front view of Daniel’s shirtlessness (along with an uncharacteristically relaxed, happy Emily) post-beach frolic:

Hmm… I like where they’re going with this shirtlessness, but they need to stop half-hiding Daniel so we can figure out where he fits on the YKYLF Hierarchy of Shirtless Men (currently Jason from True Blood is tied for the lead with Caleb from Pretty Little Liars). 

 

And the forgotten member of the Grayson clan, Charlotte, pulls out some cute outfits this week. However, first I’d like to point out how, when she’s being interviewed by the Times reporter, Victoria is like “The birth of our beloved son, Daniel, cemented our loving marriage. Oh, and Charlotte too, I guess. Whatevs.”

Remember Charlotte was hating her mother? Yeah, I think she forgot about that, too. Anyway, this white top is charming and age-appropriate:

 

And what does a socialite wear for a day of power-shopping, followed by visiting your boo where he’s shucking oysters on the pier? I guess this ruffly top will do, although I don’t get why so many people are wearing white pants this week. Am I the only one who would never wear white pants, because of how I just know I’d accidentally sit in a pile of ketchup mixed with grass stains?

 

And finally, her dress for her ‘rents anniversary dinner is also really cute. Love the sparkly detail up top:

 

And here’s the happy couple, at the conclusion of their not-at-all-catastrophic anniversary dinner party:

Can you feel the love tonight? … no?