When Jen told all the editors she wanted to expand the site to feature other shows, I suggested Vampire Diaries. In my head, it was a great idea – there are so many leather jackets, so many Somersmoulders, so much snark potential! The only problem is, once I started watching a show solely for the clothes I started to realize that apparently, all vampires ever wear are plain dark t-shirts or button downs with dark jeans.

 

To venture out into the town, Damon goes with a collared black leather jacket – a slight variation on his standard black leather motorcycle jacket.

 

Don’t get me wrong, black leather is a good look for the Somerhalder. I’m just saying, after 100+ years, wouldn’t you want to switch it up occasionally? Maybe throw in a royal blue or a dark maroon?

Or not.

Meanwhile, Stefan has noticed the striking lack of mancandy in the past couple episodes. To rectify this issue, he’s decided to hunt for Elijah in his undershirt. As we all know, an undershirt and a bloodbag dipped in white oak ash is the best way to lure out a missing original.

 

Stefan, doing his very best Edward Cullen impression. Dead-eyed and brooding, but with impressively gelled hair.

 

Elena, whose wardrobe is normally full of cute tops, is kind of looking blah this week. The dark blue is nice, but it doesn’t really do anything for her. I like the cream leather jacket – pretty much the same as her black one, only, y’know, cream – but it would have worked better with one of the red tops she favors.

 

And can we talk for a second about her hair this episode? Normally I’m obsessed with it, but it’s looking a little flat and lifeless this week. On the whole, Elena’s looking a little worse for wear. I can’t imagine why. It’s not as if there’s a werewolf/vampire hybrid intent on killing her so he can take over the world or anything.

 

Speaking of looking worse for wear, Jenna returns this week. She is, of course, indignant that the orphaned teenagers she’s supposed to be watching but instead abandoned aren’t where she last left them. Elena’s finally remembered that Alaric and Jenna are an item, so she leaves a frantic voicemail for Jenna warning her to stay away from him.

Jenna has already made plans to grab coffee with Alaric. She has inexplicably decided that this batwing grey top is the best outfit for the occasion.

 

 

I mean, really. If you’re confronting your boyfriend about failing to disclose his wife’s not-completely-dead state, is this the outfit you’d pick? The whole point of such a meeting is to look ridicuously hot, not like you’re cleaning the house on the weekends.

 

Okay, enough lackluster clothing. Andie has really become the unsung sartorial hero since she first appeared as Damon’s snack pack. Look at our intrepid girl reporter’s business chic. She’s wearing the same neutrals as everone else, but at least it’s all well-tailored and the dark grey top has a really lovely purple tinge to it.

 

She’s had to be very creative with her scarves, but Andie’s really made the scarf thing work. It looks less like she’s covering a hickey and more like she’s just really awesome at accessorizing. The python print scarf is pretty spectacular on its own, but when paired with her Girl Friday trench coat (ideal for breaking into apartments with her emotionally withholding boyfriend), Andie looks amazing. I want a spinoff starring Andie as a paranormal investigator.

 

Later, Damon sends her away so he can pout and sulk. Of course, being downright plucky, Andie decides that “Go away” means “Go to my room and strip down in a misguided attempt at conveying that someone cares about me, which is seriously the last thing I want at this moment in time.”

So, not the best plan. But at least she does it in a very cute bra and panties set, the highlight being the very cute little bows on the straps.

Oh, Andie, I’ll miss you when you inevitably end up as collateral damage.

Klaus’s henchwitch Greta is making this recap purely in the hopes that Bonnie is reading it (yes, I realize she’s fictional, but I can still hold out hope). See, Bonnie? It’s possible to dress well and be a witch. Good fashion and witchcraft is not the kind of imbalance of power that Nature frowns upon.

 

I love her whole look – so very badass. I would love to see Bonnie adopt at least some of her rocker look now that she’s back from the dead. Fewer flowy layers and Earth motherness, more stiletto heels and metal accents.

On second thought, it would give me one fewer thing to snark on, so … keep up the good work there, Bonnie. Leave the hot witch gear to Greta.