So here’s the scoop this week: All of the lies pile on top of each other until Emma, Thayer and Ethan can’t keep track of who knows what. It’s like an angstier version of a Shakespearean comedy as everybody misunderstands everything – Char thinks Ethan is cheating on Sutton with someone called Emma, Mads thinks Emma slept with Thayer, Emma thinks Ethan is still hung up on Sutton, Thayer seems to view Emma as a placeholder for Sutton. Oh, and Eduardo, totally messed up after his car crash, vaguely tells Emma that he was paid off by Alec to leave town because of her. Then Mads’ creepy Dad puts him into a coma. Meanwhile, Sutton meets her bio-mom in the loony bin, her Mom freaks out, and now Sutton’s being shipped off to live Emma’s life in Las Vegas. Somewhere in there, Laurel took charge of her virginity and hooked up with sweet Justin.
So much happened this week, the characters didn’t have much time to change outfits. I know! Mads spent almost the entire episode in the same outfit! I know she’s upset because her ballet-teacher luuuurve is at death’s door, but come on. Pull it together, people. We begin with everyone in their outfits from last week:
Emma: daytime sequins and highwaisted pantaloons.
Mads: size XXXXXXXXS tank and Wee Little Lollipop sized skinny jeans.
Char: perfectly appropriate ensemble for hospital visitation or a royal wedding.
Anyway, Sutton is trapped in the same mental facility where her mother has been hidden away.
She’s not too thrilled with the pink hospital nightgown. But give her credit, she’s working what she’s got. A hereditary trait?
Here’s her and Emma’s mother, Annie. Crazy, yes. Talented painter, possibly. Working her green hospital pajamas? Fully. And we learned one interesting thing from her – someone (two someones?) told her that one of the twins died as a baby!
Oh, and how did Sutton manage to sneak out of her hospital room to visit Crazy Annie?
By seducing the World’s Hottest Mental Facility Orderly. To be fair, he approached her. Sutton can’t help it, she and Emma both have the genetic ability to draw all nearby hotties into their orbit.
Maybe that’s why Mads’ Dad is so threatened by the Emma/Sutton/Annie trifecta?
Yeah. He’s creepy.
As per usual, Laurel was the standout style star of this week’s episode. Plus, everyone was so busy obsessing about Emma and Sutton to pay attention to the fact that she totally hooked up with Cute Justin, losing her virginity in the most adorable manner possible in his latest fake house.
Orange feather earrings, cute pulled-back hair, ancient Egyptian-style necklace? Fab.
Cute summer pajamas with cozy housecoat while comparing herself to Rory Gilmour? Pop culture savvy fab.
Selecting the proper wine for her abandoned-house seduction of Cute Justin? She looks so fab you forget she’s supposed to be like, 15.
If Laurel didn’t dress so great so much of the time, the other characters’ wardrobes wouldn’t stand out like the hot messes that they are. For instance, let’s take a look at sweet Char.
Sweetie, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills called to let you know that bikini is WAY TOO OLD FOR YOU. You’re young! There will be plenty of time to wear camouflage leopard print when you’re in your Botoxed 40s and 50s!
Here, she throws heinous cover-up on top of the elderly bikini. As if that weren’t bad enough, check out the BANGS on her horrible, horrible BF.
Those are some mid-90s Zack Morris, Saved by the Bell, David Silver’s attempted rap career, Vanilla Ice BANGS. Any guy who spends that much time making his hair look that bad is clearly up to no good. Can’t wait for Char to kick this guy to the curb.
Char is so, so pretty. It’s like they’re dressing her super-fug on purpose. Maybe when she develops more backbone, her style will step it up a bit? Or she’ll start dressing a few decades closer to her actual teenage age?
Emma got some cute looks this week, but her style is still as schizophrenic as ever. I get that Emma’s out of her element, but her clothing decisions make no sense at all.
She goes from her sequinned day look to this overly accessorized night look…
To this weirdly mismatched lacey skirt and floral top…
Seriously, here’s the full-body shot of this entirely random outfit:
To give her credit, she (and every other actress on this show) spends the entire episode running around in 6″ platform heels. Even when she rides off on Dreamy Ethan’s motorcycle.
Please. Like anyone would say, “I’m sorry, I’m dressed too impractically to wrap my arms around you and ride off on your motorcycle, Bad Boy with the Heart of Gold.”
At the episode’s conclusion, we see Emma gazing up adoringly at Sutton’s closet of dreams. Can you blame her for wanting to stick around Phoenix for as long as possible?
The swimsuits are on hangers, you guys. HANGERS. This closet is like a work of art.
Meanwhile, Sutton’s getting a taste of her own medicine as she’s forced to assume Emma’s identity and head to Las Vegas.
“What, you mean I’ll never see my closet again? NOOOOOO!”