Episode Synopsis: So, the Vengeful Duo seem to be in a sticky spot this week. Why’s that? Oh, no reason… except that Frank is basically a supercop. Emily did not know what she was tangling with there. Perhaps the RED SHARPIE OF DOOM(!!!) will find a new victim? Of course, that means she’ll need a new photo. I suggest a topless photo shoot because y’all know that Frank is chiseled. But until that happens, Emily is busy balancing her fauxmance with Daniel, her deep desire for Jack, and her raging hatred for Creepy Tyler (who’s apparently a roofie queen). So, while Queen Vic and Conrad deal with Lyds taking a tumble into a taxi, Ashley is planning yet another Hamptons Gala, Charlotte slums it for reals with Declan, Nolan pops his collar, and we are satisfied with soapy dramz for another week. Sweet Fancy Moses, I love this show.

 

Why Conrad Grayson, who would have thought you’d fully embrace your WASPy-ness with a kicky sweater tied ‘round your neck? It’s a nice change of pace from your dour business suits that leave a lot to be desired. P dot S, that’s a two hour commute every time you head back to NYC to “tidy things up” – WTF? Plus, you’re offering your jet, I repeat, your JET, to Frank for a getaway vehicle? Girl, your carbon footprint is atrocious. 

 

See, even Frank is pissed. Although, that may have to deal with his dismissal. OK, so he tried to killed Lydia, who is still alive through a major soap opera miracle. Semantics. Sidebar: you KNOW she’s coming back to mess shit up. Frank, as one dude to another, take the money and buy a suit outside of the grey family… then run.

 

In the last few episodes, I’ve started to feel slightly sad about Daniel’s character because, you know, he gets iced on the beach. That was until I saw this outfit – white pants? I’ll shoot you right now, sister. You’re not going to Diddy’s White Party (obviously), so there’s no need to have white pants. At least his blazer is banging and the shirt is a great colour for a dinner date. But that set of pants, y’all – I’m done.

 

Two things here:

1. I thought Daddykins cut you off? Either you’re snorting a LOT of coke later, or being “cut off” in the Grayson family means only having one gigantic wad of bills to carry around. 

2. What’s the fascination with cream-coloured fashion this week? Take that Members Only tragedy and buy yourself a little something in an earth tone. If LL Bean and J.Crew had a drunken one night stand, Daniel would watch from the corner.

 

And at the other end of the spectrum, we have Jack who clearly has a monopoly on double breast-pocket shirts. You know, Jack…there’s only so much you can put in your pockets. Do you always need two on the chest? Leave the towel though, it’ll come in handy when you sob about being the most eligible man in town who can’t seem to score a single piece of action.

 

Yeah, right here is a perfect time to lean on that bar towel. And against a backdrop of what my roommate (a visual effects designer) called, “really poorly composited” fireworks. Sigh. How embarrassing.

 

Frankly, Jack needs to take lessons from his broham, Nolan. As fellow YKYLF staffer Ann F. pointed out, he’s clearly more relaxed in this scene because of the limp collar. I like to think that Nolan has a strict rule about his collars like, “Not a single collar shall be popped before 4 p.m.”, or something like that

 

Come on you guys… look at yourselves! Nolan – you’re adorable, even with your Jonas throwback hair. But Jack, honey, you knew you were going to the Grayson’s and you didn’t even change your shirt? GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH YOU HANDSOME BASTARD.

 

Don’t even get me started on Declan this week. I will say that I like his t-shirt/sweatshirt thing he’s working in this shot. At first, I thought it was a 3/4 length sleeve which would have made me lose my mind; I love baseball tees. But on closer inspection, I realized he’s probably just really, really tiny. You have to give him credit though – reading “The Journal” before heading to the party? While wearing the finest American Apparel has to offer? Ballsy.

 

Even more ballsy was his lobster theft. Child, I grew up on the east coast of everything (the US, Ireland, Canada) and I can guarantee you that stealing from a lobster trap will result in you getting a hand cut-off like Jasmine (almost) did in “Aladdin”.

 

So, I think I’m going to hand out a YKYLF Award this week for “Best Interpretation of a Sociopathic Crazy Pants” to none other than Creepy Tyler! Shall we take a closer look?

You would have to be cray cray to wear that tie. What the hell is that? I imagined a bolo tie designer thinking, “I need to get into fabrics!”, before that came into the world. Trash it, fool. 

 

If you’re going to be snide at dinner, you might as well wear a camel blazer and pale blue shirt. Truth: I really like this look. Only for the summer of course, but I think the colour pallette is clean, pressed and preppy, and basically looks good on anyone.

 

And then…

 

This is where shit got reals. What’s with the sassy hand on the hip? Angry that your man-crush is in love with a filthy rich evil genius with flawless hair no matter what time of day or situation she finds herself? Mmhmm. Oh, so angry that you CONCUSS yourself? I actually thought he would try to push the house over in a fit of rejected closet case rage, but he just banged his head. And if you think I’m on the wrong track with Tyler being part of the Velvet Mafia, well…

I rest my case.