This shortened recap originally appeared on 9/30/11 as part of our “Champagne Sorrows” Screening Room series

Oh man. Wealthy summers in the Hamptons look dreamy (polo! giant sail boats! expensive picnics!) and a little bit sordid (stock market scandal!). I love it. This champagne is full of soap suds and I love every cheesy minute of it. A quick note to ABC execs: please keep this one around for me. I need this kind of show in my life right now. And it makes up for the fact I wasn’t allowed to watch Dynasty or Dallas back in their heyday. 

 

Let’s start with Emily’s British party planning friend. I can’t remember her name and I don’t care. You see? I’d make a fabulous wealthy person! I don’t need to know the help’s name!

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Okay, I do know her name. It’s Ashley. And while the choice of salmon was great colour wise, it was ill-advised when it came to fit. That’s just hanging all wrong on her. Made more obvious by Mysteriously and Wealthy Emily Thorne who is killing it in the blue cocktail dress.

 

I’m not sure if Queen Victoria wants the dirt on her because Emily’s talking to her son or because she’s worried this gal is going to be dressed better than her all summer. I mean, Victoria really didn’t try that hard for the polo game.

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Although, I suppose when you’re that wealthy (her summer home is the size of my neighbourhood), you don’t need to try hard. You just are and everyone lives in fear of you and your expensive sheath dresses. She does colour well.

 

Better than her daughter Charlie, who’s bored rich girl routine is kind of boring.

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Seriously Charlie? We’ve already talked about how your summer home is bigger than my neighbourhood. Get a backbone, tell douchey boyfriend to take a hike and go slumming. (Although, I really must thank douchey boyfriend for the best insult of threat of the night: “stay on your own side of the economy, dock rat.”). 

 

Victoria won’t be happy about this, but fellow YKYLF staffer Anthony might be: the exiled Lydia isn’t quite gone. She’s back in the city and looks hungry for both money and a cheeseburger:

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Nice colour dress though, Lydia. 

 

The dudes of the show…well, they’re all over the map. The brothers/local boys? Not really trying. 

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I’m sure they’re too good to put on a shirt without wrinkles. Whatevs. Besides, Jack and Sammy are both relying on puppy dog eyes (figuratively and literally) to work their way into Emily’s heart.

 

However, it’s not like I want them to dress like Daniel Grayson. I just wish they’d try a little harder. Speaking of Daniel, he could be a little less ho hum. 

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Both of the Grayson kids need a backbone. Because while Daniel’s outfit is perfectly acceptable (Emily looks lovely though for a beach picnic), dollars to donuts Victoria buys his clothes for him. His family probably decided on everything he does…which is why Emily is going to fall for him first. Because he’s so hard done by (Seriously. Being rich is hard). 

 

The man of the hour is Nolan and his popped double collars.

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I admire his committment to preppy. When the dude decides on a look, he commits to it fully. And this? So early Chuck Bass. There’s something underhanded about you Nolan that I like. Keep it up.

 

Meanwhile, an amazing moment in the episode was the Most Passive Aggressive Tea Party Ever.

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“You were on the equestrian team?”

“Yes, in Barcelona. Why?”

“Oh, you know, I rode steeplechase at Mont Somethingfancy. Just making idle conversations and mental notes so as to take you down later bitch.”

“That’s cool, because I look better than you and I’m taking you and your friends down one by one. No bigs.”

 

But seriously. Emily did look better. Let’s get a second look at her dress, shall we?

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Yeah, I’m pretty much in love with that dress. 

 

Because while this may be girlfriend’s first summer as an adult in the Hamptons, she did her homework and is doing the lady of leisure look quite well. Even her casual outfits have that air of perfect you rarely see outside of an episode of Martha Stewart Living:

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Seriously. She could take Martha on in that outfit. Although, I am disappointed that Nolan didn’t got the entire episode in popped collars and plaid. Maybe next week.