Our favourite dandy spends this episode trying to bond with daddy. Luckily, Chuck’s a suave enough dresser to keep my attention: forgoing a tie with his pink shirt, he instead chooses a grey and black cardigan which is itself patterned with ties. That almost outdoes the cardigan patterned with fish from season one.

What’s with the suit trousers, though? Is he on-call for a black tie event?

%image_alt%

 

“You wanna watch hockey, I wanna crush your dreams…how can we compromise?”

Oh Bart, you cold Basstard. I do like the way you blend colours with brown in the tie to balance out the cool blue and a red pocket square, but could you maybe be a little nicer to your only son and heir?

%image_alt%

 

I mean, you’re content enough to be nice to Humdrum Humphrey, who stole his shirt from a homeless person and who has pulled out his military jacket to impress you. Why not your own son, who goes where no man has gone before sartorially?

%image_alt%

 

Rufus, while he has the sense of style of a Siberian labour camp inmate, at least cares about his child’s wellbeing enough to cook dinner. It’s so unfortunate that his shirt doesn’t fit.

I mean, I can understand Kelly Rutherford trying to hide her pregnancy beneath oversized clothing, but Matthew Settle? Are there twins lurking under that thing?

%image_alt%

 

Dan Humphrey, man in black. For heaven’s sake, put on a tie.

%image_alt%

 

Fortunately, Bart takes to Dan for no reason other than that he seems to know nothing about business and Bart is eager to educate. This time he’s utterly icy, not a hint of warmth in his outfit, all black and blue and pinstripes and love for the common man. It might be that he sees Dan as nothing, just as he used to be; or he might just be evil.

%image_alt%

 

Chuck bursts in on this torrid affair as a vision in tweed, a mauve shirt and a blue pocket square and sweater vest tying in with the lines of blue running through his suit. The relationship between Basses is all about palette: when Chuck wants his father to take him seriously, his preference for reds, oranges and pinks reverses.

Intriguingly, those are the colours he mostly wears around Blair.

Symbolism, anyone?

%image_alt%

 

Chuck scurries off to spy on Dan while Dan scurries off to get a tip about a building Bart burned down for the insurance (except Russell did it, and his wife died, and watch season four if you don’t believe me). To indicate his new dark and dangerous leanings, Dan’s plaid is black and white. Oooh. Scary.

%image_alt%

 

Rufus tries to dole out sage advice before Dan destroys Bart, but I know I would rather take advice from someone who hasn’t worn that denim shirt a gazillion times. That is a man in need of a sweater vest.

%image_alt%

 

A proper father in the fashion stakes if not in feelings, Bart wows in blue again, tied in with red in that stunning silk tie. I adore the white collar Wall Streeter look, and I imagine he has red suspenders under there too.

%image_alt%

 

We’ll never know, since here comes a cardigan coated ball of rage.

Back is the pink, the red, the navy of good sense in the wool and in the tie. Ed’s trousers always seem too tight to me (not that my eyes are usually down there), and this pair is also too similar to his St. Jude’s uniform to be impressive.

It’s a wash, although mixing argyle with another print is flawlessly executed.

%image_alt%

 

So Dan slinks back to Brooklyn after mailing Bart a short story entitled, ‘your son thinks you hate him because his mother died in childbirth, why are you surprised he’s a man whore and substance abuser?’ After that, he hits the Henleys again. I’ll be kind, and decline comment.

%image_alt%

 

Let’s ignore the Rascal Flatts look and instead discuss: has Matthew Settle had work done? Because he practically looks younger than Penn Badgley, especially when you factor in the touch of Bieber fever in his haircut.

%image_alt%

 

As a result of reading about Charlie Trout and his angst, Bart decides to be a decent father. My idea of a caring father doesn’t include shirts so crisp that they stand up on their own, but this is Chuck’s dad, so I’ll let him be the judge.

%image_alt%

 

Soft: it’s not a look we often see on Chuck Bass, but I don’t know how else to describe him here. His shirt appears to be made of jersey or something else comfortable, and it’s not as in your face as most of his other clothes – those red and white stripes aren’t alarm bells, they’re ‘keep back’ signs.

Chuck gazes at a photo of his mother, and father and son have a heart-to-heart, or perhaps a billfold-to-billfold.

%image_alt%

 

Except…Chuck’s mother is still alive. Someone might want to tell him before she re-enters his life and shops him to his uncle, causing him to trade his girlfriend for a hotel, have yet another meltdown and throw a traditional Polish-Russian wedding (and you can watch season three if you don’t believe me).

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save